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After that, Syn and I were escorted away by several masked wolves who clearly worked for the council. I wanted to fight, to unleash my magic on them, but they already had my friends and mates, so I couldn’t risk acting out in case they hurt them. This meant that although it became harder to breathe with each step I took, I still left.
We’re now at the edge of the forest that protects the city. We’re clearly not welcome in the compound itself, but there’s no way I’m leaving to find somewhere to stay for the night. It would take too long to go back to my old pack, and I couldn’t cope with seeing Selena and having to explain everything that occurred.
Guilt grips me as I pace a groove into the undergrowth, gnawing on my lip as I desperately try to see a way through this. I’m slowly coming to the conclusion that I’m probably not going to make it out of this alive, but if I can save my father, Luna, and my mates, then I will do just about anything.
Star sits by a large tree where I dropped my bag, watching me with mournful eyes, reflecting how I feel. As soon as I knew we were alone, I released her, needing some form of comfort, and she’s always been there for me, even before I met any of my mates. Even just knowing that she’s here, watching and protecting me while I fight not to fall apart, helps soothe me.
Her low warning growl has me looking up in time to see her blocking Syn’s path to me. Just like the other times in the last twenty minutes since we’ve been here, Syn raises his hands and backs away. I’m not ready to speak to him, and I’m worried I might fall apart completely if he touches me. I don’t know how long this is going to last, though, because he’s becoming more desperate.
“Laelia, please, listen to me,” he begs. His end of the bond is now fully open, and his emotions are practically flooding through our connection.
Shaking my head, I turn from him and continue pacing. It hurts to look at him—in fact, it hurts tonotlook at him too. I’ve effectively been banished for the rest of the day, and they sent Syn with me as an insult. He betrayed me and is more interested in explaining himself than helping me.
“I don’t have time to listen to your excuses, Syn.” I hardly recognise my own voice, which is tight with tension. “I need to figure out how to save the others.”
It’s a line I’ve used several times now, but instead of backing away and watching me until he can’t hold himself back anymore, he does something different. He takes a deep breath and wrings his hands together.
“The council has some way of controlling the madness that the feral wolves fall into.”
Of all of the things he could have said to me, I never expected to hear this. I want to ignore him, but the gravity of what he’s saying makes that impossible. Why he’s telling me this, I don’t know, but I’m about to find out.
I stop and finally turn to look at him. “What do you mean?”
He looks nauseous, his face pale as he continues to twist his hands together nervously. I’ve never seen him like this, and despite my anger and confused feelings about him, I can’t rid myself of the desire to wrap my arms around him.
“The council bonds the lone wolves to them before they are evicted from the packs. This is because the lone wolves are required to come back to the council periodically. They discover who is close to pulling away and force a bond on them. They are then able to control them with the threat of becoming fully feral.”
Scott was once a lone wolf before he met me. I wonder how close he was to receiving this bond. He once made a comment about the council and how he begrudgingly had to bend to their will to make sure he didn’t turn feral. The reasoning that lone wolves would be protected against madness if they followed the council’s rules seemed odd then, but it makes sense given what Syn is saying. If he’s right, then all of those attacks from feral wolves were instigated by the council…
“We always thought it was the distance from a pack that turned them feral, but the council is able to control it,” Syn continues, unaware of my inner turmoil. Pausing, he pushes a hand through his hair, looking ragged and worn. “When you were taken, it felt like I lost a part of me. I was surviving, working alongside Joel, but I could feel myself losing my grip on sanity. That’s when the council called me back with their bond and twisted my mind until I could think of nothing but getting back to you. It became an obsession, as though you were a drug and I couldn’t function without you.”
My breath catches in my throat. Now that his bond is open, I can feel it all, even an echo of that madness that was driving him. It’s all consuming, and that was just a fraction of what he felt. I don’t think he realises that I can feel everything, or perhaps he does and this is his way of showing me he’s telling the truth.
“They promised they would help me get to you, and that you would be safe. All I had to do was bring you back.” His eyes flash, a sure sign that he’s struggling with his wolf. “They threatened to make that final push and turn me feral for good, and I knew they would if I didn’t do as they ordered.”
“Oh, Syn.” Everything makes more sense now, and I ache for him. He had to make this awful choice alone and did the best he could in the situation.
Am I glad that I know he was forced into this and didn’t betray me? In a way, I am, as I know he had no other choice. When we were at Haven and safe from the outside world, he settled into his role of being my mate, and there was a point where he actually seemed happier there than among his own people. I see now that I was right. He probably thought we were beyond the council’s reach.
Syn has always been more morally grey than the rest of my mates, and I knew that from the start. The way his mind works is different, but since we bonded, he’s been wholly committed to keeping me happy and safe. This was part of the reason I was so surprised and hurt when he betrayed us.
“I promise that I never would have done it unless I thought it was the only way.” His eyes are mournful but full of acceptance. He thinks I’m going to push him away. “You were always too good for me. I knew it would never last. Why would the goddess bless someone like me?”
That’s the comment that breaks me. My eyes sting with tears, and this time, I don’t force them back. Two fat tears roll down my cheeks as I close the distance between us. I’m not sure if it’s my own pain I’m feeling or his, but since we’re bonded, that’s practically the same thing. He hurries to close the distance but hesitates when he’s only a step away from me, as though afraid I might reject him or not want his touch.
For a moment, I hold myself back, but I need him, and he needs my comfort despite it all. Taking that final step, I reach up and cup his cheeks between my hands, making sure he’s looking at me as I speak. “You are perfect for me, that’s why the goddess chose you. This life is a second chance for you.”
His eyes seem to clear with my touch, and I see a myriad of emotions flicker across his face, guilt and surprise being the main ones.
“You still want me?” The question comes out quietly and full of vulnerability, pulling at my heartstrings once more. The fact that he thinks I could so easily reject him just goes to show how poorly he’s been treated in the past, and how he doesn’t trust the power of our bond.
“You’re my mate, and I know now why you did what you did. You had no choice, and I will always love you.” I say the words slowly, so they have a chance to sink in. Syn’s self-worth is so low it almost doesn’t exist. He needs to hear this. He also needs to hear how his actions have affected us.
“However, that doesn’t mean you’re instantly forgiven. You should have spoken to me about it. The pain…” I trail off, unable to put what it felt like into words. My body aches with the memory of how it tore through my heart. “I understand, but the consequences of your actions are steep. The others could be killed, Syn.” My hands slip down and grip his shirt, needing support at the very thought of anything happening to them. A few, slow tears roll down my cheeks, and he growls, gently thumbing them away.
“I know they are important to you, and because of that, I work alongside them and help them out,” he explains, lowering his head until his forehead presses against mine. “However, you are my only priority, and you always will be. I told you before, Laelia, that I would do anything for you, and I still would to make sure you’re safe.”
I shudder at the intensity of his words. My inner wolf loves hearing this from my alpha mate. His possessiveness and overprotective nature have always been something that I just had to accept about Syn, just as I have to learn to accept that he will never be best friends with my other mates. He gets along with themforme because it makes me happy. In any other situation, he would have nothing to do with them. This is part of who he is, but does that mean it can never change? Should I expect him to?
