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"The fuck am I doing?" I stare at my reflection in the mirror. Arthur made sure to get me a brand new suit, in the style I favor, and it fits me, too. The bastard thinks of everything. I knot my tie, then swear when it comes out wonky. I untie it, try to knot it again, fail. Anger squeezes my chest. I curl my fingers into fists, and am about to let it fly when I hear a familiar drawl. "The cool emotionless Priest losing his temper? That’s a first."
Sinclair draws abreast and meets my gaze in the reflection. "Need some help?" He nods toward my tie.
When I don’t answer, he steps around between me and the mirror and begins to fasten my tie. "There; all done." He nods in satisfaction.
"Thanks," I murmur.
"Do you remember when I got married?"
"That was what, two years ago?"
"Nearly three." His lips curve. "Remember how nervous I was?"
"I’m not nervous."
"Of course, not," he says in a soothing voice.
"Don’t humor me, Sin."
"I wouldn’t dare, Priest." He raises his hands. "All I’m saying is, it’s natural to feel unnerved. A man doesn’t get married every day."
"I shouldn’t be getting married in the first place." I glance away.
"You deserve to be happy. You deserve a second chance."
Do I?I pivot and walk to the window of Arthur’s manor. No other way to describe it. It’s a ten-bed Victorian home perched on a hill in the center of Hampstead Heath. It has its own private driveway and swimming pool, and underground parking garage. Also, a home theater, a gym, and a den, which is where my half-brothers retired to wait for the ceremony to start. My entire life has turned upside down in the space of a few months. A family who largely hates me, except for Arthur—and he has his own selfish reasons for wanting me to take on the business. A fiancée who I should have never put in this situation. The only blessing is I have the company to focus on. Power and money—the two things ingrained into me as wrong when I was a priest. The two things I crave more than anything else now.
Wait. I can't lie. Now, there's her. She's quickly becoming my new obsession. It doesn’t take rocket science to tell me I was wrong to offer her a job, in the first place. I wanted to keep her close, in the hope of controlling the damage she could do to my focus; but this time, I calculated wrong. I should have walked away from her. Instead, I invited her into my life, and she accepted. And I'm going to pay the price for it—
No.Once we’re married, I can put distance between us, and everything can go back to being the same.
"You can’t keep blaming yourself for what happened," Sinclair’s voice sounds over my shoulder.
"Is that your expert opinion?" I scoff.
"When I met Summer, I was a heartless bastard." He stands abreast.
"Still are," I point out.
He ignores my comment and nods toward the city. "My only goal then was to amass as much money and power as I could, hoping to fill that void inside of me."
His words are so close to my earlier thoughts, I stiffen.
"Then, Summer swept in, with her pink hair and her optimistic nature, no matter that she’d been dealt some tough cards in life. She showed me it's okay to not always be uber-focused on my goals. She made me realize there's more to life than chasing the next billion. The thrill of seeing her smile is more satisfying than the next merger, more exciting than another acquisition. She's the only person who knows the truth about Max."
"Max, your Whippet?" I shoot him a sideways glance. "What about him?"
His mouth kicks up. "That’s between us."
I shuffle my feet. A sliver of tension coils in my belly. I’m not jealous of his happiness. I’m not envious about his contentment. Or his absolute certainty that Summer is his soulmate. I had mine and I lost her. And Belle?
She deserves better than a man who’ll never be able to love her the way she should be loved. Only, I’m not selfless enough to let her go. I can’t have her. But I will not let anyone else have her, either. Does that make me a selfish bastard? I never claimed otherwise. I have more in common with my grandfather than he’ll ever know.
"The reason I’m going all emo on you is because you need to pull your head out of your arse and recognize the good thing you have here."
"I’m not cut out for marriage." I rub the back of my neck.
"Who is? But then, the right woman comes along, and you willingly tie yourself to her, clip your wings, and remind yourself she's always right."
