AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I’m sure they do,” he said.
She started to laugh. “No,” she said. “Not all. Probably not many. And to think that was selfish on my part too and I shouldn’t be that way. I never used to be either. I don’t know where in my life made me think that those down on their luck would be grateful to me. I was providing a free service to them. That they needed in their life. A life that many would never want to live. So there is the other embarrassing part. Why did I think so highly of myself? And when that happened, I guess my confidence went down the drain along with thinking I was a bad person needing them to feed my ego.”
He would have never expected to hear this from her. He didn’t want her to feel that way either.
“Everyone is entitled to feel the way they want. I’m sure you weren’t pushing it on others.”
“I wasn’t,” she said. “It was this internal feeling that I had. I never felt like I could do enough half the time toward the end. It was one caseload after another. Even winning didn’t feel like winning. There was little to no joy in my job. So again, selfish of me to want to find joy when those I was representing just wanted to survive.”
“Stop,” he said. “You can’t be the best you are if you can’t put the effort in. And in order to have the energy for the effort you need to see some rainbows to know it’s worth it to continue on effectively. It sounds as if it’s exactly as you said. You were burning out mentally and physically. You’re no help to your clients if you can’t perform.”
“You get it,” she said. “And I think I just needed to hear that from someone else other than my family. I hope you aren’t just saying that because I kissed you and you want to get me in bed.”
He laughed at the grin on her face. “Oh, I definitely want to get you in bed, but it won’t be tonight and I don’t say things to women to get that. I am who I am and either a woman wants me for that or they don’t.”
“I want you,” she said. “And for me to say that so early into seeing someone says a lot about how I feel. I worry you’ll think I’m a nutcase. Or a headcase now.”
“No more than I worried you thought it about me and my hatred for Christmas.”
“Not the same thing,” she said, picking her wine up and taking another sip. Guess they were done kissing, though he had to admit he was thrilled she’d taken the first step.
“No,” he said. “It’s not, but not for anyone to judge either. It’s between us. Can I admit something to you?”
“Of course,” she said.
He hadn’t planned on saying this to her, but since she bared so much of her soul to him, it felt like the thing to do.
“When I first saw you I thought you were smoking. Then I told myself there is no way you’d have anything to do with me.”
“Why would you think that?” she asked. “Do I come across as stuck-up?”
“You don’t,” he said. “But I’ve spent a lot of my adult life around women who like the way I look and the money behind my name, but not how I got that money.”
“Not fancy enough for them?” she asked.
“Exactly.”
“That’s not me,” she said. “I’m not some fancy lawyer as you can tell. I don’t dress over the top, as I didn’t want to make my clients feel uncomfortable. I only wear suits when I’m in court or have a meeting outside the office.”
“Is that why your suits are plain?”
“Plain?” she asked, frowning. “I’m not sure if I want to be insulted or not.”
He laughed and tapped her on the nose. “Don’t be. I mean black and navy. Simple straightforward colors.”
“Yeah. I didn’t need to flaunt anything to the poor I was serving, though many I worked with did. I wanted them to be comfortable around me. To trust me. They can’t do that if they think I’m looking down on them by my attire.”
“Because you cared,” he said. “Simple as that.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“It’s not something they might have realized you were doing, but they would have realized you did the other if you were showing up in five-hundred-dollar suits and shoes. And…if you really needed your ego fed, you wouldn’t have cared and done it anyway.”
She laughed. “Not that I could have afforded that, but you make a good point.”
“Now that you are working at a different job, you could change that, but you aren’t. It’s not who you are. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Just remember that.”
“I will,” she said. “Thank you for this talk. Why don’t we get dinner on the table and we can stop with all airing out our feelings. How about we talk more about fun things? Things we like to do.”
