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“You’ve cast a spell on me,” he murmured, his hands working at my nightgown, fisting it and pulling it up my legs. “Some wicked fucking Fae magic. All I can think about is your eyes and your hair and your hands, and every fucking thing else.” He pulled back from me suddenly, panting. “Fuck, not like this.” He leaned against the bedpost, shaking his head. “I don’t want it to be like this.”
“Like what?” I put my arms around myself, his retreat leaving me cold. “Don’t you want me?”
He let out a choked laugh. “Princess, you have no idea just how much I want you.”
“So, why did you stop? Is it because - because I’m still pure?” Fuck I hated that word, but I didn’t know how else to say it.
Even in the half-light of the bedroom I could see his surprise, his eyebrows shooting up. “You’re still what?”
I felt immediately self-conscious.Idiot.
“You’re still what?” He asked, stepping closer again.
“Pure. You know what I mean. I - I told you I’d never…” I was sure my cheeks were glowing visibly, the hot flush so violent it almost made my eyes water. “I just thought maybe, maybe it put you off.”
“That’s not it, at all.” He said. “I wouldn’t, I mean, that wouldn’t stop me.”
“So, whatisstopping you?” The jealousy I’d felt that morning in my room when the pretty redhead with the big tits had served me breakfast rushed through me full force. “Is it because I’m not some scullery maid you can just fuck and leave?”
Rook scoffed. “Oh come now, don’t do that.”
I stuck my chin out at him, feeling stupidly hurt by all this. “Am I too noble for you, is that it? You can use the body of some maid but with me you suddenly feel bound by honor?”
“Elara.” His voice was low, and hearing him say my name sent a rush down my back, a shiver so intense it made his rejection of me even worse. “Don’t do that. That’s not what this is.”
“Then what is it?” I was almost desperate now, the stinging, the unbearable fucking stinging at the back of my eyeballs making my eyes water. “Why don’t you want to take me to bed?“
“Because I don’t want this to be some pity fuck.” His hands grasped my shoulders. “I don’t want this to be two people desperate for someone. I care for you, and I want you, but I don’t want it to be meaningless. My life has been meaningless for too long.”
“You need to love me first, is that it?” I couldn’t help but sneer. “So all those women, all those scullery maids you violated the Accord for, they were all meaningless?”
“You think I meant anything to them?” The pain in his voice took me by surprise. “You think any one of them fucked me out of anything more than curiosity? Seeing if the stories about the Night Demons were true?”
I flinched, cursing my insensitivity. “Rook, I’m so sorry-”
“I told you,” he interjected, taking my face in his hands, “you’re the first person to look at me in years. The first person to speak to me, who wasn’t afraid of me, who didn’t treat me like a criminal or a freak.”
“I just tried to kill you instead.”
Rook chuckled, and leaned his forehead against mine. “We need to get you through all of this,” he said, “I want to help you. I want to see you through it all, because then, you’ll be free.”
Realization dawned on me. I had the chance to earn what Rook would never have - freedom. And then I would be gone, and he’d still be here. Still enslaved. Still trapped. And he’d lose something else. I was just one more thing for him to lose.
I stepped back from him, despite the urge to throw myself into his arms, to comfort him. Fuck, to comfort myself. His hands lingered on my shoulders as I moved away. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
He shook his head. “No, it’s alright.You’re alone, and you’re a prisoner. I understand you, better than anyone else ever will.” He backed away slowly. “I should go before anyone notices I’m here.”
“I’ll see you at training tomorrow.”
“No you won’t.” He shook his head. “Fucking Gods, you need to recover first. Let that leg heal. Then we’ll train together again.”
“So I won’t see you until then?”
He hesitated, and ran a hand through his hair. “I-I don’t know, love. Just… just get better, alright? Rest.”
He paused on the window sill, the evening breeze catching his hair, shimmering blue-black in the moonlight. “I mean it. If you were mine, I’d make sure you were safe. I’d die to make sure you were safe.”
“And so would I.”
