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“What was in that baggie?” she asks. “What did we give him?”
“A pretty heavy dose of arsenic,” I tell her.
“Is he going to die?”
I shrug. “He might.”
“I hope he does.”
I give her a smile. “I don’t blame you.”
We stand there looking at each other for a moment. I still can’t believe this is happening and that I’m doing this. But as I look into her eyes and feel my heart flutter, I know it’s the right thing to do. It’s not because she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, with a fire in her like no other. I keep telling myself that.
But that isn’t what this is about. I refuse to be just another man who wants to take advantage of her. I have no illusions about she and I getting together after this. Once she’s free, she’s free. She doesn’t owe me anything and can go start her life wherever she pleases. All I want is to get her out of here. Out of this situation. I want her to have her life back. She deserves that. She deserves more than I can give her, to be honest. But I’m doing what I can for her.
I would love for nothing more than for her to be with me when all the dust settles. There is a connection between us I’ve never felt for anybody before, and though we still barely know each other, I can tell already that she’s special. Something about her draws me to her and doesn’t want to ever let her go. But that would never be fair to her. She’s got to want to be with me. I’ll never take advantage of Molly or hold her captive the way Hammerhead did—not even emotionally.
I can’t ever make her feel like she owes me for helping her escape. I would never do that to her. I would never emotionally manipulate her that way. That would make me as big a piece of shit as Hammerhead and all the men who came before him. What has been done to Molly is monstrous. And that’s going to end just as soon as we’re out of here. She will never be kept in a cage again, not physically, not mentally, and not emotionally. When we walk out that door, Molly is free to do with her life as she sees fit.
Of course, that doesn’t mean I can’t hope she swings my way. That doesn’t mean I can’t hope that she’ll choose to ride with me. Looking into her eyes brings me back to the conversation I had with Reaper the morning I rode out here. That longing for something more I’d talked about. That feeling that I want more out of life than what I have right now. When I look at Molly, I feel all those boxes in my head being checked. It feels like when those feelings and longings for more in my life were at their highest point, fate stepped in and threw Molly in my path to show me: yes, I can have more.
It’s beyond insane. I know this. We don’t know each other and only met a few days ago. How could I have gone my whole life never knowing the feelings that are rampaging through me right now, but then start having them for a woman I’ve known less than a week? Insane isn’t even a strong enough word.
But then I think maybe it’s because I haven’t ever had feelings like this for anybody in my life, certainly not this strongly and not this deeply, that tells me maybe it’s right. Maybe I should stand up and pay attention because the universe is obviously slapping me upside the head.
I’ve lived my life trusting my instincts. My gut kept me safe when I was raising my sister on my own, has kept me safe living this crazy, dangerous life I’m living, and has never led me astray. There is nobody on this planet I trust more than my gut.
But doesn’t my heart play a role in that too? Isn’t my heart part of the instinctual process that’s kept me safe all these years? Doesn’t my heart help inform my gut? And if so, doesn’t my heart deserve to be heard? Shouldn’t I trust it every bit as much as I trust the fire in my belly?
Or am I simply rationalizing things? Am I just attracted to Molly in ways I haven’t been attracted to anybody before, and so just putting more emphasis on those feelings than I normally would? I’ve had a few relationships that started off strong. They made me think, okay, there might be something there. But every time, those feelings faded. Usually pretty quickly, too. Granted, what I feel for Molly is a hell of a lot stronger than anything I felt for any of the others. But that’s not a guarantee that it won’t fade in time too.
But then, what in life is ever guaranteed? Not even tomorrow is guaranteed to us. All I know right now is that Molly is making me feel things I’ve never felt before. Those feelings are making me do something I’ve never considered doing before: breaking one of the unwritten laws that govern the MC world. Okay, to be fair, I’m breaking at least a dozen of them I can think of off the top of my head. Maybe more.
But the heart wants what the heart wants.
And right now, my heart wants Molly.
My soul wants Molly.
Everything in me wants Molly.
I have no idea if this is real or if this won’t just fizzle out in a week. We never know these things going into them. All we can do is lean back, feel the sun on our faces, the wind in our hair, and enjoy the ride. Which is what I’m going to do.
Whether it lasts a day, a month, or a decade, I plan on enjoying whatever time I get to have with Molly. She is already so special to me that I’m blowing up an entire MC for her.
Although, the whole blowing up the MC is probably a nice byproduct of this whole thing. If we can get Hammerhead out, we can start over with Hogwild in command. That will prevent us from having to deal with the Deviants and spare the expense and blood of trying to patch over the Howlers and set up a chapter down here. Like I said, I like things smooth and clean. I just hope this whole exercise can be that.
“All right, I need you to stay in here,” I tell her. “Whatever is going on out there, just stay here and get ready. When it happens, it’s going to happen fast, and we need to be ready to move.”
“What’s going to happen?” she asks.
“This is where the fun starts.”
“Why do I get an ominous feeling when you say that?”
“Probably because you’re smart and perceptive.”
She chuckles darkly. “That doesn’t make me feel better.”
