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He blinked, then realized it was the first time Renzo had been over. It wasn’t any fault of their own, of course. Emil had taken his sweet time finding a place, and Renzo had been busy with his brother’s routine.
But it felt strange to know this first time meant they’d also be torn apart by the ticking clock. He turned and beckoned Renzo close, and he felt safe the moment his lover’s firm body was pressed against his own.
“Sorry I haven’t had you over before now.”
Renzo shook his head. “I’ll have time to see your place when you get back.”
Emil carefully dragged his fingers through Renzo’s hair, then trailed a touch over the cut of his jaw, loving the way it made him shiver. “I hate that I’m leaving. I hate that I can’t invite you to come.”
“Do you really want me there?” Renzo asked.
Emil winced and glanced away. “I don’t…know. That time of my life was almost as much of a nightmare as my childhood, and I’m not sure I want you to be a part of it.” He hesitated, then said, “I’m also selfish, and I want you there so I don’t feel so alone.”
Renzo cupped his cheek, drew his gaze back, then kissed him softly. It was warm and chaste, lasting just on the edge of too long. “Call me every day, okay? I have jack shit to do apart from lecture prep. For the next few weeks, however you need me, I’m yours.”
I’m yours. Emil wanted to hear those words in another context, and maybe with time, he would. But he knew he needed to be patient. “Thank you,” he finally whispered.
Renzo nodded, then linked their fingers together and pulled him over to the sofa. It was still stiff with factory newness and the lack of use since Emil still wasn’t at a place he felt like he could relax, even when he wanted to. But it felt good to sit there now with Renzo’s leg pressed against his own.
“May I ask…” Emil paused, biting down on his thumbnail before Renzo reached over and pulled his hand away from his mouth. He flushed along the apples of his cheeks and couldn’t bring himself to look over. “What did Oliver say about me? I mean, if he called me a complete disaster who needs to be handled with kid gloves, he’s probably right, but?—”
“Oliver and I don’t come from the same world,” Renzo said, cutting him off. “But things that make sense to us don’t always make sense to people like you or Victor. Sometimes I think I’m doing the right thing. I thought—” Renzo paused, then laughed, though he didn’t sound like he was amused. Emil took his hand and stroked his thumb over the place in Renzo’s wrist where his pulse was racing. “I thought you needed time away from me.”
“Renzo,” Emil breathed.
“I know, I know. When I hear myself say it out loud, I realize how ridiculous it is. And I hate blaming everything on my ex and the disaster he left behind, but you’re the first person I’ve had feelings for since my divorce.” Renzo turned his hand so he could link their fingers together, and he squeezed like he needed the comfort. “I’m not trying to make excuses. I promise.”
Unable to help himself, Emil dislodged Renzo’s grip on him so he could cradle his face, stroking his thumbs over Renzo’s flushed cheeks. “If anyone sucks at this, it’s me. I never learned what healthy love was until recently, and it’s going to take years before I trust myself to be better than I was. I wasn’t angry. I was just…sad, I think.”
“Fuck,” Renzo said miserably, leaning into Emil’s hand. “That’s worse.”
Emil laughed in spite of himself and brushed a kiss over the corner of Renzo’s mouth. “It isn’t. Sad is good. Sad is being able to feel things that aren’t just anger and…I don’t know, lust? Envy? Emotions that made me feel like crap all the time. Sad means that I’m falling for you—that I fell for you, and the distance between us made me miss you.”
“We didn’t even need to be apart, and now you’re leaving,” Renzo whispered.
Emil sat back, then reached for Renzo, pulling at him until he turned his body, then threw a leg over Emil’s thighs. Neither of them was particularly hard right then, but Emil knew that could change in an instant. Just the feeling of Renzo sitting on him was enough to start a small spark under his skin.
“I’m not going forever,” he murmured, curling his arms around Renzo’s waist. He was heavy on him, and it was fucking glorious. “Just for as long as our shitty ex-partner can manage to drag this all out.”
“You won’t be in trouble?” Renzo asked.
Emil reached up and stroked fingers over the back of Renzo’s neck, making him shudder, his eyes slipping closed. He gave a contented hum, and Emil wondered if he could sell his soul in order to stay. “The worst that’ll happen is I’ll have to pay him money. But Victor already talked to his team, who said they’re pretty sure they can get the whole case thrown out on our company’s decency clause.”
Renzo blinked at him. “Your company had a decency clause?”
Emil laughed, realizing how ironic that must have sounded, but he shrugged. “It was to prevent active members of the board from getting involved in any major public scandal.” He stopped, then shook his head. “No, that’s not really true. It was to give the company the right to distance themselves from anyone who acted up in public. Charlie would have gotten away with what he did, except he got caught with Victor’s fiancée in his apartment and was ignorant enough to get drunk and come to work a few days later to brag about it. He ran his mouth off at a bunch of interns, who put it all on social media…” Emil shrugged. He remembered the long days after Charlie’s affair, and his only saving grace was that Victor had disappeared and hadn’t known about any of that.
But it was still bad.
Victor’s disappearance went public shortly after, which made Charlie look even worse. And maybe if Victor had been someone like him—like Emil—no one would have cared. But everyone liked Victor. Hell, most of them liked Victor more than they liked themselves. So Charlie became the villain and Victor the conquering hero.
It was no surprise Charlie was this desperate to save face.
“He’s suing us for breach of contract since Victor and I sold our shares at the same time for well under their value. We also rejected several bids by him and other members of the board.”
Renzo lifted his brows. “On purpose.”
Emil scoffed, putting his hands at Renzo’s hips so he could ruck up his shirt. He fought back a groan when he touched warm, naked skin. “We weren’t really interested in being kind. Well, I wasn’t. I was trying to find a way to assuage my guilt. Victor just wanted out.”
