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It’s silent for a second. “Okay, well, it was nice seeing you. Have a safe trip back to wherever you’re going.” I smile, trying to mask the pain rising in my chest.
“Same for you,” Amelie says before walking to the car that’s parked by the curb.
I stay still, looking down at the ground for a second before León speaks. “Vio, I didn’t invite you because I knew that you being there would have hurt you more than not. I would have seen your face and felt my heart rip out of my chest. Because even though we aren’t together and I only have eyes for Amelie, you will always be my first love no matter what happens.” He sighs.
“León, it’s fine. I’m glad you found the person who makes you feel the way you used to make me feel.” I fight a tear threatening to slide down my face.
“I did, but I want you to find that person too. We both know that we aren’t that for each other. I’m not the person you fell in love with. You deserve better than me in every possible outcome.”
“Thank you, I guess,” I whisper.
“I’m going to go, but just know that you’ll find that person and when you do, don’t invite me to your wedding.” He smiles.
Seriously, what is wrong with León? He only laughed or smiled around me when I said something embarrassing, but it was only when we were alone.
We both chuckle at the thought. But the way I respond is not how I feel. Because sometimes it’s as if I will never find that person who makes me feel whole. The person who loves me just as much as I love them. Someone I can wake up to and just smile at the thought that they are by my side. But I can’t imagine that for me. I can’t possibly see that in my future. Because I’m never the girl people see from across the room. I’m not that fancy, chic, and well-put-together woman. I am me. But somehow, it just feels like I’m no one at all.
“Will do,” I reply as he pats me on the shoulder and walks toward the car.
I refuse to look back. I won’t do that. Because if I do, I’ll cry. I will not let him see me cry. I don’t want him to feel bad for finding the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
I am proud of him.
Proud of him for finally committing and grateful that he never led me on. Because I did that enough myself.
I always wonder if I’m a burden. Did I annoy him with my crush for so long? Is he disgusted by me?
Because I am disgusted with myself.
The reasons are: I’m sad because he found someone for himself. I’m angry because he didn’t pick me. I’m hurt because she’s prettier and better than I ever could be. But mostly, I’m disgusted that I’m pissed that he found someone who isn’t me.
For the longest time, I thought I got over him. But I guess I didn’t because nothing would stop the stabbing in my heart.
Hearing the car ignition turn on in the distance, I turn around and see the twins staring at me agape. They seem sad, with a sense of pity on their faces. Reaching into my back pocket, I pull out the car keys and unlock the car. The doors open automatically before they run to hug me. I glance up to see León’s car driving past.
That’s when I break. My knees buckle, and then I’m on the ground, sobbing again as if two years ago wasn’t enough. Cleo and Chanel go down with me.
I mournthe way I feel about him.I mournover the possibility of him ever seeing me as his first and only choice.
But then again, who was I to think differently?
I would do anything for him, even still.I’m pathetic.
“Vio, he was an asshole not to invite you to his wedding,” Cleo lets out.
“But I understand why he didn’t. I would have been a mess. I would have been acting selfishly,” I say, defending him even as I cry.
“Ale not telling you is something I can’t get over. Don’t get me wrong, she’s family.But that’s something I wouldn’t know how to forgive,” Chanel responds.
I try to think of all the reasons why she wouldn’t have told me. I can understand León’s reasons, but I actually talked to him about it. I haven’t spoken to Ale; she hasn’t been able to defend herself. But I can’t help but be mad at her.
She’s my best friend, and every day I feel like we are getting farther away from each other. I’ve always thought it was because both of us are extremely busy; we’re always traveling. She’s way more successful than I am. Plus, she has all these brand deals that I could only wish to have. But those little girls who once had dreams have both achieved them. We aren’t as close as we used to be. At the end of the day, that’s just my life. No one chooses me over their first choice.
I don’t realize I’m hyperventilating until my throat feels like it’s closing. My breath is taken away from me. I can’t breathe. My heartbeat gets faster, and my hands start to shake. The tears are getting worse, and my face starts to feel like it’s vibrating.
I don’t like this feeling; I’ve never felt it before.
I want it to stop.
