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“I’m fine. I didn’t move away fromAspenafter the breakup. So it says something.” Reasons for leaving this town still keep me awake some nights. “Ryan and I clearly weren’t meant to be.”
“You seemed like the happy couple when Hallie and I flew out there for your engagement party.” Savannah leans forward as her brown eyes become serious.
“And then we weren’t.” I shrug, trying to keep my friends at a distance with yet another subject they can’t relate to. “How about another double. Anyone?”
“What’s really going on, Emery?” Hallie softens her voice. “Does it have anything to do with the hospital event for your––” Her words are shrapnel to my heart, and I don’t want to hear the end of her sentence.
“No.” I smile, shaking my head in an attempt to rid the pain. “This is my first vacation in years. I took a full month off for you, girls. But you know how I feel about this town. Alcohol and best friends are the only things likely to keep me sane.” I feel my voice flatten as I ignore the time approaching for me to leave this booth and face my childhood home.
Savannah holds my gaze, dipping her head to my level. “Where is the loving, less cynical, bubbly woman we used to know?”
“She left when herfiancéwas getting it on with her roommate. A weekafterour engagement party.” My teeth grab my bottom lip, not meaning to let my tone slip.
“We’re here for you when you’re ready to talk about it.” Hallie’s attention flicks to her phone lighting up, and I’m glad she doesn’t push me to spill.
“Fine. We won’t bug you about it,” Savannah sighs with a defeated face. “For tonight, at least.” I know her nurturing fix-everyone self wants to pry for more information. While they want to help, Hallie and Savannah have no idea what it’s like to carry the weight and blame for parental death.
“In lighter news, I haven’t addressed this with you both yet….” Hallie’s eyes meet mine. “But I’m breaking tradition and would love youbothas my Maids of Honor.”
My throat constricts around a formed lump. “I’d love to, Hallie.” I bite back my disbelief at a happy ending. If not unfaithfulness, death will get the best of you.
“This is so exciting!” Savannah’s smile eases my trembling pulse. But only for a spilt second.
“I’m gonna use the bathroom and I’ll be right back.” Thankfully, neither of them decided to join. I check my phone, after feeling it go off a couple of times tonight.
Josie: Lemme know when you get there!
Josie: Miss you so much xx
My best friend from Aspen brings a smile to my face. Opening the next text turns my stomach.
Aunt Quinn: Have fun with the girls! Can’t wait to see you later and give you a big squeeze. <3
I can’t avoid my childhood home for much longer. I don’t even know to prepare for everything this town is about to trigger this month. Desperation to forget everything has me heading to the bar after I use the bathroom. The wooden bar top supports me as I debate what to drown myself in next. Woodsy cologne passes through the air, awakening memories. Memories which I should forget. The ones my brain plays like an old record to soothe the treacherous nights.
Zoning in on a top-shelf bottle, the summer I swore to never speak of flashes past like a movie reel. The end of summer after graduation when I decided to leave this town within a three-day span. My eyes nervously trace the crowd. Was he still in this town? Ian Wells is the last person I need to bump into this month.
“Tequila, please.” I smile as the young worker gives me a questionable eye.
“Careful not to drink too much, little one.” He winks, and I’m sure if I gave the invitation, he’d take me back to his place and help numb the world around me. The bartender back in Aspen knew how to.
I take the shot glass with an eye roll. I should be used to this remark. I’ll forever have a youthful face. My tiny frame and big doe eyes are more of a curse than a blessing. Tequila burns as it flows down my esophagus. I gave this brand of poison up years ago, and now reminded of why. Tequila tastes like compilations of unwanted memories. Tequila tastes like my parents’ death. Tequila was discovered to be the strongest medicine I took comfort in. Tequila only heightens my craving for the most powerful adrenaline rush. Tequila tastes likehim.
The only person who could level with me and aid in keeping my mind busy. Not even in a sexual way. He kick-started my healing and was the culprit of my spiral. With icy eyes and a jawline that was trouble in its most perfect form.My heart surges to my throat, cutting off my ability to breathe. I need to forget it all. “A Bacardi, please.” Since I swore off feelings, the burn in my throat is the only thing I welcome to feel.
A hand taps my shoulder, causing my antsy self even more anxiety. “There you are. Our food arrived,” Savannah shouts over the music. “Is everything alright? We’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too. I’m so exhausted after the couple days of driving here,” I reply as I finally feel the alcohol saturating my brain.
“Right, you and your fear of flying.” Savannah adds. “One of these days, you should try to face a fear.” I know she’s implying more than a plane.
“Not now.” The bartender hands me my shot, and I down it as Savannah’s disapproving look grows. Rolling my lips, I link our arms as we walk back to the table.
I pick at my salad and finish my Long Island Iced Tea, finally reaching my needed alcohol limit to tolerate the hurt. Hallie mentions something about working as a team for a bachelorette party or something. I attempt to nod, and my head falls like a bowling ball sinking into the gutter. Rolling my head to the side, I bring it back up to a more stable position. I watch Hallie and Savannah exchange looks of obvious concern, but a lazy smile rests on my lips.
“I’m fiiine, guyssss.” Hallie and Savannah mutter a few words, then they’re paying our tab and walking me outside. The sound of crickets replaces the country music from the bar as we head into the night, their arms under mine. I expect a cool breeze to shock my system, but I’m no longer in Aspen. Cooler nights won’t happen for a few more weeks here.
“We’ll let this first night slide.” Hallie opens her car door. “You’ve had to take in a lot coming back here.” Her hand brushes a strand of hair out of my face in a motherly manner. “Maybe you’ll have a good sleep in your childhood bedroom.”And wake up to more memories I drank to forget.
