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“Your room is a pigsty,” I said mildly, climbing into bed and pulling the covers up around my waist.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I know. I’m sorry—I’m not much good at picking up after myself.”
“No worries. Thanks for giving me your bed. And the shirt.” I plucked at the worn material. “It’s really comfortable. You might not get it back.”
“Since I really like how it looks on you, that wouldn’t be a hardship,” he replied, and pulled a laptop from beneath a stack of books on his desk. “Want to watch some Netflix, shake some of that bullshit off?”
“Is this your way of asking if I want to Netflix and chill?” I answered, trying to hide my amusement at how awkward he appeared all of a sudden. “Because I would love to watch Netflix and… chill… but I don’t want toNetflix and chill, if you know what I mean.”
“Yeah,” he said softly. “I know what you mean.” He seated himself on top of the covers beside me, his back against a stack of pillows, and patted the bed beside him. “Lie down.” Settling the laptop on his lap, long legs crossed at the ankles, he opened the lid. The only illumination in the room derived from a small lamp on the nightstand, and he reached to turn it off, leaving us bathed in the blue glow from the screen.
I lay down beside him gingerly, trying to keep some space between us. “What are we watching?”
He looked down at me, waiting until my eyes met his. “I’m easy.”
The reminder of our first meeting made me laugh a little. “I’m still not. How about something campy and creepy?”
“American Horror Story?”
“That’s perfect.” We were unanimous on the1984season and in minutes were cringing companionably over eighties hair and aerobics.
For a time I lay next to Baron on my side, my head resting on a pillow with one hand tucked beneath it, the other curled into a fist beneath my chin. The twin bed was small and it was impossible not to touch him, but I held myself as stiff as possible beside him until he reached over and tugged me fully into him, sliding himself down a bit on the pillows and cradling me to his body with his right arm. Now my head was tucked into the frame created by his arm and shoulder, every part of me pressed up against his side. “Relax,” he murmured. I could hear the vibration of his words in his chest, a deep rumble that soothed and stirred at the same time. “It’s just a movie.”
The hand curled around my lower back began a slow, lulling sweep along my spine, up, then down. Surreptitiously I examined every part of Baron I could see without moving my head—the dips and curves of his chest and abs, his free hand resting on the edge of the computer, big and capable-looking. Beyond the screen’s edge, his feet, long and oddly attractive.
I couldn’t remember ever feeling so secure. So completely sheltered and safe. I fought to keep my eyelids from closing, wanting to cherish the feeling for as long as I could.
The last thing I felt was the calloused pads of his fingers, barely grazing the bones of my face and then my lips.
I fell asleep smiling.
Chapter 24: Gale
Thwack. Slap. Thud.
My fists hit the bag in rhythmic one-two succession, sending it flying back several inches each time. I hadn’t taken time to put a pair of gloves on, and my knuckles were already raw and reddened with the impact. I deserved it. Deserved every second of the pain.
I’d gone too far this time. I hadn’t paid attention to my instincts—the ones that said leave it alone. Just fall, already—and instead had gone with my feelings, those raw, confusing things that I didn’t wholly understand. The look on her face when she had emerged shaking and sobbing from her bedroom… It would stay with me.
I hadn’t meant to terrify her. I’d never even been mean to a girl before, but this one, from the moment she walked into our dorm… she had me all kinds of twisted. I didn’t know what to do with everything I was feeling.
Shame.
Anger.
Resentment.
Confusion.
Attraction.
I slammed my fist into the bag again, and wished it was my face.
The other night, in the alley. The kiss. We hadn’t talked about it, which sent this weird rush of anger through me every time I thought about it. I didn’t want to talk about it. Right? I didn’t want it to be some big thing, not between us, and not with the guys. I just wanted to forget about it. Especially knowing Baron had a thing for her.
But Jude… she had walked it off like it was nothing. Perversely, it made me want to show her that it absolutely was something, and act like she was nothing at the same time.
I was so fucked up. Maybe it was because I felt guilty about wanting to fuck a girl Baron liked? I felt like I was keeping secrets from him. Baron’s family had taken me in when he was a junior in high school. I owed them… owed him… everything. Baron was, for all intents and purposes, my brother. We didn’t keep things from each other.
