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“Sorry,” Renzo said after a long pause. “God, I always make it so fucking awkward with?—”
Emil moved without thinking. He snagged Renzo by the wrist and brought his knuckles to his lips, kissing them very softly. Renzo’s words died on a whisper, and Emil closed his eyes, afraid of his reaction, but Renzo didn’t pull away.
He leaned in.
“You’re not making things awkward. I don’t…I’ve never,” Emil said, then opened his eyes and rolled them up toward the sky. “There’s a lot about me you don’t know but probably should. It would explain a lot.”
“I bet,” Renzo said with a very soft chuckle. “This feels like maybe a terrible place for it, though.”
Emil nodded, then fell silent as they reached the little order window, and Renzo got a cinnamon hot chocolate. The truck already had several pre-poured, so Renzo handed cash over and got his cup, then dropped his change in the tip bucket and grabbed Emil’s hand again, tugging him to a little bench near the far side of the skating rink.
“I’d like to ask you out,” Emil said.
Renzo nodded, but Emil didn’t think that was a yes. “I kind of had a feeling.”
“Yeah. And I’m breaking the whole no-strings thing, right?”
Renzo laughed and shrugged. “Maybe? I don’t really know. I was serious when I told you I didn’t do one-night stands.”
Running his thumb over Renzo’s knuckles, Emil stared down at where they were joined. It was cold out, so Renzo was paler than he’d been the night Emil had been allowed to touch him, and he was struggling to keep from kissing him again.
“Is this my answer?” Emil finally asked.
Renzo scoffed. “You didn’t ask a question.”
“Yes I did!” Emil pulled back and crossed his arms. “I told you I wanted to ask you out.”
“That’s not a question,” Renzo said with an infuriating smile.”
Emil threw his arms up. “Fine. Will you go out with me?”
“Yes,” Renzo said simply, and Emil deflated like someone had completely drained him of all strength. “But not until after New Year.”
“Is that some superstition?” Emil chanced.
Renzo laughed again and shook his head. “No. My sister will be back on the second, and I’ll have free time to actually go on a date. The night you came over, Matty was at a sleepover, but he doesn’t do that often.”
Emil nodded, then glanced across the rink and spotted Renzo’s brother, who was happily spinning a couple of the kids. “You are welcome to bring him along though.” He stopped when Renzo visibly winced, and he took a step back. “Or not. I mean, I know I’m not the most put-together guy?—”
“It’s…well. It’s not you, but it is?” Renzo said, his tone almost like he was asking a question. He rubbed the back of his neck, then took a long sip of his cocoa before he spoke again. “He probably told you my ex wasn’t nice to him.”
“Mm,” Emil said, holding back the words he wanted to use.
“It’s an understatement. Whatever Matty told you, it’s an understatement.” Renzo’s voice was shattered. “And it was my fault. There were so fucking many red flags, and I ignored them because I just…fuck. I wanted to have someone. I was tired of being this lonely nerd who was good for a fuck and little else. And John was…” He stopped, then shook his head. “Sorry. That’s a conversation for a few more dates in.”
Emil was desperate to know more, but only because he wanted to cup his hands around Renzo’s pain and shield him from it, as irrational as that was. “I get it.”
“My gut says I can trust you, but I don’t trustme.”
Emil held out his hand, and when Renzo’s fingers brushed against his, Emil kissed his palm, then his wrist. He watched as Renzo’s eyes widened and his pupils dilated, and when Emil stroked a thumb over his knuckles, his lips parted on a sigh.
“I can’t promise more than a date. Or that you’ll even want to talk to me once it’s over. I’ve never dated before. I’ve never been good for anyone before. And I have no idea how to be romantic. But I’m trying.”
Renzo nodded. “I think you should probably give yourself a little more credit. I’m feeling very wooed.”
It was a bit too kind, but Emil was so starved for hope he was willing to take whatever Renzo offered. “Thank you.”
Renzo stepped in close, then rose up and kissed Emil’s cheek, long and lingering. “Call me. Call me over the holiday. Call me before the New Year. Let me have some of the choice too.”
