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“I’m not hungry.”
“Neither was I, but I forced it down anyway.”
Coils of guilt furled through his chest at the underlying implication. That she was feeling as shit as he was. It killed him that she’d been sitting there alone in the dark living room, waiting for him to come home.
“Heat it up in the microwave,” she suggested. “I’ve got a bottle open, come and join me in the living room.” She turned her back and disappeared, but at least she’d extended the olive branch. And he was going to take it.
Foot tapping on the floor with impatience, he couldn’t wait until the microwave dinged and so he retrieved his plate when the food was only tepid. But he needed to talk to Lacey more than he needed hot food.
When he entered the living room, Lacey had turned on the side table lamp and was sitting in the winged chair with her feet tucked up beneath her. Smudge had his nose resting on her knee, as if he could feel her pain.
Nico took a seat on the couch nearest her and rested his plate on his knee. Wordlessly, she handed him a glass full to the brim of red wine. An unfamiliar silence stretched between them.
He understood that he was the one who needed to break the impasse, but he didn’t know where to start. He’d already tried to explain back at the bakery, but Lacey hadn’t wanted to listen and he couldn’t really blame her.
The food was congealing on the plate, so he took a bite of steak while he decided what to tell her, washing it down with a good slug of wine. The truth, of course. It had to be the truth if she was going to believe him. If she was going to forgive him.
“I heard the good news about Linc,” he said, taking the easy path, trying to break the ice before he dove into the deep end.
“Yes.” She met Nico’s eyes for the first time since he’d walked into the room. “He woke up this afternoon, and I even talked to him for a short while.” Lacey almost smiled at that.
“I’m really glad he’s going to be okay,” Nico said around another mouthful of food. “He’s a good officer. And I know how much he means to you.” He wasn’t being sarcastic. Nico understood how close police partners often got. It was more than just a friendship, there was a trust involved, a commitment to have each other’s back, no matter what. Lacey had talked openly and honestly about her relationship with Linc, and Nico understood what the other man meant to her, and didn’t begrudge their special relationship. There was nothing romantic between them, and Nico was glad she had the opportunity to work with such an honorable, decent cop.
“He was hopefully being moved to a private room tonight, so I’ll pop back into the hospital tomorrow before my shift to see him again,” Lacey said, but the congenial air seemed to fade as she regarded him once more with her cool gaze, and he knew his short reprieve was over. He needed to tell her everything about his past life.
“Right,” he replied, more as a way to give himself time to compose himself. “Ah, where to start?”
But she wasn’t about to help him out, she merely kept her chilly gaze fixed on him, not saying anything, waiting him out.
He coughed and took another drink of wine. He may as well start at the beginning. “I was twenty-one when I met Marietta. In my second year of my police career after graduating the academy in Canberra. We met through a function I attended with my mother. It was a fancy fashion shindig, and my mother needed someone to escort her, so I was happy to oblige.” Nico took another mouthful of lukewarm potato, his mind rewinding the years back to that fateful night. “Marietta was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen,” he admitted. “I was blinded by her beauty and her sophistication. I was flattered that she was even interested in me, and…” He hated to admit it, but… “I was thinking with my dick more than my head.” Lacey raised her eyebrows at this, but said nothing, so Nico continued, “She asked me on a date and I said yes. At the time I couldn’t see how wrong it was. I didn’t stop to wonder why a woman ten years my senior was pursuing me; I should’ve known better. My mother never approved of her.”
Lacey gave a wan smile. “You were young and impressionable, I get that,” she said, then tipped her chin in his direction to indicate he should keep talking.
“That’s exactly right. I just didn’t realize it until it was too late. We had a whirlwind romance. It sounds strange to say it, but she swept me off my feet, and before I knew it, I’d proposed to her. My mother told me I was stupid, and it’d never work. What was a hard-working cop going to do with a wife who pursued the highlife and liked to surround herself with luxuries? She moved into my apartment—and perhaps that should’ve sounded the first warning bell, but I wasn’t listening—and we were happy for a while. But the second we got married all my mother’s predictions came true. Marietta became demanding and complained I worked too many long hours. She had expensive tastes and was spending all my money. Her fledgling fashion designer brand wasn’t doing very well, and she was pumping any spare cash we had into it.”
“That doesn’t sound one hundred percent fair,” Lacey commented, twirling the glass stem between her fingers. “But isn’t that what marriage is all about? What’s yours is hers and what’s hers is yours?”
“Maybe in some marriages,” he replied with a grunt. “But I was so blinded by…let’s call it lust…that I agreed to sign a prenup signing away any right to half of her fashion brand if we ever divorced. Which was fine by me, at the time.”
“Hmm, she sounds like a smart cookie,” Lacey mused. “Smart and manipulative.”
“Yes, she was both,” he agreed. “Anyway, we started arguing all the time, mainly about money. And one night we had a doozy. We were yelling so loud we must’ve woken the neighbors.” Nico cringed as he remembered that night. “I’ve never seen her so mad. I think I probably used words such asbitch,andcougar, andconniving. And she got so mad she let it slip that she only married me so she could gain permanent residency. It all started to make horrible sense. She tried to take the words back, but it was too late. I was gutted.”
Lacey’s face creased with concern, and Nico knew he might be finally getting through. “It sounds like a bit of a nightmare,” she finally conceded.
“It was,” he admitted. “It’s a time in my life that I’d rather forget. Looking back on it, there weren’t many nice things I could say about Marietta. She was the one who put the idea in my head to do the specialist training. To become a detective. I guess I need to thank her for that. But for everything else…” He wouldn’t say the words, but he despised her. No, she deserved a stronger word than despise. Detest. Abhor. Loathe. “I have no good feelings left for her.”
“That’s very sad,” Lacey allowed. “And it goes some way to explaining your behavior today. It’s nice to finally have an explanation. So thank you for telling me. But it doesn’t change the fact that you kept her secret. You never told me you were married. You have to know that I feel foolish and betrayed. I’m not sure how to cope with all this,” she confessed. “And I’m not sure where we go from here.”
It wasn’t the answer he was hoping for. He understood why she might feel this way, but his reasons for not telling her were valid, he just needed to convince her.
“I never told anyone about the marriage,” he blurted, leaning forward in his chair. “The only people who knew were my mother and my two siblings and a couple of people I was close to at work. Nobody in Tasmania knows. I wanted to keep it that way because I was ashamed. Ashamed of the way she used me. Ashamed of the way I couldn’t see through my own infatuation to the truth. That she was a conniving snake who only wanted me because I was her ticket to Australian citizenship. That hurt. It really hurt.” He sat back quickly, nearly spilling his wine. How else could he convince her? “I was going to tell you. I promise I was.” He thought back to yesterday, after they’d made love and how he decided he wanted to marry Lacey. Now he had put that all in jeopardy. Because he couldn’t ask her to marry him now. Not with this hanging over their heads. Not now he’d just discovered that he was in fact still married. He closed his eyes, wanting to just disappear.
A warm hand landed on his knee. “I know you were.” Lacey’s voice was soft and reassuring, and he opened his eyes. “It sounds like a terrible time in your life, and I could see why you would want to forget all about it.”
Relief flowed through him, but it was short-lived. Because he knew he needed to tell her the rest. He laid his hand over hers, trying to find the strength to reveal the worst. “I honestly thought we were divorced. I signed the paperwork, and I thought that was the end of it.” He drew in a deep breath to fortify himself. “But I should have followed up. I was busy with work, Marietta moved out, and I had no contact with her anymore.”
“But?” Lacey questioned, when he let the silence stretch out too long.
