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“Technically, I’ve known her longer than you,” I correct her.
“Fuck that.” She scoffs as the tears slip out.
Marrisa is trying to keep that Schultz façade, but it seems like it’s slipping. She deserves to be angry; she can hit me for all I care.
“She’s not the one obsessed. I’m fucking bewitched by her.”
“So what? You get some good pussy and now you want to end something we’ve built for the past two years! I told you I would give you time, but never in a million years did I think you would go fuck her instead of fucking me.” She breathes in disbelief.
“Don’t talk about her like that! You can hate me all you want, scream, tell me I’m a fucking piece of shit. Because I may not want to be with you anymore, but I still feel horrible and disgusted with myself for cheating. But don’t talk about her like that. I brought her into this situation. It’s my fault, not hers.”
“You can defend her all you like, but she slept with a taken man.” Marrisa is seething.
“I love her, Marrisa! I wouldn’t just throw this all away if I didn’t. You’ve been a great girlfriend, but we’re just not each other’s endgame.”
“You think that makes this better? It makes it a thousand times worse; we all do compulsive things because of lust. But falling in love with her is the worst thing a man can do to his girlfriend. You did the worst thing; you emotionally cheated on me and slept with her. You couldn’t just pick one, could you?”
“You have every right in saying that to me. I get it.” I’m trying to be reasonable here. I’m an asshole.
“Don’t you try to agree with me like it’s going to make this better!”
“What else do you expect me to do?”
“Not cheat on me!”
Fair.
“When?” she asks.
“When what?”
“When did you start falling for her?”
“If I’m honest, before I even met you. But more seriously, in Acapulco.”
“That was seven months ago and you didn’t have the slightest want to communicate with me?”
“Marrisa, I did. But I was scared. Your dad’s the investor at my Formula One team.”
“Well, say goodbye to my father’s money because Elektra Motorsports will not have his sponsorship after this.”
“It won’t affect me. I’m retiring. Don’t do that to the team I’m not going to be a part of, no matter how bad my actions are. This will affect so many people who don’t deserve to be affected,” I plead with her. Elektra Motorsports has revived my career. They made me a world champion. My best friend Ale is still there and even if she hates their money, it means a faster car for her. I’ve always rooted for Ale. She’s already a legend, but it would be nice to see her dominate the sport for a couple more years. The whole team has been a family to me. They don’t deserve any of this.
She rolls her eyes. “How many times have you slept together?”
“Once in Palm Springs. We felt like shit afterward. It just happened and if I’m honest, I don’t regret it a single bit.”
“You’re such an asshole.”
“I’m trying to be honest!”
I struggle to explain, to make her understand that it wasn’t her fault, that I fell for someone else, someone I never intended to fall for. But explanations offer little solace in a situation like this.
“You know what? You thinking you’re a mistake your whole life is the truth. Xavier, you are a mistake and I’m so mad at myself for ever falling for you.”
That was a low blow.
My hands ball into fists as I try to hold back my anger, reminding myself that we all say things we don’t mean when we’re hurt.
