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I shook my head. “You could have a turkey sandwich in… like… two minutes. Why do you need a spoon of peanut butter to tide you over?”
He flung a banana at me and I dodged easily. “A man wants what a man wants.”
“Maybe we should look her up. Find out what that story is. Until we do, it’s still pretty fun to fuck with her.” I peeled the banana and bit off a chunk, chewing thoughtfully. “And Galen, too.”
“Fuck with Galen, how?”
“Haven’t you noticed the sexual tension when he’s in the room with her?”
Baron slapped turkey, cheese, lettuce, and pickles between a couple slices of bread. So disgusting. “What are you, Dr. Ruth?” He asked mildly.
“Who’s Dr. Ruth?”
“You don’t know who Dr. Ruth is?”
“I asked, didn’t I?” I started Googling.
“Everyone should know who Dr. Ruth is.”
I laughed when the picture of a tiny, wrinkled lady pulled up. “Dude, she’s like, a hundred years old. You just know who she is because you’re a psych major.”
Baron paused before taking a bite of his sandwich. “If she’s that old she probably knows a thing or two about sex, right?”
Not something I wanted to think too much about. “Maybe we’re getting a little off track… ”
“Right. What you’re saying is that Galen wants to be doing two person push-ups with Jude.”
“That’s what I’m saying. And he’s mad about it because he thinks we all want to be doing two person push-ups and he doesn’t want anything to mess up this great bromance we have going on.”
Sandwich one demolished, Baron tucked into a second one. “But he was against her from the time she walked through the door. We’d barely spoken five words. Why would he even think that would be an issue?”
Baron, Baron, Baron.Sometimes he really was naïve. “You didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to see it. You were like that cartoon with the goggle eyes and Galen was blowing like a stallion with a mare in heat.”
“Where the hell do you come up with this shit?”
“I’m observant. But anyway—Galen’s been planning one thing after another to send her packing. He already asked me to order a package of fake bugs. When they come in, I’ll give them to Galen and let him handle it as he likes.”
“Bugs,” Baron said flatly. “That’s just mean. Girls don’t like bugs.”
“It’s not going to kill her. Oh! And then I got some frosting…” I went into the kitchen and pulled a tub of chocolate frosting from the cabinet. “I’m going to smear some of this on the toilet seat and sink.”
Baron scratched the back of his head, his brow creased. “That’s messed up, Ez.”
“It’s definitely going to look messed up.”
“Look, you guys go ahead and do whatever it is you think you need to do, but you can count me out. I’m going to work on figuring out why she’s here in the first place.”
“You might need to actually talk when she’s around to do that.”
Baron flipped me off. “And what about you?” The look in Baron’s eyes was coolly considering.
“Huh? What about me?”
“You’ve been very observant where Galen and I are concerned. But what about you? Do you have a thing for Jude, too?”
I felt my lips curve in a smirk. “I definitely wouldn’t kick her out of the bed for eating crackers.”
Baron shook his head and we fell silent. Then a few minutes later, as though he couldn’t quite help himself, he asked, “Aside from our friendship, why do you think Galen is fighting so hard to get her out of our dorm? It’s kind of every guy’s dream when you think about it. Hot chick living with you but not with you-with you, you know. Something nice to look at, but no strings attached. The potential for some… ” He made a gesture with his hands.
