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She breaks our embrace.
“What do you mean by that?”
I think my words before I say them, making sure they’ll have the impact needed. “Right now, we’re in a situation where I’m in a relationship that quite frankly I don’t want. But at the same time, I’m struggling with breaking up with Marrisa. You being distracted today made me realize a lot of things. One, I was contemplating leaving so that my presence didn’t distract you anymore. Because in the end, this situation is getting in the way of your dreams. I want to be with you so badly, but my own personal mental blocks are preventing me from taking out the factor that keeps us apart. I’m the reason we are the way we are. Because you may not know this yet, but I’m not as important as your career.” I pause, and she looks like she’s going to cry. “At the same time, we both know we can’t stay away from each other. So I propose that we communicate. Because if I just end up leaving, it wouldn’t be fair to you or me. Built-up resentment would get in the way of us without a doubt ending up together. You being my endgame means that we will be together no matter the circumstance even if it takes longer than expected. Because you’re the one I choose and my actions for the time being might not portray that, but I need you to trust me that it will happen. What I need from you right now is to tell me what was different with our situation when you were in Qatar?”
This is the approach I’m going for and I hope it helps us in the least bit.
Vio thinks for a second, her nose scrunching as she thinks.
“I think we were just friends, no sex or kiss. We just were and your girlfriend not being present in the little moments between us helped.”
“Okay, what if we make a compromise? We don’t have sex or touch until I break up with Marrisa, which I promise I’ll work on. I won’t be intimate with her either; we won’t kiss around you or make you feel uncomfortable in any way. Will that help with the distractions?”
“I think so,” she says.
“I need to know that it’s going to help because if not, tell me what you need from me.” My tone is pained.
“I’ll try to work on my mental game more and all of that will help me. I don’t like seeing you guys kiss or cuddle or hold hands.”
“Trust me, it’s not my favorite thing either. Promise that we’ll make this work?” I hold out my pinky for her to seal or promise.
“Promise.” Our pinkies intertwine and we vow to work on this.
We look at each other, knowing that the next few months may be rough, but we’ll do it together.
APRIL
Chapter57
Xavier
ME: Are you here yet?
BLONDIE: I’m not coming just because of you; my best friend is your teammate. I just want to clear that up before I walk off this plane and into the same country as you.
ME: Don’t lie, we both know you’re coming for me, mostly.
BLONDIE: Stop, we already talked about this.
ME: I can’t help myself when I’m around you.
BLONDIE: Ditto.
Azerbai-fucking-jan.
A street circuit with walls closing you in and a sharp turn, making the margin for error larger than usual.
Risk is doubled.
I’m feeling that right now and I’m not even driving a car.
Why am I feeling like that exactly?
My girlfriend is next to me, watching a movie. She’s tried to cuddle with me for the past forty minutes and I haven’t let her.
Telling her I’m sore is hardly an excuse, but she doesn’t say anything.
The same thing has happened for the past week. She wants to have sex.
