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“When you take one,” she says with a cold indifference that I’ve never heard from her before. “Being here is a choice: your choice. And every choice you make has consequences.”
“Well, that isn’t fair. It wasn’t my choice to get blamed for Coach Metson shooting Micah. It wasn’t my choice for Micah to get shot. It wasn’t my choice to put up a video of me. I’m not out there searching for someone to…”
I breathe out slowly to calm my racing heart, cutting myself off. I don’t want to tell her anything about the emails I’ve been getting. No point in giving her any more reasons to question my abilities to stay at this school.
“I just want a break.”
“But you have a choice. You could always quit.”
“Quit? Are you serious?”
She nods her head. “I just wish you would take your position here at this school seriously. I saw the video. I hear the rumors. It’s obvious what actually happened, and I can’t for the life of me understand why you would stay.”
I narrow my eyes on hers.
“Excuse me? So I should just let the elite at this school dictate my life because a few of them don’t like me? How’s that fair?”
“Life isn’t fair.” Her words are soft, but they sting.
“Wow. Okay, Doc. If you think I don’t know that, you’re mistaken.”
“I know you do, Evelyn. Which is all the more reason why I don’t understand why you stay. The longer you stay here, the more attention you get, the harder life becomes. Why don’t you take some time off to let things settle down?”
“Or to let certain people graduate out of school. Is that what you mean?”
“No. I mean, why don’t you take some time off, and then transfer to another school. Give yourself a chance to finish out your academic career in peace. Isn’t that what you want, for people to leave you alone?” she questions.
“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have to sacrifice my dreams because these elite assholes don’t like me.”
Dr. Lewis shrugs her shoulders. “Maybe you should. You’d at least be happier, and are they really even your dreams?”
I squish my eyebrows together again in confusion. “I thought you wanted to help me.”
“I am helping you, Evelyn. Sometimes, you have to know when to give up.”
I cross my arms. “Gee, thanks. I mean, really, thanks. You’ve given me so much to think about. Ground-breaking stuff right there.” I scoff, closing my eyes, and continue, “You almost had me fooled. I thought you might actually be one of the good ones.”
I take a deep breath in, open my eyes, and start to walk towards the door.
“Evelyn, wait,” she pleads. “I didn’t mean that. I just don’t want to see you get lost in a world that you don’t belong in.”
With the doorknob in my hand, I look over my shoulder. “What world is that, doc? A world where I’m constantly trying to survive and live my life?”
“No. In the world of the elite,” she whispers so low that I almost don’t hear it.
“Why is that? Because I’m good enough to come to this school but not good enough to be one of them?” I ask.
She drops her eyes to her desk while her shoulders sag forward. “No. Because you deserve better.”
Instead of responding, I open the door and walk away.
What the fuck does she know, anyway?
16
After the shit show with Dr. Lewis, I decided to skip out on most of my classes and spend my time working out in the gym instead. It felt good to push myself to the brink of breaking, even if my body is currently protesting that decision. I’d do it a thousand times over again just to avoid any more bullshit for the day.
I think I’ve filled my quota.
