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“My point is you left home at eighteen without a penny to your name. You worked your way from the bottom up. Do you know how many people can say that? That brain of yours is special. You’re letting it go to mush, and I won’t stand for it. I want you to get out there, and I want you to find something to fill your days. Even if it’s just part-time. Do this for me, okay? And do this for yourself. I want to see you shine, baby.”
“Yeah,” I relented. “I will. Are there any places I should avoid?”
She shot me a knowing look and nodded. “The Pick-n-Save is all clear now. Grayson used to work there, but he moved to Cobb a while ago. Left the store a few months back.”
I opened my mouth to object—to tell her Gray Collins was a subject I had no desire to discuss—but she raised a hand, stopping me before I could start.
“It’s my job as a mother to make sure my baby is okay.”
“Your baby is almost forty.”
“And my baby has a gentle heart that deserves to have someone protect it.” She downed the rest of her juice before standing up. “It goes without saying; stay away from the church. No telling who you’ll run into there. And if you seehim,I want you to get away and call me. I don’t care if you have to turn around and run like a lunatic. You stay away from him. Understood?”
I nodded. “Mom? I just wanted to say thanks. For the warning. For letting me come back. For everything.” She nodded, picking up her plate. “Hey, no, leave it. Go get ready for work. I’ll take care of the dishes.”
She made her way toward the hallway, stopping after a few steps. When she turned around, her mouth hung open for a few seconds like she wanted to say something but couldn’t get the words out.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s just… Dallas? Houston? Sweetie, I’m proud of you. Of everything that you’ve accomplished. I just worry about you, is all. You’ve been running so fast for so long. Aren’t you tired? Maybe it’s time to come home for good.” Before I could respond, she held her hands in the air in surrender. “I know, I know. Just your momma’s silly little hope. It’s just really good to have you home again. You can’t fault me for wanting to keep you for as long as I can.” Without missing a beat, she stretched a smile across her face. “We’ll need to take your rental car back. I went online yesterday. The Google said the closest drop-off is over in Tallulah. I’ll follow you out and then we can have dinner on the way back if you want.”
I nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks, Mom.”
REASON TWO
I miss you.
Momtextedmeatnoon asking me to pick up a prescription for her at Dudley’s Drug & Textile. The message came with another warning meant to protect my seemingly fragile heart.
Kate works at the pharmacy counter. Don’t even think about going down that road again. I will NOT abide anymore of that conversion foolishness. Baby, you’re here, you’re queer, and I’m already used to it. Best you just stay out of that closet for good. Love you!
When I arrived, there was a line with four women ahead of me. Denim skirts and mile-high, frizzy hair filled the room. The woman ahead of me was conversing with the woman in front of her, and my curiosity piqued when they mentioned Esther and Marty Collins, Gray’s parents.
“Can you believe it? In Guadalajara, spreading the word. Lord knows they deserve the break after what that son of hers put them through.”
Without meaning to, I sucked in a loud, sharp breath. I didn’t know if she meant Gray or his brother.
The woman glanced back. “You okay, darlin’?”
Elmyra Foote.
God save this queen.
“Goodness gracious, it’s Kent Fox!” She took a step forward, wrapping her arms around me without invitation. The hug lasted far longer than I wanted it to, and the scent of Elizabeth Arden’sRed Doorperfume assaulted my nostrils with each moment she remained latched on. I reached around her back and offered her a half-hearted love pat with the underside of my knuckles. “All grown up.” She took a step back, her eyes moving up and down my body, making me feel like a deli ham waiting to be ordered and sliced however she saw fit. “Your hair looks nice. I like how you’re styling it these days.”
I had an undercut with an unstyled, shaggy mop of brown curls flung over the side. I hadn’t put any product in that morning, so the “styling” she alluded to was nothing more than a disastrous frizz-fest.
“Your eyebrows seem a bit thin, though.” She reached up, stroking my brow. “Oh, good grief, I’m not gonna bite.” She squinted her eyes as if she were trying to read microscopic words written beneath my brow. “Have you gone through chemotherapy? Is that what happened? You know, my sister had to go through it for years. Ate away at her insides. She lost all her hair. Eyebrows too. Hers just grew back bushier, but I suppose every case is different.” She turned to the women in front of her, each of them staring at me like I was diseased. “Did you hear that, girls? Our poor little Kent almost lost his battle with cancer.” She turned back to me. “What kind was it?” I gaped at her, and before I could respond, she’d already turned back toward the women. “Oh, right. Oral. How tragic. Poor boy hasn’t said a word since he came in here. They must’ve had to amputate his tongue. I didn’t realize they could even do that, did you, Myrna?”
The woman two places ahead of her, Myrna Thorpe, shook her head as she clutched her chest. Myrna had been my school teacher as a child, and just like the rest of them, she wore the same uniform denim skirt.
“Oh, dear. No, I didn’t. How awful for you, Kent. Your poor mother must be beside herself.”
I tried to open my mouth to object to her unnecessary offering of pity, but before I could get a word out, Elmyra reached for my face, placing her finger over my lips.
“Hush now, child. It has to be terribly taxing to talk with only half a tongue. You just save your strength, alright?”
That was fine by me, so I nodded.
