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There’s a long stretch of silence, and the longer I stand here, the more uncomfortable I feel. There is a growing feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is wrong. The queen’s earlier words about him being unwell flash in my mind, and I start to imagine the worst. Placing my hand on the door handle, I attempt to open it, the click of the mechanism making my heart soar with hope, only for it to crash back down as the door refuses to open. It’s locked.
Turning to the guard who had nodded at Atlas, I attempt to plead with him for his help. “Will you let me in? I’m worried my friend is sick—” I am cut off as the door opens.
I’m moving before I even realise what I’m doing, attempting to enter the room, but something is blocking my way. A noise of frustration tears from my throat, and I brace myself against the doorframe as I face the living obstacle stopping me from getting to my mate. However, I quickly realise from the familiar scent that invades my nose that the barrier is Nicolai. It should be impossible, but I hadn’t recognised him, and as I take a half step back, I gasp as my eyes run over him.
It’s Nicolai, but it’s not. He looks haggard, his skin is practically hanging from his bones, and his hair is sprinkled with grey, making him look older than he really is. There’s a manic look in his eyes that makes me think he really is sick after all, but what truly makes him seem different is his aura. It flickers in and out, making it difficult for me to feel him through our bond, although it is stronger now that I’m standing here with him. What could make a connection change like that? Is it magic, something the queen is behind, or is this a result of what happened when they tried to bring him back to life? Or he really could be sick, just like the queen said.
“Laelia.” My name sounds like a prayer on his lips, his chest heaving like he’s out of breath.
Guilt tears through me. He’s obviously going through something, and I wasn’t here to help him. I know I was following his wishes by giving him time, but I should have realised that he was really trying to protect me fromthis.
“Nicolai, are you okay?” It’s a stupid question. It’s obvious just by looking at him that he’s not okay. Whatever he’s been going through has ravished his body.
Leaning against the doorframe, he holds the door against his side, and his body blocks the small opening so I’m unable to pass or see into the room beyond. Taking a deep breath and still looking as though he’s struggling to control his breathing, he clears his throat. “I’ve been… sick.”
Exhaustion lines his face, and his skin is pale. Images of him lying in the field hospital back in the werewolf city come to mind, where I watched him die before my eyes. Even just thinking about it makes my throat tight, the trauma of losing my best friend still raw in my chest. Now he’s so much more to me than that, and I’m not sure I’d survive losing one of my mates.
My instincts are screaming at me to care for him, to protect him, just as I know he would for me, so I reach out to touch his shoulder, gesturing that we should go inside. “You look like you’re about to collapse, you should sit down. Let me help you—”
“No,” he barks, sounding nothing like the Nicolai I know. In fact, it’s so unlike him that I instinctively take a step back, hurt flashing across my face. The last time I stood here, he shouted at me, telling me to leave him alone, and here he is, snapping at me once more.
Nicolai winces as though his harsh denial is too loud and hurts his head. When he looks back up, he catches my expression, and his face falls. He starts to reach out, but after a second, he drops his arm to his side. “No, it’s a mess in here. I’m fine, I just need to rest.” Releasing a long, shaky breath, he meets my wide eyes and smiles. It’s supposed to be an embarrassed smile for his outburst and what he just admitted, but I see past it. There’s more to it than he’s saying. I don’t believe him about the room being a mess, and I can see how exhausted he is. Straining my ears, I try to listen to see if there’s anyone else in his room, as it’s clear he’s hiding something. No, I can’t believe I’m doubting him. I just wish I knew something, anything, that would explain what’s happening.
“Nicolai…”
He reaches out and touches my cheek, his palm dry as he gently presses it against my skin. “I need you to be safe.”
Taken aback by the sudden change of subject, I shake my head as if it would grant me understanding. Why is he talking like this? Does he know something we don’t? I want to demand answers and ask him what the hell he’s talking about, as he’s starting to scare me. Just as I open my mouth to speak, he looks over my shoulder, and recognition flashes in his eyes.
“Scott. Joel. You’re here. Good, I’m glad you’re here, you can look after Laelia for me…” His voice gets more and more hoarse as he speaks until he eventually trails off, using the doorframe to hold him up as he loses his battle against fatigue.
