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Duh. Of course she had fallen for him. She was crazy in love with the guy, but she was trying not to be a dumbass about it. He might say he wanted her in his glittering world, but she knew this relationship had an expiration date that was fast approaching.
“I’m not stupid. I went in with my eyes open and while I like him more than is probably good for me, I won’t collapse in a heap when it’s over.”
“Wait a sec—over?” Cara’s smooth brow pinched as she tore her gaze away from the dregs of her adult beverage. “Is that shithead acting chilly toward you or something? You don’t still think you’re out of his league?”
Sexually, no. Emotionally was another thing altogether. “No, he never stops telling me how hot I am. He makes me feel more desired than any guy I’ve ever been with.”
“As he should.” Cara tilted her head. “So what’s the problem?”
Lili smiled thinly at her sister’s show of support. “It just doesn’t feel real. It’s like some fever dream that I haven’t woken up from yet..” But she would soon enough if Jack didn’t first, because if she’d learned one thing from her time with Marco, it’s that the axiom, Hot guys got bored, was self-evident. When it came to men, past performance was definitely indicative of future results. “We’ll go our separate ways and life will go on as before.”
There was no missing the concern that flashed over Cara’s face. “You spent the last couple of years running around after Dad, looking after Mom, making the rest of us look like pigeon crap—” At Lili’s mouth opening in dissent, she held up a calming hand. “For which I am eternally grateful, so isn’t it time you thought about yourself for a change? Grad school, all the hopes and dreams bit and if that includes Jack, then you need to go for it. No one expects you to put your life on hold any longer, Lili. It’s your time.”
That’s what she had been telling herself since high school but the chasm between telling and believing was as big as the gulf between old, insecure Lili and that brave, liberated version of herself that always seemed out of reach. When life remained as hopes and dreams, then there was still the chance they might turn out okay.
Unable to voice her fears, she fell back on what she knew. “Thought you didn’t approve. What did you say about him? All he cares about is cooking and fu—”
“Maybe I was overly critical,” Cara interrupted with a smirk. “I have to say that since you’ve been knocking boots with Jack, you seem more confident. More assured. And he’s definitely a lot less of a divo these last couple of tapings which I suppose we should attribute to you. You’re good for each other.” Sighing, she tipped her empty glass by the stem between her thumb and forefinger. “I assume he lights up your hoo-hah like a Christmas tree.”
Lili bit down on her lip. “Not going there.”
“Damn, girl, I’d tell you.”
“Liar. You never tell me anything about the guys you date. All that prime man candy in the Big Apple and your conversation sorely lacks for filthy details.” For all Cara’s rules about men, she never shared her adventures in big city singledom. It occurred to Lili that all might not be as perfect in Cara’s glamorous world as she had wanted to believe. The mere fact that she had graced Chicago with two visits in a month was indicative of some sea change in her sister’s life, though Lili couldn’t say what.
“Dating’s impossible in New York. Everyone’s too busy and they all think they can do better.” A brief flicker of discomfort passed over Cara’s face before she dialed up the sun in an instant. “Of course, with the new show, I’ll be working eighteen hour days and wrangling a staff the size of the DeLuca clan. No time for men so I need to live vicariously. Throw your old maid of a sis a bone and tell me about the lady boners.”
Lili leaned in and licked her lips. “I will say he talks a lot.”
Cara rolled her eyes. “Now why doesn’t that surprise me? The guy never shuts up on the set. Of course, he’s going to be a chatty Cathy during sex.”
“French, sometimes. It’s so sexy. And then he does this thing with his—” She took a long pull of her fancy beer, trying to regulate her hot and bothered temperature. “Oh, you wouldn’t be interested in that.”
Her sister’s mouth fell open. “Yes, I would. I’d be very interested.”
Lili burst into a laugh, Cara joined in, and for a moment, everything was A-okay. Her family’s business was on the brink of failure, Jack Kilroy’s fan club was probably taking bids from hit men, but otherwise, her life was not too shabby.
“Another round?” Lili raised her bottle to finish the last couple of fingers of her beer but before Cara could respond, a shadow fell across the booth. She lifted her eyes to the smoking hot face of her dirty-talking boyfriend. A swig of beer spurted from her nose. Elegance personified.
A move that classy should have earned her a smile. All she got was Jack looking tall, dark, and pissed.
“Hey,” she said, to which he delivered a short nod. Still pissed.
Warm, itchy panic sloshed over her as she wiped the beer from her nostrils with the back of her hand. He sat in the booth, his body emitting dangerous, wavy vibes she imagined she could see.
“I didn’t expect you until tomorrow,” she said cautiously. “How did you know where to find us?”
“I stopped by the house to see Jules. Francesca told me you were here.”
“Is Jules okay?”
“I suppose,” he said, resigned, and her heart scrunched on seeing his pain. “Are you okay?”
He picked up her beer and studied the label. “I’m fine.”
The last time he said that, he collapsed on the sidewalk outside her apartment and it felt like something similarly ominous loomed on the horizon. A voice at the next table whispered Jack’s name and a smidgen of anxiety flared in her stomach. Lili sensed, rather than saw, the wave of nudges as news of Jack’s arrival spread like a rash across the bar.
“You don’t seem fine.”
