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I realized I couldn't wait anymore around Abby's first birthday last month. It hit me then that I'd asked Andy to marry me almost one year prior, and we were no closer to making that areality.
I couldn't waitanymore.
"I could be wrong," Sam said, snapping me out of my thoughts, "but Andy doesn't strike me as the type of woman who needs or wants to talk about everything. She deals with shit, and then she moveson."
"You're right about that," I conceded. "It's the 'moving on' that has me concerned. It seems like she's having second thoughts. I wouldn't be surprised if she wanted to call it all off, or not go forward with gettingmarried."
"But she's also a processer," Matt added. "She thinks things through before she has thoughts or questions. She probably needs this time to sort it all out. If she wanted to pump the brakes, she'd have no problem telling youthat."
I shrugged though they weren't wrong. "That's also true but"—I ran my hands through my hair—"I was going to book the honeymoon as her Christmas gift. I had it all planned out, and I was ready to pull thetrigger."
I'd hoped to nail down a date after our trip to Maine. I had suggestions ready, and I'd confirmed the availability of several venues. I also had the city's best wedding planner queued up, and I was prepared to spend an exorbitant amount of money to make all of Andy's Pinterest dreams cometrue.
But then we sat through the dinner from hell, and I didn't know up from downanymore.
"You can't use the honeymoon as a Christmas gift," Sam argued. "It's the wedding gift,asshole."
"While Sam is correct," Matt said, stroking his chin, "I see the conflict you're nowfacing."
"Multiple conflicts." I glanced between them. "Not only is she questioning whether she wants to getmarried—"
"You're assuming that to be fact," Matt interrupted. "I seriously doubt yourassumption."
"Let's go crazy and assume it is fact. Is that actually an issue?" Sam asked. "I mean, yes, it blows, but it's not like she's leavingyou."
"Yeah, she and Riley are going to be working on that North End project for time immemorial," Matt added. "She's not goinganywhere."
"Right," Sam replied, clinking his glass against Matt's. "Here's the real question, Optimus. Do you need to be married to behappy?"
I started to respond but then stopped myself. I wanted Andy. I wanted to be married to her, but if that wasn't an option for me, I'd survive with whichever alternatives she offered. I'd take whatever she was willing to give and I'd be content withit.
But for all that contentment, I also knew I wanted her to be my wife and I didn't want any of this noise to get in ourway.
"It's complicated," I saideventually.
"No shit," Matt said, laughing. "It wouldn't be group therapy if it wasn'tcomplicated."
"And now I need a less controversial gift," Isaid.
"Yeah, let's get serious about this excursion." Matt pushed aside his plate and pulled a pen and piece of folded paper from his pocket. "I've put together a list ofshops."
"Shocking. Jugger has a spreadsheet," Sam said under hisbreath.
"We can go big and start with jewelry," Matt continued, tapping his pen against the paper. "Or brave the crowds at Copley Plaza where we have a variety of retail options. Clothes, handbags, that shop with the bath bombs, morejewelry."
I hated malls almost as much as I hated faux woodpaneling.
"I'd rather contract leprosy than go to Copley," Isaid.
Matt clicked his pen and drew a line through one of the entries on his list. "I have bookstores, the pedicure place, assorted gift shops, lingerie boutiques, the place with the funky wooden bowls, everything." He glanced up. "Do any of those sound good, or is everything on par withleprosy?"
"It's all leprosy," I said. "Can't I just hire someone to bring me a range of gifts and I choose the ones I likebest?"
"You can," Matt said at length. "I don't know if that's a good idea, but I'm beginning to doubt whether any of this is a goodidea."
He rubbed his eyes. He looked fuckingexhausted.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked, pointing athim.
