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“Please,” she rolled her lower lip out. “Please, please, please.”
“Please, Daddy!” my youngest daughter mimicked her mother.
“Yeah, Daddy! Please!” my middle piped in.
I sighed. “Let’s go.”
Two hours later, as I floated in a tube in the middle of the lake with my kids splashing around me, I realized that this was exactly what I needed.
A break from reality.
I took a sip of beer just in time to have thirty-eight pounds of toddler land on my balls.
Beer went spraying, but my baby girl thought it was hilarious.
So did my wife.
Me?
I was too busy relearning how to breathe.
Book:Jack & Coke
CHAPTER 25
Don’t get it twisted, I may complain about my kids all the time, but I love those assholes more than anything.
-Loki to Channing
LOKI
Me: What are you doing?
Channing: Trying not to stab people. This is all a bunch of bullshit.
Me: Just don’t get any blood on your clothes. We’re out of fabric softener and I’m not going back to the damn store this week.
Channing: You’re supposed to say ‘don’t stab people’ because that’s the right thing to do. You’re a police officer, Bryce.
Me: Okay, don’t stab anybody. But also, if you happen to, don’t get any on your clothes. For real. What’s for dinner?
Channing: Nothing. I don’t have anything to cook, and without you going to the store since I’m stuck in this stupid hell hole all day, we’re going to go hungry. Unless you want tuna fish.
Me: That’s freakin’ dumb. You can run by the gas station and get chicken.
Channing: They close at nine. I won’t be let out until at least that. Plus, we’ve been lucky not to get the Corona virus thanks to our jobs, but we sure the hell will have something if we go to that place. Hepatitis maybe. That place is gross.
Me: Don’t talk about my beloved gas station food like that. It’s always there when I need it.
Channing: That’s because you work weird freakin’ hours and can’t find any other place than Taco Bell open at that hour.
Me: What’s the point of this?
Channing: The point is I’m bored as hell, stuck in this meeting, and you have the time to cook something really good and won’t because you’re a lazy bastard.
Me: I’m working, too.
Channing: You’re probably sitting in your car, watching that guy’s place like you’ve been doing for the last week, and listening to an audio book. How is that hard?
