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“I’m just trying to look out for you,” he tells me.
“Thank you,” I say. “You always look out for me.” The words kind of feel like a lie as I say them. If he was looking out for me, he would have found a way to get me out of here a long time ago.
He shrugs. “I just don’t like the way he treats you. And I don’t want to see you give him any more reasons to beat on you.”
Anymorereasons? It’s little casual comments like that, that betray Hogwild’s true personality to me. He knows damn well that Hammerhead has no reason to beat on me. And he knows damn well that I don’t deserve any of this. But somehow, it’s my fault?
I grab a glass and fill it from the tap in the sink. Standing at the window that looks out into the backyard, I take a long swallow of water, my mind working.
“What do you think of Hawk?” I ask.
“I don’t know. I guess I don’t think about him very much.”
I cut him a frustrated glare. “You know what I mean.”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. He seems like a decent guy. Straight shooter. Don’t take shit from anybody.”
“Do you think he’s trustworthy?”
“I don’t trust anybody, so I’m not a good judge of that.”
My only response is a wordless grunt.
“What I do know is that you shouldn’t be thinking about him at all,” he adds. “You know what’ll happen if Hammerhead catches you so much as looking at him.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“You’re Hammerhead’s girl until he decides you’re not,” he presses. “And until that happens, you just need to make peace with the reality of what is right now.”
“You know what he does, Hogwild. You know how badly he treats me,” I say. “You yourself said you don’t like it.”
“I did say that. And I don’t.”
“Then why can’t you help me?” I point out. “Why can’t you help me get out of here?”
I’ve never straight up asked him like this. I’ve been tempted to before, but I was always too afraid. That question has been weighing on my mind for a long time. Why can’t he help me? Why can’t he get me out? What is so goddamn important that Hogwild can choose to just stand by and allow me to get beaten and then try to swoop in at the end to rescue me from a situation he could have rescued me from for all this time?
Does he seriously think I’ll choose him after this? He’s sorely mistaken.
He bristles. “You know I can’t,” he tells me. “My loyalty is to the club and that means to Hammerhead. At least for now.”
I cock my head and look at him. “What do you mean, at least for now?”
He shakes his head. “Nothing. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“But you did. So, tell me.”
“It’s nothing really. It’s not even worth thinking about, to be honest,” he says. “Just something Hawk said…”
His voice trails off and he looks away. Hogwild slips the knife he was cleaning his nails with back into the sheath on his belt. I’m quiet, waiting for him to go on. But he doesn’t.
“Well? What did he say?” I prompt.
“He just said somethin’ in passing. Somethin’ about the Howlers havin’ new management if Hammerhead don’t get his shit squared.”
I shake my head. “You see what he’s done to your club. Why do you stay loyal to that?”
“Because he’s my Prez, Molly. And he’s your man, too,” he scowls. “Don’t forget that.”
