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“I know that the woman in front of you is a stranger, but I’m asking you to listen to the little girl you left behind. Can you do that for her?” I ask.
I can see Micah moving closer to me in the window’s reflection.
“Please, just stay where you are,” I plead breathlessly, making him pause.
My head leans against the glass once more as I take another deep breath in. I close my eyes and finally let the tears fall, after all these years, and I jump off the metaphorical cliff.
“I was sexually assaulted at the group home for years.” My voice breaks, but I keep going. “Caleb, you had asked me once how I got my scars. So I’m going to tell you. The night we slept together, you were right—I wasn’t a virgin physically. But I never lied to you. Itwasmy first time… Willingly.”
“How does that—” Caleb tries to speak, but I cut him off.
“It was because of what we did. It was the price I paid for letting you touch me. They were furious and thought it would be fun to burn me while they fucked me as punishment.”
I stand there, and for the first time, I mourn the little girl who died that day.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Caleb whispers.
“As soon as you realized I wasn’t a virgin, you started throwing accusations at me, calling me a liar and a whore. There wasn’t anything I could say back to that. You were right. I was a liar, and I was a whore, even if none of it was my choice.”
I place my palms against the glass and slide down to sit on the windowsill. The pain is overwhelming as each day in the group home replays in my mind. The blue dress, the touches, the shame, being recorded, being violated over and over… The smells of burning flesh and stale cigarettes. All of it.
“I just don’t understand why you would tell them,” I whisper.
“Tell who?” Elijah asks.
I raise my shoulders, straighten my spine, and wipe the tears from my face. Still sitting, I slowly turn to face them and stare directly into Elijah’s eyes.
“Your father.”
Storms roll in Elijah’s eyes, turning them almost black.
“That’s a goddamn lie!” he shouts, and it feels like a punch to my gut.
“I never told Isaac,” Caleb says in shock.
I look over and see his blue-green eyes swirl in confusion.
“But your father knew. He was there, too.”
Caleb pales and falls against the sofa.
“No,” he whispers and then goes silent.
I turn to Micah and his ocean blue eyes hold tears of their own.
“How could you not tell me?”
I shake my head as more tears escape my eyes.
“By the time I had the courage to try, you wouldn’t listen.”
“This is bullshit,” Elijah says. “You’re trying to say that our fathers raped you for years. My father may be a lot of things, but he wouldn’t have touched you.” His words are cold and harsh as he paces the room. “He had plenty of willing participants in his sexcapades. He sure as hell didn’t need you.”
I lift my chin. “He was training me, Elijah. He wanted to sell me.”
He looks at Caleb and then Micah, before glaring back at me. “That’s a fucking lie, and you know it. I don’t need to listen to this shit.”
I watch his back as he stomps off and slams the door on his way out.
