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Ella’s hand wobbled as she set her coffee down. “I’m a little lost,” she said, voice catching. “Last night—”
“Was an enormous wake-up call. I was so afraid we weren’t going to find you and it scared me, Ella. It made me physically sick. I can’t picture a future without you. I don’t want a future without you. I want what Alec and Cara have. I want you. I want love. I want us.”
Ella sat there gaping at him, speechless. She couldn’t think of a single intelligent thing to say.
“I realize I can be a little black and white,” Baird added. “So, I propose a little bit of gray. I propose we not make decisions we don’t have to make, and perhaps we just like each other, and enjoy each other, and see where that takes us.”
“What if we discover we still like each other? What if we end up deliriously happy? Won’t that be a problem?”
“Not if we’re happy,” he said.
She wasn’t satisfied with that. “Baird, if I love you the way I want to love you, I will want everything with you. I’ll want little MacLaurens with you. I’ll want noise and chaos. I’ll want all the things you don’t.”
“What do you think I want?”
“A clean, tidy ultra-organized home without the pitter-patter of little feet and the sound of children fighting.”
“You are so dramatic, Ella. Why would you think I want an ultra-organized home? Couldn’t an organized home be good enough?”
“You know what I’m saying. I’m intense and passionate, and that’s not for you.”
“I think I was wrong. I think I must crave a little intensity, because last night when I couldn’t find you after searching the woods, and checking the field, and going to each of the cottages, searching for footsteps, searching for any sign of you, I realized I’m not going to live without you. It’s not an option. I want you. I want to be with you. And if we can make this work, why don’t we try?”
“Baird, I can be happy with you without a marriage license. It’s not a wedding I want. It’s you. But being a mom? That is important to me. I love my family. I love the closeness and the traditions and just feeling as if I’m part of something bigger than me, something more important than me. And if I continue to love you, I will want all of that with you.”
“I understand. I do. Which is why I propose we don’t make hard decisions today. Why not just give us time? Why not just… be happy… and see where that takes us?”
For a moment, neither said anything and then Ella slowly nodded. “Happy with you is something I can do.” She smiled, eyes watering. “And I agree there is no reason to make hard and fast decisions today. Let’s just be happy today.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.” He reached across the table for her hand. “Want to come to Edinburgh with me for New Year’s? I’d love to show you my city and where I live.”
Ella started smiling, and her smile just got bigger. “Really, seriously?”
He laced his fingers between hers. “I know you have school starting in a couple of weeks, but June will be here before we know it, and we might as well have fun and explore our options, realizing we can do whatever we want to, whenever we want to.”
The air caught in her throat and for a moment Ella couldn’t breathe, and then she rose up and leaned across the table to kiss Baird, and once she began kissing him, she couldn’t quit. But then she had to if only to tell him how much she loved him. “I’m crazy about you.”
“I know. I saw the crazy last night,” he teased and then he came around the table and scooped her up into his arms and carried her into the living room where he sat down on the couch with her on his lap. “But I’m glad because you were right. I have been afraid. I don’t want to risk everything and then be hurt.”
She traced his lovely cheekbone and then his jaw. “I won’t hurt you.”
“But even if that happens, it’s worth the risk. You have no idea how much I love you, and how much I want you. I discovered just how much I believe in us.”
She clasped his face between her hands and smiled into his eyes. “I believe in us, too. I believe we are going to have the most wonderful life together—with kids, without kids. The point is that we will find a way together, and together we become a family.”
He held her against him. “Together we’re home.”
Ella didn’t think she’d ever heard anything so lovely in all her life but then another thought came, and she sat back up, excited. “So, when do we go to Edinburgh?”
He smoothed her hair back from her brow. “When do you want to go?”
“Today?”
Baird kissed her until she couldn’t think straight, and then, and only then, he lifted his head. “Today it is.”
She grinned at him. “I can’t wait. Happy everything, Baird.”
“Happy everything, my Eloise.”
