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“I get that, completely. And even the parent I do have, well, when I made my first big killing… she sent me a chipped mug through the post that said, ‘unt’ on it and I thought what the fuck is this?” He mimics holding it up and trying to figure it out. “It’d clearly been picked up at a charity shop, and when I’d turned it around a few times, I realised the handle in the shape of a ‘c’ made it spell…”
“Oh, my god,” I laugh, covering my eyes.
“Yep, that brought me right back down to earth.” He laughs from his belly and it makes me happy to hear him laugh. “She has occasionally driven down to feed me, though. So I can’t claim total negligence, not really. It was very funny and I do still occasionally crack out that mug if I’m meeting a difficult client.”
“Wow,” I say, because his mum truly does sound like a character.
“It’s things like that… I mean, she’s not here per se, and she doesn’t always ask about what it is I’m doing, but she is proud. Like he’s no doubt proud of you.”
I think about the money that’s dropped into my bank account all these years and realise he’s right. Even if things won’t ever be right between us, he still cares, and so do I. And the fact we haven’t been close is nothing to beat myself up about. It’s just sometimes how life goes.
“It’s not a cunt mug, I admit, but he still sends me money,” I tell Aidan, totally deadpan.
He keeps a straight face for about ten seconds, then he nearly blows a gasket laughing and everyone else in the place starts staring at us.
When he stops laughing, he stares at me across the table. “You really are something, Mira.”
I think that’s the saddest thing. The person I most wanted to mean something to left me, and the person left behind… all he saw was her when he looked at me.
“Shall we take a walk in the fresh air and get the leftovers boxed up?” he asks.
“Absolutely. Great idea.”
I’m so grateful not to have to be positioned across a table from him any longer, not when those piercing eyes are constantly assessing and seeking.
We cross the Albert Bridge and then have a long walk around Battersea Park, sometimes sheltering from the rain beneath a bunch of trees. Often sharing kisses, too. It goes on like this endlessly and we end up a bit lost, meandering like silly fools.
He’s a great kisser and sometimes I’m forced to wonder, what is that thing pushing against my thigh?
There’s no way a man like him isn’t hung. That charisma and sheer confidence, magnetism and machismo, it can only come from a man being hung like a horse. The same as Albie, rocking a stage like a god, because he’s hung like one, too.
Aidan finally asks, all breathy and heavy-lidded, “Are you sure you don’t want to come to my place today?”
“I can’t,” I say, hoping he doesn’t ask why.
“Okay,” he says, and I’m grateful. “Dinner next weekend, though?”
“Absolutely.”
That’ll give me time to get the lady garden in order.
He leans in and kisses me lushly, as though he’s desperate for me not to forget him.
George pulls up at the edge of Battersea Park and we both get in. The windows soon steam up because of our rain-dampened clothes, but the flick of a few buttons, and the vehicle’s heating resolves that.
Aidan and I hold hands across the console and say nothing. George has Classic FM playing and it seems to soothe Aidan’s busy brain as we take the journey steadily through London’s rain-soaked streets.
When it’s time for me to disembark in Clerkenwell, Aidan grabs an umbrella from the back seat since it’s raining quite heavily now. He sees me to the door while George idles in the middle of the street.
“I had fun, Aidan. Thank you.”
“I’m glad.” He kisses me softly and leaves me where I am beneath the overhanging door cover. I watch as they shoot off and let myself inside.
I’m sat staring at the wall when I wonder why I didn’t mention Aidan to Kallie over the weekend. I think I know why.
Chapter Nine
We text and talk a little throughout the week, a welcome distraction, though every time my phone goes, a part of me is expecting it to be the news my father is near the end… or has met it already. The days go a little slower because of that and Friday crawls to meet me, but maybe also because I’m seeing Aidan again tonight and I’m slightly nervous about it.
