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“Why?”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s your girlfriend. Why wouldn’t you have sex with her?”
“Why are you bringing this up right now? Just come back here.” I motioned frantically for him. I wanted him in front of me. Right in front of me, where he belonged. “Please, come back.” I didn’t care if he touched methereagain. Gray was in pain, and I could make it better. I could make him better. All he had to do was let me try.
He shook his head, and there was a level of anger in him I’d never seen before. It built up in the tightened muscles around his mouth. It seeped out from behind his bright, white teeth. “This is our spot. The one that I found just for us. How could you bring her here?”
I’d brought Kate to the lake two nights before. We swam for an hour before resting on the grass under the big oak tree. We shared our first kiss that night, and then her hand slid under my shorts and wrapped around me. I didn’t touch her. Not once. The thought of having to reciprocate had made me feel physically ill. Every touch felt wrong. Every stroke, a betrayal. And somehow, Gray knew.
“Were you following us?” I said, my body tensing. He’d been watching us. He saweverything.
“Don’t try to turn this around on me. I’m not the one who was—”
“Why do you care? Why does it matter what I did with her?”
“Why do you think?” His gaze and voice were both heavy with accusation, and even though I was nothing to him, and he was nothing to me, I felt like I was in the wrong. “Break up with her. Do it tonight.”
“Tell me why. If you want me to leave her, I want to know why.” I stared at him, my eyes pleading. “I need you to say it.”
“I just miss you.”
I shook my head. “That’s not it. I know you, Grayson. I know you better than I know anyone. Your hand was just …” I shuddered at the memory. “This is more than just missing me.” He paused, looking lost. I could find him if he let me. I’d guide him home, all he had to do was ask.
“I’m scared, Half-pint.” There was a tear falling down his cheek, and I couldn’t stand to see it there. I brushed it away, but another just took its place. “I’ve been so scared, for so long.”
“It’s you and me right now. You don’t have anything to be scared of, I promise. I would never hurt you. You know that.”
“You’ve been hurting me for weeks.” He looked down, staring at his reflection in the lake. “Do you love me, Kent?”
I couldn’t breathe.
“Do you want me to?” I said. He didn’t respond, though. He just kept staring at the water. Gray was seconds away from shattering, and I was the one creating the cracks. I paddled closer, just needing to put him at ease. Wanting to be the strong one, the way I knew he needed me to be. When only inches separated us, I pressed my forehead to his. “Is it okay if I do?”
“It doesn’t have to be okay. It just has to be true. It’s true for me. Truer than anything. Truer than Texas. Truer than my family. Truer than God, even. I love you, Half-pint. Deep down in my soul, I love you. I thought you loved me back.” He wiped his eyes. “Up until you started seeing her, I thought we were …”
“Thought we were what?”
“I thought it was going to be you and me.” He risked a glance in my direction, and when our eyes locked, I could see every ounce of hurt he’d been feeling. This had been killing him.Ihad been killing him. He smashed his palm against my chest like he was trying to crack my heart, the same way I’d cracked his. “It’s supposed to be you and me, but you’re ruining it.”
“It is?”
He nodded. “You hold her hand in front of me at school. Do you know how much that hurts? It’s like you’re throwing it in my face. Like you’re doing it on purpose.”
I shook my head. Did he really think so little of me? “I’m not. I was scared you didn’t feel that way about me. I didn’t want to lose you, and I didn’t know how to fix it. Even if this was all we could have, just our friendship, it was enough for me.”
“It ain’t enough for me. It never has been. I wanted to be your first. To be your only; ‘cause you were gonna be mine.”
“I was?” I’d hoped for this moment for years. Dreamed of it. Even if it wasn’t unfolding the way it did in my dreams, his words—those beautiful, awful, perfect words—were everything I’d imagined them to be. “I want to be. I swear. What you just did to me, how you just made me feel, I’ve been waiting for that. I’ve been praying for it. For you. I don’t like girls. Not any of them.”
“You don’t?”
“I’ve been hoping for you for so long.” I cupped his face. “I’m sorry I let her touch me. If I’d have known you felt the same way … I swear, I never would have let her. I just couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. I love you, too.” I leaned forward, and then I stopped myself. “Would it be alright—I mean, would you mind if I …” I pressed my forehead against his and closed my eyes. “Kiss me?”
As soon as the words were out, our lips touched for the first time. His were soft, just as I knew they would be. He held the back of my head, pulling me closer as we explored each other. It was gentle. Just the smallest of introductions, really. Still, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Like we’d been doing it all our lives. It was everything I hoped it would be. Because it was us. How we were always supposed to be.
I traced his jaw with my finger, tickling him as we kissed. “Say it again,” I whispered. “Please, Gray?”
