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A hint of self-satisfaction bloomed across his face. “Isn’t that how it usually works with fated mates?”
It was. I knew it was. I wanted to explore this, I truly did. However, I’d spent my whole life living by my mother’s mantra.We blaze our own paths. Yes, Circe was a deplorable mother, but it’s hard to completely undo something I had heard preached since birth.
It didn’t help that I still had some reservations, afraid to make the same mistake my father had. Circe was his fated mate and look how that turned out. Maybe if she’d felt the bond as strongly as Father had she would have adjusted better to life with him.
I was half witch. Witches in general didn’t feel the pull to fated mates with the same intensity as most Others. I’d always suspected it was because of all the spells they’d cast over the millennia trying to buck Fate, that it lessened through the generations.
Perhaps if Father had waited before deciding he would keep Circe he wouldn’t have been so easily fooled by her.But then there’d be no me and no Kol. Not that it mattered now. What was done was done and like it or not, my brother and I existed because my mother said yes despite her insistence no unseen force would ever decide for her.
On the other hand, I was also half Seelie fae and the fae did feel the pull. In fact, I worried I was feeling it twice as strongly. If I wasn’t, and this was the watered down version, I had no idea how Casimir was able to handle it. I almost felt sorry for him.
I was committed to giving this a shot, it just wasn’t going to be easy for me.
“Are you really not interested in sex right now?” My thighs squeezed again. Why was I asking him such a thing? I knew I was a terrible tease, saying one thing while my body was shouting another.
The truth was, I wasn’t opposed to sleeping with him, not if I was going to explore this mating bond. And if I was going to be completely honest with myself, my hesitancy went beyond whatever Circe had done to me.
There were things under my clothes I didn’t feel like explaining. I’d never been shy about my body, but Dolan had taken to writing words in my skin, laughing and taunting me as he did it. Telling Casimir would only infuriate him, raising questions I didn’t want to answer.
“I didn’t say that. I am totally and unequivocally ready, willing, and able. Check for yourself, if you feel so inclined.”
The temptation to lift the sheet, remove his garments, and see him in all his masculine glory was too much. I licked my lips and Casimir rumbled deep in his throat.
“You would tempt a saint,” he whispered, tucking my hair over my shoulder. “So turn over and go to sleep because I can assure you I am no saint.”
Relenting, I did as he said, giving him my back and adjusting the pillow. “Goodnight, Casimir.”
“Goodnight, Little Bird.”
My lips tugged at the corners, hating the endearment just a little less than I did before. Casimir turned out the lamp and I closed my eyes. This wasn’t so bad.
‡ ‡ ‡
This was a nightmare. Try as I might, I could not fall asleep. How much time had passed? Two hours? Three? More? My mind wouldn't shut off any more than my heated body. If I had been alone I would have taken care of this flustered situation myself.
My typically dueling halves were having a fit. Relief was lying less than two feet behind me in the form of a sexy Shadow in plaid pajamas. My inner witch was agreeing with my fae half and I blamed them both for my current state. And I blamed Casimir. And the bond. And my self-imposed sexual abstinence over the past year. I was a mess.
“Are you alright?” he asked quietly.
“I’m alright.” The lie tore through me and I bore down through the pain. Strong hands rolled me to my back.
“What is it? What’s happening?” he demanded, worriedly peering down at my face.
“My fault,” I whispered, regaining control as the fallout from the lie dissipated. “I know better than to be flippant with a response.” The last of the pain ebbed and I took a deep breath.
Stupid, Raven. Very, very stupid.I hadn’t made such a mistake in years.
“That’s what happens when you lie?”
“Yes.”
“Fuck.” Casimir ran a hand through his hair. “Don’t do that again. Lying to me is unnecessary.”
“I know. It was stupid.”
“Then why did you do it over something so dumb?”
“I didn’t want to tell you I wasn’t alright.”
