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I sat beside the bed where Jude laid, small and still, oxygen filtering through the cannula in her nose. She was treated hours ago, the doctors telling us we did everything exactly right under the circumstances. She was going to be okay.
So why did I feel so shitty? It was the strangest feeling, like dread combined with relief informed by anxiety. I couldn’t sleep yet.
I flipped the hockey puck that was never far away over and over in my hand. I was still struggling with everything that had happened last night. It had been nothing short of extraordinary, Jude’s body supple and miraculous under my hands, her smile flashing open and sweet between Ezra and me.
And then it flipped. I knew the moment she pulled free of us that something wasn’t right. I remembered her beeline for the car, nothing but a vague look in explanation. Her fumbling search in the car. Her increasingly labored breathing on the drive. The glimpse of terror in her eyes that she tried to hide.
I remembered her collapse in the gas station store. The momentary euphoria that we’d made it, that the coffee would work, and then how she just wilted in my arms. I didn’t think I had ever experienced fear like that. I glanced down at the puck. My hands were still shaking.
Across from me, Ezra was slumped in another chair, dead asleep. How could he sleep? I couldn’t sleep… wouldn’t... Not until I saw her eyes open and looking at me again. They’d been closed since I brought her in.
As I sat, spinning the puck in my hands and useless thoughts in my head, a nurse entered, clad in purple scrubs and iridescent clogs. She sent a professional smile in my direction and began to check Jude’s vitals without speaking.
“How is she?” I couldn’t decipher her neutral expression.
“Hmm? Oh, she’s good.” The nurse frowned down at her tablet. “And who might you be? Privacy reasons, you understand.”
“Oh, of course. I’m Baron Whitmore. Her fiance.”
Across the room, Ezra looked at me incredulously and rolled his eyes. I gave a tiny shrug.Gotta do what you gotta do, man.
“Great. Well, her blood oxygen level is still a bit lower than we’d like to see. This exhaustion isn’t ideal, although it can be typical after an exacerbation of this extent.”
“Do you know how long she’ll need to stay?”
“We’ll definitely be monitoring her to determine that more precisely, but it will more than likely be three to five days.” The nurse entered something on her tablet. “The doctor will likely have a few questions for you later today, if you’ll be here?”
“We will, yes. Do they know what brought her attack on?” I asked.
The nurse eyed me across the bed. “It could have been any number of things, Mr. Whitmore. Cold, dry air can do it. Or allergens, like dust and smoke. Exertion.”
“She’s a runner, so—”
“Well.” The nurse tapped her tablet against her thigh. “She may need to talk to the doctor about that level of activity. We generally recommend less intensive exercise for asthmatics as severe as she apparently is. Yoga, swimming, walking. Things like that.”
Ezra and I looked at each other. “She’s gonna love that,” Ezra said.
The nurse gave us a sympathetic look. “They always do.” With a pat on my shoulder, she left the room.
“Fiance, huh?” Ezra wasted no time asking the question. Humor played around his mouth and I rubbed the side of my nose.
“It was the only way to find out what was going on with her.”
“I know. I’m just giving you a hard time.” His expression sobered. “Pretty serious shit.”
I laid my head back against the chair I was sitting in. “I think I lost a year off my life when she passed out.” I held up a hand. “Look at this. I can’t stop shaking.”
Ezra cleared his throat. “We got her here in time, Baron. She’s gonna be all right.”
“I know. It’s just… ” I trailed off, shaking my head.
It was Ezra’s turn to let out a heavy breath. “I know.”
“How are you so calm?” The words burst out of me. I wasn’t mad, exactly. I just didn’t understand.
“I meditated when she was with the doctors.” Ezra leaned forward, elbows on knees. “If I hadn’t, I probably would have put a fist through a wall.”
“I didn’t even know she had asthma.”
