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“That is the problem,” I tell him. “I didn’t realize how much I loved being around her all the time. And now I barely see her. It’s like none of it happened. Like I didn’t lose my mind trying to save her.”
“You aren’t going to hold that over her head for the rest of your life, are you?” Juliana chimes in unhelpfully.
We sit at their kitchen table enjoying our takeout during a rare Charlie-free night. She’s, ironically, with the woman I haven’t been able to stop thinking about for weeks. The dance recital is coming up at the end of this month and Melissa is running extra rehearsals leading up to it to make sure everyone is ready. Meredith is going to bring Charlie home when she’s done.
I’d offered to pick Charlie up before I knew, and was immediately bombarded with questions about my status with Melissa. Not that there’s anything to share on that front. Two days after she came home, she returned to the center like nothing happened. I thought it was too soon, but I wasn’t going to make her feel smothered again. I knew it wasn’t my place to comment on her decisions.
It was like nothing had ever happened. She just jumped back into her work and a few days later, Seer had me go get a shipment of new guns from the docks. With Mayor Prudent off our case, it’s back to business as usual. With the influx of cash we got from the Houston Kings, we got a huge delivery. In the last four weeks, business has been booming. Thanks to our new partnership with the Houston Kings, we’ve gotten a lot more nearby contacts that aren’t in their jurisdiction.
It’s been insane. I’ve had to cut back my mentor classes to once a month just to accommodate it all. Not that it matters much. I finished the recital set before the kidnapping and now I’m at a loss for what to do with the kids. I’m slightly grateful to take a step back from that commitment.
Besides, things between Melissa and me have been strange. Every time I’m around her, I feel like she wants to say something but she’s stopping herself. I’m going out of my mind trying to decipher what it could be. Does she feel like her obligation to tolerate me is over now that the danger has passed? Does she miss me as much as I miss her? Does she secretly love me?
As much as I hope it’s the latter, the other options are more likely. Things weren’t exactly great between us before she was taken, and despite our moment together the next morning, some bridges just aren’t meant to be crossed. Maybe I should just accept that she and I just aren’t supposed to be anything more. Our entire relationship was built on her being in life-threatening situations.
So, instead, I’ve thrown myself into work. To make up for the time I stepped back to keep an eye on Melissa, I’ve put myself at Seer’s mercy. Whatever he needs, I’m there to do, no questions asked. To be fair, it isn’t much different than how it was before Melissa, but now I feel like I’m missing something in my life. There’s an emptiness in my chest that didn’t exist before. Or maybe I just didn’t notice it.
If Seer’s noticed a change, he’s been kind enough not to say anything about it. He’s taken my offer to work harder as a challenge to keep me as busy as possible. If I’m not running guns to different cities, I’m going on patrols with Hex or helping Buffy with problems at the house. I’ve been there to stop fights from happening at bars, and even had to go pick up Hemlock from the police station when he got into a shouting match with a woman at a club. Thankfully, Seer’s new deal with the mayor seems to cover everyone’s ass.
I’ve also gotten closer to Blue from the Houston Kings. Now that things have settled down for us in New Orleans, he’s planning to go back home and Knix and Evanesce are planning to come back home. Life is truly returning back to normal, but normal life feels hollow. I don’t want it. I want Melissa.
“Personally, I think you should just tell Melissa how you feel,” Juliana says now, taking a large slurp of her egg drop soup. “Women respond to honest and vulnerability. Tell her how you feel and work it out from there.”
“Nah, that’s a bitch move,” Hex says, earning him a smack from his wife. “I’m just saying, you can’t give her the upper hand. If she knows how you feel, she has leverage to get whatever she wants, even if she doesn’t share your feelings. How is that fair?”
“How did you ever land me?” Juliana shakes her head, staring at him in amazed disappointment. “Bones, listen to me. I know Melissa has feelings for you. She’s asked about you on more than one occasion. She misses you as much as you miss her.”
“That doesn’t mean she has feelings for him,” Hex argues. “Maybe she’s just horny.”
A chopstick flies at his head, this time thrown by Juliana. I shake my head and pick up my container, suddenly not hungry anymore. It’s been like this for weeks. I can’t think about her without feeling sick to my stomach. I’m losing sleep wondering if I should have handled everything differently. Basically, I’m losing my freaking mind.
I throw my food away and grab my keys, unable to entertain this conversation any longer. This is my first night off in weeks and being here feels like a waste. Of course, it’s not like I’m going to go back out to clubs like I used to. They hold no interest for me now. I haven’t even looked at another woman since Melissa and I first hooked up. I didn’t want to taint the memory, but now I like the idea that she was the last woman to touch me. Damn, I’m whipped.
When I get back to the house, I shuffle to my room, not interested in much else. Drinking will just make me sad, and spending time with anyone else is just a reminder of who I’m not spending time with. I collapse onto my bed and bury my face into my pillow, growling my frustration into it. A knock at my door a few minutes later has me worried that the pillow didn’t do its job.
“Can I come in?” Seer calls from the other side of the door.
“I guess,” I call back, not really in the mood for definitive answers.
He opens the door, staring in for a moment and watching me. I turn to look at him and see a worried look cross his face. I roll my eyes and cover my face with the pillow again.
“I was trying to sleep,” I lie. “What do you want?”
“I’ve just spoken to Beast in Houston,” he replies, his voice casual but slightly off somehow. “He’s down a couple men. Some virus going around. He was wondering if I could spare a few of you for a few days.”
“And you want me to go?” I ask, feeling completely disinterested in this suggestion.
“Actually, I was wondering if you’d like to go for longer,” he says cautiously, and I sit up to look at him. His posture is tense and his expression is worried. He thinks I’m spiraling. He wants to get me out of town to cheer me up or some shit.
“How much longer?” I ask.
He shrugs, but I know he and Beast talk constantly. They’ve hatched a plan together and I’m not involved for some dumb reason. Maybe Seer thinks he’s doing me a favor.
“Well, they’re still working to get their weapons business off the ground, and I was thinking maybe you could go help them. It could be fun.”
“How long, Seer?” I demand.
“Six months, maybe longer,” he says carefully.
