Page 117 of Perfectly Wild


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“Maybe, yet you’ve only seen a psychologist twice. You m-must give it time.” My voice cracks, and rather than look at me, he closes his eyes as though some other thought is controlling him. Then it dawns on me. “It’s not the healing part, is it? You want to connect with the shaman’s spirit. You want to—” my voice cuts out.

“See them.” He finishes for me. Samuel opens his eyes, and this time when our eyes lock, I find determination and hope. “I need to know they’re okay.”

“Jesus,” I murmur. “That’s not a light brew. You need…” I stop myself and swallow any more words. Saying the truth out loud doesn’t make it better. Samuel always intended on taking a strong tea, and the last time he took ayahuasca, I almost lost him. God knows what could’ve happened to his mind.

This changes the perspective of this holiday, and I’ll do everything to show him the Daintree is exactly what he needs because I can’t risk losing him again.

* * *

Samuel and I spend the rest of the day with his parents. We head down to the beach for one last stroll before taking them to the airport.

The seagulls fly overhead, squawking in search of food scraps. The ocean breeze wraps around us like a silk blanket transporting us to her world where all we can see and smell is her. Nothing else matters when your feet touch the sand and salted air hits your senses. Like meditation, the unique sound of waves gently breaking along the shore caresses the mind. It’s the best therapy and food for the soul, especially in summer. Children frolic in the water or ride the waves on boards. Parents sit under the shade, relaxing in their own way. Lovers are in the water, hugging, kissing, and being swept up by the ocean charm. We all lose ourselves in her.

“I don’t want to leave,” Caroline says to us. “It’s been a wonderful seaside holiday, especially with you all.”

“Well, you always have a place to come and stay for however long you wish,” I tell her. “And if you want to retire here…” I wink. “I’m sure it can be arranged.”

“Please don’t give her ideas,” Christopher says and chuckles. “I’ll never get her to the airport.”

“We’ll miss you both.” Samuel looks at his father then his mother. “You can visit anytime and see your granddaughter, or like Eden suggested, you could almost retire here. Return to LA when you need to for your visas.”

“Talking about visas,” his father adds. “I’m not sure what you’ll decide for your future regarding your medical training, but please be aware of the circumstances involving your work visa.”

“I will. And I’ve already discussed a wedding with Eden. When we set a date, we’ll let you know.”

“Thank you, love.” Caroline smiles at Christopher. “I’ll need a mother-of-the-groom outfit.”

“Mom.” Samuel looks at his mother. “I’m considering a beach wedding.”

“Oh.” She ponders it for a minute. “Do you wear shoes?”

He chuckles. “I wouldn’t recommend it on the sand for the ceremony. After, maybe.”

Caroline nods slowly, taking it all in her classy stride.

* * *

The moment we arrive home after taking Samuel’s parents to the airport, he retreats to the couch to take a nap. During Caroline and Christopher’s time here, bridges were built and relationships mended. He wouldn’t admit it after being independent for the past decade, but still, I think he’s already missing them. Seeing him build a relationship with his parents warms my heart, and I hope he’s finding some peace in his.

Rose curls up beside Samuel on the couch and, within five minutes, is also asleep.

I’m not one for daytime sleeps, so I head to the bedroom to find Gran’s journal.

The last entry left me with an uneasy feeling in my stomach, so I want to be alone when I read what’s to come.

52

IVY

February 11, 1965.

I’m beginning to feel human again.

I’m not sure I have enjoyed hearing the news of the world. It was certainly easier living in a bubble.

Maria witnessed my heart shattering into a million tiny pieces. Too many parts to heal. My heart will never be the same.

It’s been weeks since my miscarriage, and I’m still grieving for my baby.

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