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Not that Paige minded. There was something to navigating a crowd of happy people on one’s own. She might not be able to take her time picking out which booths she wanted to peruse, but once she was there, nobody urged her to leave because they werebored.Then again, Paige was surprised she didn’t catch up to her wife at a bookshop occupying a corner booth.
The sellers were distracted by a group of people at the other table, giving Paige ample opportunity to spin the racks and dig through the magazines, both vintage and new. She found a copy ofTransAmericamagazine signed by Laverne Cox that was enticing but was quickly distracted by other books arranged neatly on a shelf.
There were some of the usual suspects about exploring one’s sexuality, from baby’s-first-gay-kiss to dating in an app-infused world full of people who don’t respect boundaries. But that wasn’t what Paige cared about – she was old hat at all of that. Instead, she pulled out a photobook titled,“Sapphic Submission.”
She brazenly opened that in public, where anyone could see her. Yet after a few weeks ago?I’m not as reserved as I thought I was now.She thought nothing of opening right to a spread of highly erotic art depicting two women in a very kinky pose, complete with the same kind of nipple clamps Paige had seen in Hellfire. For all she knew, it was the same professional.
She then turned to the front, which was more written editorial than photographic.
“I never truly embraced the queer girl within me,”wrote one of the book’s models,“until I gave myself over to a woman. A domme. I never realized such a thing existed.”
She went on to say that engaging in BDSM and kinky play rejuvenated her love for herself, for it allowed her to feel pleasure while getting to know the “real girl” within her – one unbridled by societal expectations, both as a woman and as a lesbian.
“We’re taught from a young age that men are in charge. If you realize you’re gay, that creates a conundrum for everyone, even the most well-meaning people. ‘Who is the man?’ I’ve been asked by both friends and family as if either of us wants to be. When I’m with women like my Mistress, I’m whisked away to a world where none of the gender bullshit exists. It’s me and her. I can completely give myself over, hungry body and tattered soul, to her. We do not doubt each other’s womanhood while respecting the sweet roles we play in the bedroom. It’s the most freeing thing I’ve ever experienced. I wish more women like me could feel this like I do.”
The column referenced a specific photograph on the next page. When Paige turned to it, she was greeted by a silhouette of the writer succumbing to the embrace of a woman who was smaller and more delicate than her. The writer, with her large, athletic frame, was no doubt a womanly idealization of herself as she submitted to the hyper-feminine shadow wielding a paddle. The caption read,“Lady A Shares a Sweet Moment with Her Submissive Partner, Dolly.”
Paige’s imagination ran with the possibilities.
She did not shy away from her recent thoughts. They teased her every time she had a moment to herself, and why wouldn’t they? Paige’s mind had been opened to the endless possibilities of fetish and kink. She didn’t know how deeply she wanted to take it, let alone with Rhea, but she knew her interest was more than piqued – it yearned to know more.
BDSM was not a new concept to her. She lived in LA, after all. What beguiled Paige, however, was the realization that it could apply toher.She could be like those professionals on the stage in Hellfire. She could be like this woman in this photoshoot, celebrating her womanhood with someone who understood her on such a deep, personal level. Someone who didn’t see her for the possible gender role she inhabited.
“Find anything interesting?”
Paige had seen Jeanette come up in the corner of her eye but was so engrossed in the book that she did not yet wish to pry her attention away. Now? She had no choice.
“You might know something about this,” she said.
Jeanette chuckled upon seeing the title. “There’s one I haven’t heard of before. You know, I heard that you two went to Hellfire a few weeks ago. With Jocie. I was kinda surprised. You guys don’t usually go for that.”
“Go for what?”
Jeanette picked up the same issue ofTransAmericabefore putting it down again. “The super spicy stuff.”
“You mean public sex and kink. Fetish stuff.”
“Ha! Sure. Hellfire isn’t like some other clubs in the area where you have to go looking for the really fun stuff. It’s right in your face as soon as you leave the main lounge. Ask me how many times Roxy and I have stumbled on thewrongkind of party when looking to chill.”
Paige couldn’t help it: she imagined Jeanette and her wife stumbling upon a scene of another couple’s own making.Mine and Rhea’s.Right now, though, it was a clever secret the pair kept to themselves.
“You guys do this stuff, right?”
This time, Jeanette was not surprised when Paige brought it up. “You know we do. It’s not a secret if you know us long enough. Why? Aw, you and Rhea are dabbling, aren’t you? Wait. Have you guys been freaks like us this whole time?”
She asked it so genuinely that Paige couldn’t help but laugh. She closed the book and shelved it before anyone else chanced upon her reading it. “You might say I’m interested in dabbling. You know, we’ve been seeing that therapist you recommended. Quite the interesting lady, with uh… interesting methods.”
“Did Dr. Seville suggest you guys do kinky stuff? She usually saves that for later. It’s why we were upfront about it with her. Wanted her to know what she was in for withus.”
“As I said, I want to dabble.”
“Does Rhea?”
Paige was temporarily distracted by a coordinator with a megaphone who reminded everyone to grab their last-minute tickets to see Meghan Thee Stallion later that evening. Paige knew that Jeanette and Roxy had tickets, but Rhea knew she’d rather have dinner somewhere quiet than face a concert on top of this crowd.
“I think she’s into it. I mean, she’s seen what it’s done to me. Rhea is into pretty much anything I am.”
“Ah, gotta be careful with that,” Jeanette sagely said. “I’ve met women like Rhea in the kink scene. Introverted, curious but confused, and prone to getting inwayover their heads while their partner runs ahead of them. Make sure it’s something you both want to do before diving in. Also… do you know which role appeals to you?”
