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I only worry about my sanity when I let him inside me without a condom; when I let him properly make love to me and make me come around his naked dick, then watch as he comes all over my bare mound.
And then when I cry a little bit inside his arms just before dawn, that’s when I know, there’s something really wrong with me.
Because I’m still thinking about Albie.
Chapter Thirteen
When the alarm wakes me up at seven, I roll over with a groan and flick my hand across the screen of my phone. Looking around, wondering where he is, I spot him on the other side of the room in his suit, lounging in my small armchair in the corner. The air smells of fresh male so he showered already, then. The tips of his luxurious hair are still damp. He’s got one leg hanging over the arm of the chair and his shirt’s unbuttoned with the tie unknotted, the lengths of it lying scattered on either side of the open buttons on his shirt. To put it simply, he looks fucking gorgeous.
I get up out of bed and walk across the room. With a smile on my face, I drape myself across his lap and we kiss good morning.
When we pull away from one another, he whispers, “Last night was amazing.”
For some reason it was and I can’t deny it. Kissing his cheek, I murmur, “Yes.”
Resting my head against his shoulder, I know he’s got more to say. While holding my naked body in his arms, he’s not touching me except to hold me to him so I don’t fall off the small chair we’re on. Something has changed.
“It’s like a light went on and I’ve realised something.”
“What’s that?” I ask.
“I don’t love my wife, and she doesn’t love me. And if I stay with Chrissy, I’ll never find out what sort of man I could really be. I believe she exploits the parts of people she knows are vulnerable.”
“What do you mean?” He’s starting to worry me now.
“I was in love once before and it ended miserably. I think that’s why I like you. I see you and I see myself. How I was. Before all this.”
“Oh.”
“You understand, Mirabelle?” He slides his hand around my bottom for the last time and breathes in the scent of my neck, finally allowing himself to admit—no more. It can be no more. And this is a goodbye.
I’m nodding I do. “I’m glad you have realised you can’t continue like this.”
“I was broken when I started working for Chrissy. And I haven’t been unbroken. However, something did change last night. I knew you were crying about him.” I don’t deny it. “And I realised, those shards of the real me from all those years ago, they blinked their eyes open again in the face of the same shards in you. I know how the loss of that kind of love can make you feel… destructive… crazy. But the reason I didn’t stop what I was doing… even though I knew deep down it was wrong… was because Chrissy said this is what people do when they’ve been screwed over. They screw back. And so, I made myself not think of them as people.”
I tighten my arms around his neck to hold him and he pulls me tight into him, resting his cheek on my upper arm. After a while, we give each other a long, deep kiss and he sighs.
“I’m leaving today,” he says, with another sigh. “It’s the right thing to do so that nobody else gets hurt. It’s time I started fresh.” I nod it’s for the best. “You know, the pain never goes away and if you don’t accept that it’s a part of loving someone to have to let them go, then it doesn’t just destroy you, but everyone else, too. Don’t become like me, Mira. You’re better than that.”
I wipe away a tear. “Can we stay friends?”
“Yes, I’d love that!”
I hug him again, even tighter this time.
Then we leave the chair and I pull on my robe. He has his hand on the door handle with his back to me, when he says in a muffled voice, “Do what you need to do, Mira. I think we both knew last night would be the last time, didn’t we?”
“Yes.”
“This could’ve got nasty, but I would never do that to you. I couldn’t stand to see you become a part of her games.”
I purse my lips, look down at the floor and almost feel ashamed about what I was planning.
That doesn’t matter now anyway.
“Miles?” I exclaim almost desperately, before he walks away.
He turns back. “Yes?”
