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“It doesn’t have to be like this.” I lowered my sword and raised my hand again. “I’m sorry, I was wrong. I was too harsh with you. I didn’t know…”
“Didn’t know what?” Both hands were back on the hilt of her sword, and she eyed me with something akin to distrust.
“I didn’t know about your Mate.”
She dropped her sword as though it had suddenly become a flame in her hand, and clutched a hand to her stomach. Her mouth set in a hard line as her head fell back, and she took a deep breath. “I thought you didn’t want to know anything about me.” She turned away from me, her shoulders hunched.
“Theron told me.” I approached her back slowly.
She glanced over her shoulder at me and laughed bitterly. “So, you thought you’d find it within yourself to stop trying to kill me, because I’m in mourning? How big of you Rook.”
Her words stung, but I kept moving towards her. “You said we were the same. And I rejected that idea. But you’re right. We are. I was just too jaded to acknowledge it.” I reached her side, and wanted nothing more than to put a hand on her shoulder, but her eyes were blazing when they flashed up to mine, shining with tears, and I knew that touching her at that moment would probably just end up with me getting a black eye or a blade in my stomach. Instead, I gave her a sympathetic smile. “I’m so sorry you lost him.”
Her face crumpled, and her shoulders began to shake. She put a hand over her mouth, and I wanted to take her into my arms so fucking badly.
“Losing a Mate must be -“
“Stop calling him that,” she snapped, her voice cracking as she inhaled sharply.
“Stop calling him what?”
“Mate.” She dashed her wrist against her eyes. “I hate that word.”
I shook my head. “Why?”
“Because I’m not a fucking animal!” She rounded on me and shoved me in the chest. “I don’tmate.”Another shove to my chest. “I don’tbreed.I’m not a fu-fucking ani-“ She broke off as she shoved me weakly, one last time, and fell to her knees. She cradled her head in her trembling hands, and let out something like a howl.
I dropped to my knees in front of her. “I meant no offense, I’m so sorry.”
She turned away from me, sniffling. “It doesn't fucking matter. Just leave it.”
I sat in the dirt beside her for an age, not sure what to say, watching her shoulders shake and listening to her sniffle as she tried not to cry. Finally, she looked over her shoulder at me, her eyes red-rimmed.
“Do you have any idea what it was like to lose him and then have those - those dreams of you?” Her lip quivered. “I hadjust lost him, and then I was… I was dreaming of you, of doing those things withyou.”
“Elara-”
“I wake up soaked in your scent.” Her voice took on an edge of hysteria, splintering at the edges as tears threatened to break over those thick black lashes. “I cansmellyou, everywhere, that’s how… That’s…” She broke off as her breath hitched in her throat, shaking her head.
“I promise you, that wasn’t me.” I reached out without thinking, and took her hand. She flinched for a split second, but didn’t try to pull it away. “I swear to you, it wasn’t me. And I’m so sorry for it.” I was overcome with shame. I’d woken that morning, smiling after dreaming of her, while she’d no doubt been wracked with guilt.
I moved closer to her, and her brow furrowed. But she didn’t look frightened. Gods, she wasn’t afraid of me. I tightened my hand around hers.
“I have a feeling you’re about to get some bad news,” I told her quietly, “and I want to assure you I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”
“Bad news?” Her eyes widened a little. “What do you mean?”
“Whatever Theron has planned for you.” My eyes flicked around us, at the guards, then back to her. “But you’re strong, and you’re fast, and I think you’ll shock the ever-living shit out of him.”
Her eyebrows lifted for a moment, and then her face broke into a smile. She covered her face with her free hand, laughing breathlessly. “You think that, do you?”
“I know it.” I returned her smile as she raised her gaze back to me.
“I thought you hated me.” Her smile changed to a crooked grin, and she pushed the hair out of her face. “You’re being rather amicable towards someone you hate.”
“I don’t hate you, Elara.” I shrugged when she regarded me with surprise. “I thought I did. But I don’t.”
“All this because you found out Keir died?”
