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“There is. But I think we’d best save it. We’ve got guests to entertain and your firstborn’s not gonna stop bellering until we get back inside.”
“You sure it can wait, Vidalia? It felt...important.”
He was staring into her eyes as he asked the question. She averted her gaze. “It’s important,” she admitted. “But one confession is enough for one night, don’t you think, Bobby Joe?”
“I do, at that.” He tightened his arm around her, pulling her closer to his side, and they walked together back to the saloon.
* * *
The next day morning, Bobby phoned to invite her to go Christmas shopping with him, and Vidalia was all too happy to oblige. They shopped all morning long. The man had shockingly deep pockets, and he didn’t mind dipping into them. She helped him figure out what to get for two of his sons by asking him questions about the young men and guiding him from there. For example, Joey, the youngest, had a penchant for video games when he was younger, and they found him an actual arcade version of his favorite old video game. The thing was huge and would be delivered to the saloon the next day. Rob was into the outdoors, so for him, a hand crafted wooden canoe that was so beautiful it took even Vidalia’s breath away. For Jason, they were drawing a blank, and had stopped for lunch to give their brains a rest. Their table was in the food court in the middle of the closest mall, a full hour from home. Holiday music was playing, and the place was decked to the rafters with tinsel and garland, glittery stars and snowflakes. In the distance, a half circle of twinkling trees bordered a jolly old man in a red suit, who sat in a throne-like chair in front of a mile-long line of eager children with wonder in their eyes.
“I wish I’d been around more when my kids were growing up,” Bobby mused. “I was gone so much.”
“I know. You’ve told me. But regrets are a waste of time. And you’re making it up to them right now.”
“How do your girls feel about their...father, now?”
Why did he hesitate before saying the word “father?” Did he know? Or suspect? She pushed the thought aside. She was going to tell him. It was just a matter of choosing her moment. “It’s a different situation, Bobby Joe. He died before he could even try to apologize to them, much less make things right the way you’re doing now with your boys.”
“Still,” he said. “I’d like to know.”
She shrugged. “We don’t talk about him a lot. I think they might still resent that he wasn’t there for them. But they also know that he couldn’t be other than who he was. You can’t hate someone for being who they are. I’ve raised them to know that. And the truth of the matter is, when you know better, you do better. Sadly, he died before he got around to knowing a better way. I think he knows now.”
That comment made him look up swiftly. “You think he...went to heaven? Even with everything he did? Bigamy?”
“Iknowhe went to heaven, Bobby Joe. I’ve had extensive conversations about this with Reverend Jackson, who you still need to meet, by the way, and with Selene as well.”
He frowned. “Why Selene?”
“She’s...spiritual. Deep. Sometimes the things that girl spews sound like they’re coming from a hundred year old prophet just out of his cave. She’s a special one, she is.”
He nodded, leaning forward, having forgotten his sandwich and cup of soup. She pointed at it so he’d continue eating. He’d lost a little weight, she thought, since he’d been in town.
He ate, and she talked. “Selene doesn’t believe in an actual Hell. She says if God is love, then a place of eternal torment isn’t impossible. And that makes sense to me.”
He washed a bite of his sandwich down with a drink of sweet tea. “I’m sure your Reverend Jackson doesn’t agree with her.”
“Don’t be so sure. He says it’s a dilemma that’s always troubled him too, for the very same reasons. And that he thinks some things won’t make any sense until we cross over, and that we just have to trust that all is well until then.”
“What do you think happens?” he asked her.
She held his eyes, and her heart ached for the secrets he was keeping, and the worry in her own mind. “I think maybe when we get to the other side, we look back on our deeds, both good and bad, and we see the lessons in all of it. I think we get wiser, and that we heal.”
“That’s a beautiful way to look at things.”
She nodded. “And if I’m wrong, I’ll find out when I cross over.”
He smiled, dipping the final corner of his sandwich into the bit of soup he had left in his bowl. “I guess we all will,” he said softly. And he seemed a little bit grim just then.
Vidalia reached across the table and covered her hand with his. “What’s wrong, Bobby? Sometimes you look so sad it breaks my heart.”
He met her eyes, unashamed of the moisture that had come into his own. None spilled over. He blinked it away. “I don’t want to tell you yet. Not yet, Vidalia. Don’t make me. We’re having so much fun together. And it’s Christmas.”
Those words sent a shiver down her spine. So itwassomething bad. Way down deep, her suspicion took on more substance, but she refused to look at it or even acknowledge that it was there.
“After the holiday?”
He nodded.
