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“I didn’t want to say anything in front of Beachum, but I may have a lead on Seshat’s whereabouts.”
My eyes opened wide.
“Right now, though, we need to go get Z.”His eyes met Nem’s, and she nodded.
“All right, everyone, let’s suit up and move out.The location is over an hour’s drive, so Pinch, Decker, and I will craft a plan on the way.”
17
Z
Igot relatively good at marking time, although sometimes my mind wandered.I attributed my failure to maintain what I considered my normal focus to my lack of sleep.
My best guess was that it had been two hours since the last time Puck walked out.
Over the course of the last several hours, he’d looked increasingly haggard.More like a man nearing the end of his rope.I vacillated between thinking he was mad and wanting to believe him.
What I was most curious about was the timing of my abduction.It couldn’t have been my resignation.That alone made little difference.He’d be prosecuted for kidnapping either way.Which meant something had to have happened.The only thing that made sense was Seshat’s death.
Is that what had led him to think he had no hope?But wouldn’t he have just given up rather than take me hostage?I couldn’t make sense of any of it.
I ran my hand through my hair, knowing I desperately needed a shower and thankful the bathroom he periodically led me to—upon my request—had a toilet and sink but no mirror.Not that I was vain.
Until I’d met George, that is.Regardless of the number of times I told myself we couldn’t be together romantically, it didn’t alter the fact that I found myself stopping in the men’s room at Vauxhall Cross to check my appearance prior to going into any meeting where she’d be present.
Thinking about it now, I realized my desire, my longing for her, had never diminished.I’d just allowed my stubbornness to overwhelm it.
When I’d finally pulled my head out of my arse and done what I should’ve months, if not years, ago, here I was, kidnapped on the very night I planned to spend with her in my arms.
Lying on this cot, not knowing what Puck intended or even his current mental state, forced me to acknowledge the possibility I may never see her again.
I’d wasted four years, putting my job before mylife.Now, fearing the end might be approaching sooner than I’d hoped, I saw the absolute stupidity in my actions.Would that I could go back and do it all differently.
Between the time I met George and now, there’d been an endless upheaval at SIS, starting with Rivet’s forced retirement due to a family scandal so far-reaching, if he hadn’t, the outcome might’ve put the entirety of MI6 in jeopardy.
Upon his departure, the UK Foreign and Commonwealth Development Secretary had offered the chief’s position to Thornton “Shiver” Whittaker.Since he wanted no part of it, his brother, Sutton “Wilder” Whittaker, was offered the opportunity.When he turned it down, I’d visited the secretary’s office and pleaded my case for why I should be promoted to the job.
Whether my rationale had been compelling or the man was just grateful to find someone willing to take on the role, I’d never know.
Looking back, I couldn’t remember why it was so important to me.Why had I thought the appointment would make up for everything else lacking in my life?Mainly, romantic love.
Had I truly believed Katherine was it for me?That I’d never experience companionship again?I hadn’t even tried.Better put, I’d done the opposite.I’d essentially pushed the possibility away.
From the moment my eyes met Leighton “George” Marietta’s, I thought about it—her—constantly.I’d been in a heated argument with myself for four bloody years.It seemed ridiculous, reflecting on all the nights I wouldn’t have gone to bed alone.All the mornings I could’ve woken up with George in my arms.The countless hours she and I could’ve spent making love.For what?A fancy office?A title that made me an administrator rather than allowed me to do what I’d always enjoyed more than anything else professionally—investigating.
I’d dedicated a great deal of time in the last few months to the UN Coalition Against Human Trafficking, an organization for which I served in a purely advisory role.Instead, I’d suited up and pushed my way into ops no one had assigned to me.Subsequently, I’d felt more alive than I had in years.
Perhaps that was why I’d finally woken up and made the decision to resign as chief.The irony that I had and still didn’t know how it felt to hold George in my arms, kiss her, and make love to her ate away at me.
And what about her?She’d not kept her attraction to me a secret, nor had she dated much in the time I’d known her.That in itself was a tragedy.Had she waited for me, foregoing another chance at happiness, only to have what might have been between us end before it could begin?
It wasn’t just George that Puck was keeping me from.I had a brilliant and beautiful daughter, two amazing sons, a son-in-law, two daughters-in-law, and three grandchildren.Huck, Decker and Mila’s son, was the oldest and would be two at the first of the year.Wells, Quint and Darrow’s son, was two months younger than his cousin.Katherine, my only granddaughter, was approaching four months old.We’d already planned to spend Christmas together at the ranch in Texas.Would I be alive to spend it with them?The idea I wouldn’t nearly had me in tears of frustration and anger.
When I heard the doorknob jostle, I tamped down the building rage I felt.If I had any hope of getting Puck to let me go, I had to convince him it was in his best interest to do so.I had no means to force him.
“You look like hell,” I blurted when the door closed behind him.“So much for the kind-and-gentle approach,” I thought, looking into his eyes.
“You would too if you were me,” he mumbled.
