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Some time into my misery, ringed fingers gently slide into my hair and tip my head up. Liam hovers over me, blotting out the sun. His bronze skin is tinged red with a sunburn and his long hair is soaked from dumping water over his head.
"I can't watch you fall apart anymore," Liam says, pain etched into his features. “He’s in Ireland. Sligo, to be exact.”
My eyes grow wide. “How do you know?”
“I hired a private investigator. I was worried for both of you. My PI found record of a plane ticket to Dublin. He stayed there for a night, then checked into a bed-and-breakfast in Sligo.” Liam drops his hand from my hair and sighs. “Sondra asked me to stay quiet about it until after the tour, but neither of us likes where this is headed, Hail.”
My body sags into the grass, both relieved there’s still record of him and also confused at why he would be in Ireland.
What’s there for you, Z?
“We’ll deal with shit here. Go find him.” Liam holds out his cherished car keys. “I’ll send you info on his location. You better fucking text me when you land.”
I’m nodding my head so hard my brain rattles in my skull. “Okay. Yeah. Okay, you got it.”
Before I bolt for the parking lot, I haul Liam into a crushing embrace. “Love you, bro. I don’t tell you enough how good you are to all of us.”
“Yeah, well, I’m a dick to the rest of the world, so it balances out.”
Thirty
Z
Istareatthewaves, my body scraped out on the inside.
All the medication I’ve tried pumping into my deficient brain, I think, has finally worked itself out of my system. Strangely, my head is clear. I’d probably feel okay if not for the sluggish feeling in my stomach from the amount of liquor I consumed two days ago.
My meager belongings remain at the bed-and-breakfast with the matronly owner. She’s been exceptionally kind to me, wishing me a good adventure when I left this morning and promising to have lunch ready by the time I return.
She didn’t realise that when I consumed the massive breakfast she prepared, I was savouring my last meal.
At least, that’s what I thought at the time. My determination keeps flagging between acceptance and fear like a broken gas gauge when I hear how hard the waves are crashing against the cliff side.
Stripping down to my boxers, my brain is still half-convinced that I’m just going for a swim. And maybe I am.
I climb down the zig-zagging stone steps into a little cove where the ocean isn’t so tumultuous. Still fucking stupid to get in, but I didn’t come here with the intent of keeping myself safe.
Hesitation creeps in as I close my eyes and picture Hail. His brilliant smile and whiskey-toned eyes. A beautiful angel with a little cross chain dangling from his ear, matching the one I run my fingers over.
I lower myself down a metal ladder off a concrete dock. I cling to it as freezing Atlantic water laps at my waist. The strong push and pull of the water draws me further in until my feet touch rocks at the bottom.
Then I’m swimming away from the dock, out to where I can’t touch. Plunging in fully, my thoughts turn desperate, fighting to give me hope, only for it to slip through my fingers moments after. Telling mehey, maybe today’s not the day. Then setting off alarms that we are at maximum capacity for life. Engines are failing and we’re losing oxygen.
Another wave rolls over me, and my head bobs along the surface, my stitched up brow burning from the saltwater. Maybe I’ll just tread water for a bit…
I hear my name screamed out. Turning in the water, I glimpse the dock a hundred feet away and a figure standing atop the stairs, waving their arms madly.
Am I hallucinating? Did I stay under the water longer than I thought? Because that’s Hail tearing down the steps.MyHail.
He’s really fucking here. How and why is he here? He should be on tour.
Fear and pain and happiness all latch onto me at once. Hail doesn’t hesitate to dive into the water, shoes and all. He’s swimming out to me like he’s striving for a gold medal. God, why is he swimming like he means it? And the horror that’s etched into his face–I think I’ve shaken hands with that eldritch monster before.
What am I doing?
With tremendous effort, Hail drags me back to the dock and heaves me up onto the concrete. Teeth chattering and body trembling, I sit up to meet his frightened eyes.
And then, oh god, he’s sobbing. Fucking crumbling before me, shoulders and chest heaving uncontrollably. I think I see pieces of him breaking off before me. My shaking hands lift as if I can catch them and patch him back together.
