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“Mind what? You sitting in my lap like I’m Santa?” He leaned closer, his lips ghosting my cheek as he made his way toward my ear. “Not one bit. If you want to spend the rest of the day sitting on my lap, you go right ahead.”
My stomach was churning like a tequila-fueled washing machine, and it was taking everything in me just to hold on. I couldn’t. I was slipping. Falling so hard, so fast, I knew the only thing left was the crash. A collision with reality that would shatter me. So, when I couldn’t hold on to my heart any longer, I held on to Gray. I clung to him like a koala, burrowing my face deeper into his chest and letting myself become lost in him. My hands roamed his back like they had all the right in the world to do so.
“You okay, Half-pint? You’re breathing funny.”
I pulled away from him and stared into his eyes. I was done waiting. He was right there. So close I could have kissed him. It was torture. Being too scared to make that first move.
“I need to ask you a favor, and I need you to say yes. Please say yes, Gray.”
He blinked at me, staring long enough to make me second-guess my impending ultimatum. Then he opened his mouth and smiled. “Yes,” he said with a nod. Without a second thought. “Anything. Everything. Whatever you want, it’s yours.”
“Just like that?”
He nodded. “Just like that.”
I drew in a deep breath, hoping against hope that he meant it. “I want you to call it off. The engagement. I need you to break up with Sarah.”
“Huh?” Gray stared at me like I was a fool. “What the heck are you talking about?”
“I want this with you. I’m so tired of fighting for it. Tired of waiting for you to catch up with me. I don’t have seventeen reasons for you, only one. I love you, Gray. I love you, and I know that you love me.” I cupped his cheek with my palm. “I love you so much that it hurts. It’s been hurting so bad for so long that I’ve just gotten used to it, but I don’t want to be used to it. I want to be able to take your hand whenever I want. To cuddle up next to you without worrying I’m going to scare you off. I know that I’m not what you planned on, but I’m here. I’m home, and I’m hurting, and you can make that hurt stop.”
“What?” He pulled away and stared at me like I was an idiot. “Kent, we’ve already done this.”
Fuck.
Damn right, we had. So many times. Too many times. I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t keep putting myself out there when he clearly wasn’t ready. Who knew if he ever would be?
“Sorry.” My voice was quiet, barely audible. I didn’t trust myself to speak any louder, for fear that it might crack. “I should know by now. God knows you’ve said it enough times. You can’t be that man. I’m sorry if I’ve been pushy. I know it isn’t fair to you. It’s just hard for me to see you and not … I just love you, Gray. I love you, and I try to—I’ve been trying so hard.” No. I couldn’t go there. Not again. We’d been through this too many times. “You should go.” I leaned in and kissed his forehead. “Before I embarrass myself even more.” I pried my arms away from him, ignoring the empty ache in my heart as I let him go, and I tried to move myself off of his lap.
“What the heck are you talking about?” Gray’s grip tightened, and as I tugged my arm back, he refused to budge. “You’re not making any sense.”
“You have to let me go,” I said, even though the only thing I wanted was to beg him not to. To tell him he could never let me go. Because I was his. I’d always been his.
He shook his head. “I told you last night, I’m not letting you go. Not again. Why are you acting like …” His eyes narrowed, and he let out a heavy breath. The look on his face could only be described as homicidal. “You don’t even remember, do you? Good grief. Baby, we did all of this last night.” He groaned, pulling me back against his chest. “New rule. Two drinks maximum for you. I’m not going to spend the rest of my life reliving entire conversations because you can’t hold your liquor.”
Without warning, Gray leaned forward, his lips parting as he approached. His hand pressed against the back of my head, and he pulled me to him. He gave me no chance to prepare for it. No opportunity to prepare myself for what was to be the first kiss I’d shared with him in twenty years. I resented that quite a bit. Then I saidto Hell with it,and opened my mouth, inviting him in.
There were no tongues involved. Not at first. There was the sensation of lips against lips. The taste of Fruit Stripe gum, fresh in his mouth. Our chins rubbed against each other, his stubble grating my skin. It didn’t last long, thirty seconds at the most. I wanted more. I wanted to taste every part of him. To touch every crevice in his mouth with the tip of my tongue. When he pulled away, my eyes were still half-lidded, and I leaned forward, chasing blindly after him.
He’d kissed me.Hehad kissedme.He’d initiated it.
“You kissed me,” I said, trying to keep my heart from leaping out of my chest. “You just kissed me.”
“Oh, good grief. Come here.” He leaned in again, bringing his lips back to mine. The kiss was stronger this time. There was more passion behind it. He explored my mouth freely,owningme completely. Our tongues twirled around like they were dancing. His fingers combed through my hair, and he pushed deeper into my mouth like he was trying to pour himself into me.
I wasn’t sure how long it lasted that time, but when he pulled away, his cheeks were red from the friction of our stubble, and his mouth was swollen.
“You just kissed me.”
“Yeah,” he said, trying to suppress his laughter. “I know. I was right here when it happened. I already told you, we did this last night after I came and got you. I bought you a burger and took you out to the lake. I told you I loved you—”
Anything else he said went unheard. Those words. Those beautiful, horrible, life-altering words. Words I hadn’t heard in years. Words that should have had a big, emotional buildup before even making their way up his throat, much less leaping out of his mouth.
“Oh my God.” I gaped at him because it was all my brain allowed me to do. “You can’t—” I scowled at him. “You can’t tell me you love me like you’re ordering a pizza. Jesus. You just said it like it was nothing.”
His face went serious, his jaw tensing. “Nothing? Like it’s nothing? Really? That’s what you think? It isn’tnothing.It’severything.Youare everything. You want some big, sappy love declaration? That’s what you need?”
I leaned forward, kissing his cheek. This newfound inner-bad boy schtick of his was doing things to me, and I needed to feel him pressed up against me.
