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Me:You nailed it on the head. I was a total ass and made her leave.
Laura:So what are you going to do about it?
Me:I’m going to go home and wallow in my self-pity.
What else is there to do? I made my damn decision to let her go. It’s best for her. I would just drag her down to my level and she’s so damn far above me, it’s not even funny.
Laura:You can’t be that dumb.
A laugh leaves me, and I shake my head.
Me:Unlike you, I don’t think my girl is going to forgive me. I went too far on the list of things you can forgive.
Laura:Never. If you love her, show her that.
I don’t respond back to Laura. Instead, I pull out and make it back to my house before I open the letter.
Dear Daddy,
Today is the fifth week we’ve been living together, and it’s been amazing. I get to see you every morning when I wake up, and that’s the most joyful feeling in the world. There’s just one thing I wish we could change. You never responded to my letter when we were just Jasmine and Chris. But now that we are together, maybe I can have that lunch date with you. It would mean the world to me, to be out in the public eye with you.
You told me to choose whether I’d wear the collar or not. It’s sitting next to Handa, and I can’t stop looking at it. My answer is yes. I’m yours. From now until the end of time. I love you so much. Please don’t freak out. I know we have a huge age gap, and you are kind of salty about love, but you’re my everything. I’d do anything for you.
The reason I’m writing this down is because I want you to be able to look at it in the future and see how much your little buttercup loves you when I’m not around to let you know.
Hugs and Kisses,
Little one
P.S. I know Lillian was more than a friend. It’s okay, Daddy. I love you and will accept that she's an old lover and friend. My hope is that you’ll be comfortable enough to one day tell me about her.
P.S.S. Handa is lonely. I think we need another stuffy. Maybe a little lion or cheetah, Daddy. Ok, now I’m done talking. I think!
“Fuck!” I scream out into the empty house.
Walking into my private office, I turn on the light and see the pictures of Jasmine everywhere. This room would upset her. It calms me down. Turning on the monitors, I look for her. She’s either at Tia’s old apartment, Laura’s house, or in her dorm room. A room she shouldn’t be in as she’s no longer a student at Groveton.
The thought of not seeing her every day has me wanting to trash this room in a fit of rage. I don’t do that, of course. Instead, I sit down and look at the first monitor. It takes me twenty minutes to spot her. She’s at the library.
Why the hell is she at the library at this hour? Zooming in, I notice she’s sitting at the table with her books in front of her. Is she studying? Pride wells inside of me. Even if she’s been expelled, she carries on like it didn’t happen.
The glint off the camera catches my eye, and I see the knife. Is that a fucking bottle of pills? What the fuck?
Zooming all the way in, I look at the piece of paper on the table and the pen next to it. The picture is grainy, but as it pixelates, I see the words: death is easier.
Hell no. Getting up, I rush to get the panda that she loves so much and grab my keys. Dialing her number, her phone goes straight to voicemail.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Me:Little one, pick up.
No dots on the phone show, and I start the car. If she kills herself, I’ll never forgive myself.
She never answers me, and I break every traffic law there is to get back to the college. When I get to the library, I nearly break the damn door down because my access key doesn’t work the first two times. The door finally beeps, and I run into the building, freaking out.
Jasmine is not where I saw her last.
“You came.” Her whisper soaks through me like a balm. One I don’t fucking deserve.
I turn around and she stands there, hands behind her back. “I knew you’d be watching. A student, well ex-student on campus, of course, you’d come.”
