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“Oh, now you wanna man up?” His touch vacates my body as I finish speaking. He pulls back to assess me.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” His curious and slightly offended eyes watch me closely.
“There’s… You don’t even know that I know.” I debate telling him, because this memory haunting me has really shaped who I’ve become. “Please, share a truth about us. One you thought you’d never tell.” His hand brushes over his jaw as he takes a deep breath, eyeing me curiously.
“Well, you know Hallie and I were on the outs.” He stares ahead at the group, who’s now out of earshot, as I hold my mug of warmth. “About a year later, it finally clicked where you were when Justin mentioned Hallie and Savannah were in Aspen.” He pauses, and I watch him debate how far he wants to take this story. I need to hear him say it out loud.
“Mmhmm.” I nod. “Keep going.”
“I remember our conversation one night about your father’s tequila and how your parents enjoyed the place.” The way he chose this specific story has me nauseous, yet relieved.
“It was honoring them in some weird way because I didn’t follow through with med school like they wanted.” I take a sip of my coffee as he blinks, confused.
“It made sense that you went there because it’s a place that still somewhat held their memory, but you had zero emotional attachment to.” He swallows, unable to look at me. I can’t breathe because I know how this plays out. “I went to Aspen, Emery.”
There it is.
“I hope you enjoyed your trip.” I guess I’m still not over his trip either.
“Emery, I just told you I went to Aspen after figuring out that’s where you were.” I feel his eyes burning through me, waiting for a bigger reaction.
“Aspen isn’t massive, Ian.” I blink slowly. “I saw you that night.” I was with a guy I barely knew and his sister as we walked through the grassy area during sunset. “Seeing you made my heart stop, and a wave of hope washed over me. I faked interest in the guy to see what you’d do.” My throat tightens. “Moments later, you were gone.”
“You held on to that guy with the brightest smile…” His eyebrows draw together and his head shakes as his mind takes him back to that moment. “Your laugh traveled down the street. The same smile and laugh that was only reserved for me in your time of grief.” He clears his throat as his eyes lock with mine. “You looked happy. I had to put you first.”
"I wish you would have crossed the street.” My voice is near breaking, this conversation tearing me apart, just as that night did. “That moment shaped me into who I am today.” I strain as his jaw tightens, searching for words.
Ian swallows as his hand reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “I figured I read the signs wrong.” I want to lean into the comfort of his touch, but don’t.
“You read them enough to feel like flying to Aspen was worth it, Ian!” I feel my voice cracking as my emotions rise. “You saw me on the street in another man’s arms.Thatwas your pinnacle movie moment to sweep me away. To choose me. Us.” He’s quiet as I open my mouth, attempting to find the right words. “I spiraled after you left.”
“Wait, so you saw me and didn’t reach out after?”I get he’s shocked, but seriously?
“Ian, I struggled with not being good enough for my parents. Not feeling like I was worth their time or attention. You show up, yet I wasn’t worth you crossing the damn street to even try.” My heart beats faster than I’ve ever felt, my stomach clenching as I try not to cry. “I looked for validation in everyone. I settled and got engaged to a man simply because my parents would have liked that he was becoming a doctor.” There’s no point in trying to hide my rapid deep breaths as anxiety makes its entrance.
I look back at the group by the fire, and as Hallie and Justin share a sweet kiss, I wonder how life would have been if Ian had made his move. All these years, we may have been happy. If anything, I probably would have gotten married first.
“I was going through some stuff too, Emery.” There’s a desperation in his voice that sinks into my gut. “The man I am today would cross that damn street.”
“Except I’ve closed up shop.” I shrug, no longer having it in me to be fully guarded. “I’m here for two more weeks, and then I’m gone. I don’t expect you to uproot and leave your business to move to Aspen.”
“I fucked up.” A long sigh cuts through the sound of crickets nearby.
“To be fair, we both did. The past five years have been messy, and with me shutting Hallie down every time she brought you up…” I shake my head, feeling defeated. “We both fucked this up in different ways. It sucks.” Ithurts.“We have to let it go and realize we had some growing up to do.” I swallow, trying to stabilize my breathing before I stand.
“Emery, I still––”
“Don’t. I’m curious about the physical connection, but that’s all I can offer you. All I know how to offer you.” With a pathetic huff and half smile, a familiar car pulls into the driveway.
“That’s your aunt. I made sure you’d have a ride home since we were all drinking.”
“I don’t need a babysitter. Rhett said we could crash here.” He stands, taking my coffee mug and walking me to the car. “What I offered you wasn’t the alcohol talking.”
“Let’s not put ourselves in that situation just yet.” He places a soft kiss on my forehead before opening the car door for me. “Sleep well, Daisy Girl.”
Is there any proper way to recover from tonight?
Chapter11
