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Emil hummed in agreement, staring down into his cup. “It’s the strangest feeling—loving and hating big change. It’s terrifying.”
“I get that. When my parents died, my whole world shifted. They were kind of the center, you know? My sister and I went off to do our thing, and then we’d just sort of orbit this place. Then suddenly, they’re gone, and all this super-grown-up responsibility became ours.”
Emil tilted his head to the side. “You’re not a child, are you?”
Renzo almost choked on his tea. “What? Do I look like a child?”
“I’ve been fooled before,” Emil told him with a small sniff. “You have a couple wrinkles by your forehead, but that’s it. I couldn’t tell.”
With a faint flush, Renzo met his gaze. “I guess I can take that as a compliment. I’m in my forties.”
Emil blinked in surprise. “Your language is…you sound…young,” he finished weakly.
“That’s because I’m surrounded by teenagers all day,” Renzo said with a faint blush. “Their slang creeps into my vocabulary. But as someone who has crossed the threshold of forty, I feel pretty qualified to say I’m not a child.”
Emil laughed again, and Renzo realized he was quickly becoming addicted to the sound. “I’ll forgive you. And I know I shouldn’t be complaining about adult responsibility at this age. I mean, I was married, so that was a damn big grown-up thing to do. I just…never wanted all of this.” He waved his hand around the room. “I wanted to be a tourist in their lives.”
Renzo felt immediately guilty after those words slipped out. Hell, he wasn’t even sure why he said them. They were things from the darkest parts of him that he never wanted to say aloud because he loved his family. He loved that he could be there for the people who were left behind.
But there were moments it felt like too much.
“Renzo?”
He looked up and smiled. “I really like the way you say my name. You sort of…there’s a little accent, isn’t there?”
Emil glanced away, his eyes a little shifty. “Would it be okay if we didn’t talk about it?”
“One hundred percent.” Renzo picked up his tea and took a sip. It was still boiling hot, but it had cooled just enough to keep from searing the roof of his mouth. “I don’t know how people drink this all the time.”
“Leaf water?” Emil asked with the smallest grin.
Renzo laughed. “I’ll take my hot, soggy bean water any day. It’s how I survive at work.”
“It was that way for me too. I had a lot of vices, and none of them were good. But I’m trying new things.”
Renzo leaned on the counter and watched Emil’s fingers play with his mug, trying and failing not to imagine what they’d feel like on his body. “Like what?”
Emil hummed. “Going to lunch with a friend instead of sitting around drinking all day. I know that sounds ridiculous, but…”
“No,” Renzo said quickly. “It doesn’t. I’ve always been kind of a loner, so I get it.”
“You?” Emil blurted.
Renzo waved his hand up and down his body. “I know, right?” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Imagine people thinking all of this was awkward and weird.” He dropped his hand to the counter and grinned. “Seriously, I’m a huge dweeb, and I always have been. I had this weird glow-up that makes zero sense, but trust me when I say the moment people get to know me, they’re not interested in hanging out for very long.”
Emil sized him up, then dragged his tongue over his lower lip, and Renzo didn’t need to be socially aware to know what he was doing. “We’ve been talking for a while, and the longer I know you, the more I like what I see.”
If Matty had been home, Renzo would have backed off. He would have shut it down sweetly and politely, but this felt almost like kismet. Matty was on his once-a-month sleepover with friends from his summer camp, and Renzo had the entire night and most of the next day to himself.
He could think of far worse ways to spend his time than seeing if the absurdly hot, tragic mess of a man burning his mother’s old things wanted to spend the night.
“I like you too,” he finally said.
Emil’s smile turned a little sharp, and he waved his hand up and down his body like Renzo had done. “All of this?”
Renzo laughed. “Yeah. All of that. And I have a really, really nice bed here if you want to come test it out.”
It was the first time he’d seen Emil really hesitate, except for when he’d asked him to come over for tea, but it didn’t last long. Emil lifted his chin, then pushed away from the counter and walked around it. He seemed even taller as he placed a hand on either side of Renzo’s body, pinning him to the counter.
