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The one-lane road the house was situated on was perfect for running, and I ran every afternoon just to keep myself sane before circling back around to pick up the mail and wave to Mr. Chester as he made his way back from checking on his cows or whatever mysterious errands he ran.
Today was no different. I grabbed the mail from the metal mailbox with its creaky door and half-jogged my way down the gravel drive to the house. Inside, I dropped the stack on the counter and poured myself a glass of water from the sink, draining it swiftly.
Then, eying the pile of varied-color envelopes, I poured another and drank it, more slowly this time. I was delaying the inevitable.
Rejections for the college applications I had sent in were pouring in steadily, and I was getting tired of the dull ache of depression that set in after dealing with them.
I could tell from every envelope before I even ripped it open that it was a rejection, and yet I opened each and every one anyway, just in case it was acongratulations! we want you!printed on a single thin sheet of paper.
They were always the same, though.
We regret to inform you that although your scores were admirable and your academic and extra-curricular history exemplary, we had simply already filled our roster for the current academic year, particularly with regards to the requested scholarship. We recommend re-applying for the following year…
But they didn’t understand. I couldn’t wait another entire year. I had to get Lens out of that trailer, and to do that, I had to finish college—just one more fucking year—and get a decent job. Everything depended on it.
I fingered the corner of a pale green envelope, slightly sturdier than the rest. Chandler U. Maybe they wouldn’t send a rejection in a pretty envelope?
I set that one aside, and picked up another.
Eastern Virginia. A thicker weight, kraft envelope. This looked promising. Sliding a finger beneath the flap, I opened it and withdrew the letter inside.
We regret to inform you…
Shit.I didn’t read any further, dropping the letter and envelope into the trash can I kept beside the counter just for this purpose.
I went through the rest of the letters in quick succession, feeling the lump in my throat grow with each one. The green envelope was last, and my fingers hesitated over their task. I didn’t even want to open it, honestly.
I was so tired of rejection.
But I had to. Just in case. Resolutely, I tore it open and pulled the single sheet of paper out.
Dear Ms. Tiernay,
WELCOME TO CHANDLER UNIVERSITY! We are pleased to inform you that your application for transfer…
My vision grayed, and the letter fluttered from suddenly nerveless fingers to the floor. I did it! They wanted me!
Everything this meant slammed into me, and my knees buckled. I slid to the floor, one hand finding the letter and crumpling it in my fist. Tears streamed down my face, and I wailed into the silence of my empty house. I had never wanted someone more than I did in that moment to share this news. To hug. To transfer the sheer magnitude of relief I felt—it was so huge. So overwhelming.
I needed someone.
And I had no one.
After a while I stood, wiping my eyes with the back of the hand that still held the letter from Chandler University. I was alone right now, yes. I was alone, and I was making it on my own, because I was strong.
That wouldn’t always be the case, though.
One day Eleanor would be here.
One day…maybe…I’d have another family. One that didn’t lie and cheat and run away from hard things.
But for now?
For now, I was going to focus on the things that were important.
School. Job. Eleanor.
Survival.