My world narrows until all I can see, hear, and smell is him. His uneven breathing rattles in my ears, and his familiar scent is different. It’s still unmistakably him, but there’s a bitter edge to it that wasn’t there before. There’s something wrong with my mate, and he won’t let me help him. It sounds like he’s saying goodbye, and it strikes something within me, the darkness writhing and demanding to be set free. Grappling against it, I push it back and lock my focus on him. “I lost you once, Nicolai, and I won’t lose you again,” I state, leaving no room for negotiation in my tone as I stare him down, my magic rising until we’re surrounded by a ball of glowing stars.
The magical wall separates me from my other mates and the guards, who startle at their sudden appearance. Their voices are muffled, but I can hear the males’ surprise as they attempt to reach me. However, they know the stars are of my own making and aren’t harming us, so they don’t seem too uneasy. Knowing I’ve got this small bit of time with Nicolai, I return my gaze to him, my eyes intense as they lock with his.
“Whatever is happening, youneedto fight it,” I demand, needing him to understand. “Without you, I will never be whole.”
My words seem to hit their mark, and his eyes clear of some of the manic energy he’s giving off. Straightening, he takes a small step towards me. “I came back for you, Laelia. It will take more than this to separate us again,” he promises, some of the old Nicolai shining through at me.
His words bring a ghost of a smile to my lips, and I nod even though I don’t feel as relieved as I should. I don’t dwell on that, though, because he moves, leaning in close and pressing his lips against mine. He wraps his arms around me tightly, but it feels more like he’s clinging onto me like a life vest, our connection making him strong and keeping him grounded. The kiss is desperate, but my bond surges forward, pouring everything I have from me into him, feeding the need that his body demands.
In our bubble of silence and with the stars twinkling around us, it should be romantic, a perfect moment for any love story, yet our story is tinged with sadness. He died once, and it feels like he’s leaving me again, pulling away one breath at a time, and I have no idea what to do to help him. Are we destined to end as a tragedy rather than a happily ever after?
When he pulls away, I notice that my face feels wet, and when I touch my fingers to my cheek, I feel tears. Only, they are not mine. I may be distraught by what’s happening to my mate, but I’m trying to keep those emotions locked down, which means that… Looking up, I find Nicolai retreating into his room, his face hidden from me. His anguish is flowing through the bond, until it suddenly cuts off, and the next thing I know, I’m staring at the wood of his closed door. Glancing down at my fingers, I contemplate trying to get into the room again, my heart yearning for him, but I know he needs some time.
A light tingling covers my skin, and I know my shield of stars has dropped. Sound returns to me as a quiet set of footsteps approaches. I know from the woodsy scent that it’s Scott without having to turn around, and when he places his hand on my shoulder, I squeeze my eyelids shut to stop the traitorous tears that sting my eyes.
“Laelia, are you okay?” Scott asks quietly, concern colouring his voice.
It’s clear I’m not okay, but I feel like if I give in to the sadness that threatens to overwhelm me, I’ll never stop crying. Everything is so fucked up. My life has changed so much. I’ve changed so much. Gone is the carefree girl who loved her pack and running through the woods under a full moon. Now, I carry the weight of the prophecy and the fate of two warring races on my back. My friends and family have gone through hell, and I had to grow up, learning that much of my life was a lie.
Don’t forget what you’ve gained, my little wolf,the goddess’s voice floats through my mind. It’s quiet and feels as though she’s speaking from a great distance, but her presence is an instant comfort, and the term of endearment brings a tear to my eye.You have lost much, this is true,she continues, her voice getting quieter with each second that passes.However, you have gained a purpose in life, your magic, and your mates. Any one of those is something most strive for and never manage. You have all three.
She’s right. I’m being ungrateful. Honestly, I would go through all of my pain and suffering again if it meant that my mates and pack would be safe and happy. That’s all that matters to me, so I should count my blessings and not dwell on the past.
You’re not ungrateful, child, she reassures me.You’ve had a difficult time, more so than most will ever experience. Unfortunately, more is to come, but you are strong, and I will always have your back.
My heart feels warm, and while the goddess may not be here physically, I am surrounded by her motherly love. She reminds me a lot of my adoptive mother, and it was about the time that she died that I began feeling the goddess’s presence, like she knew I was in need, and she filled that void. Although she just revealed that I’m going to suffer more, I feel reassured. The goddess has never let me down before, and I trust in her promise.
