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Are you trying to convince me to have doubts?
COULD I convince you?he counters.The last thing I ever want to do is take advantage of you.
I sit up in bed, looking across the room at Mom, her chest rising and falling softly in silhouette. I wish he were here now, in person. Then I could hold him tight, look him directly in the eyes, and let him know how serious I am.
You could spend the next ten years trying, and you still wouldn’t convince me,I type quickly.I don’t care if I’m only nineteen. I don’t care if people would think I’m immature. I’ve had to grow up fast. I know what I want—who I want. It’s you.
I want you too,he replies.Just you. Nobody else. The mafia life is one-sided as hell. Men can cheat. Married men can have girlfriends, but not me, Scarlet. I only want you. Forever.
I gasp, then bite down, not wanting to wake Mom. I read his message repeatedly, trying to convince myself I’m not going crazy. I read that correctly. He wants me, only me…
Three dots appear and disappear. He’s probably wondering why I’m taking so long to reply. I’m unsure how to tell him I’ve wanted him since the moment I saw him. How can I explain that destiny touched me the second I laid eyes on him? Fate claimed us both.
Forever?I type slowly, as if taking my time with the message means his answer will be the one I want—the one I need.
I wanted to tell you this in person, but yes. Forever. Learning what happened between Mom and Dad has made me see things differently. I can’t keep this locked inside anymore.
I read his message, then see he’s typing another. Turning, I sit up, placing my feet on the floor. I can’t stay in bed. I feel like I need to get up and run, get up and sing, get up anddo something.Maybe I should call him, but if he’s texting, there’s probably a reason. Honestly, texting about this is far easier than talking would be.
When I saw you, my singing angel, I knew you were mine. It happened before you left me that note and asked for help. It happened INSTANTLY. Before, I was a cold workaholic. I was content to work sixteen hours a day, burying my head and ignoring even the idea of relationships. But when I saw you, that all changed. I knew I had to have you.
I read this message, my heart beating so hard, a smile spreading warmly across my face. Tears threaten to sting my eyes. I can’t believe he’s saying this. What if somebody has somehow gotten hold of his phone? Is this really him?
I knew you were—you are—MINE. You’re the future mother of my children. You’re my future wife. I have to tell you this now. I can’t wait. Life changes too quickly. Everything can flip upside down in a moment. Nothing is secure except us. I have to know. Do you feel the same? COULD you? Do you want to be my woman?
I’m about to reply when I see he’s typing another message. I imagine my man hunched over his phone, powerful shoulders bulging, typing fast as the passion scorches through him. My body tingles just like it did when we were getting steamy, my core telling me to find him, ride him, take his seed.
My dad, my not-really-a-dad, passed awaytoday. No, he was murdered, but the truth is—I couldn’t even say this to Mom—I don’t care. I don’t even care about Mom’s addiction or all the drama and bloodshed. All I care about are those three dots on my cell phone screen, telling me he’s going to say something else that will send my soul soaring.
If you think I’m crazy for thinking this, you have to tell me. I need the truth. Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Don’t lie to me. Don’t agree just because you want my money. I always need two things from you, Scarlet: loyalty and honesty. If you can give me those, nothing can ever break us apart.
I’m breathing fast, passion making my heart beat hard. There’s so much… yes,think it. There’s so muchloveinside of me. It’s burning through me, making me want to sing and cheer. It makes me want to sink into his lap.
Send me a picture,I reply.
Why?
I need to make sure you were the one who actually sent all these messages.
Okay…
A photo of my man appears. He’s not pulling some pretty boy pose like boys my age would be. He simply stares at the camera, his eyes as intense as usual.
I swallow, then start typing my message. I can’t let myself wonder if this is a trick. I can’t let myself wish we were sharing this under different circumstances without so much tension and doubt. I’ll never forgive myself if I’m not honest in this moment.
If you want the crazy truth, Elio, I feel the same. I wanted you the first moment I saw you. I never dreamed you’d want me, too. I thought I’d be too young, too plus-size, too unglamorous. I want you badly. I need you. I want to have your babies. I want to be your life. I want to be yours, only yours, and I need you to be mine, only mine.
When I send the message, I bite down, waiting for his reply. Texting has taken on a whole new meaning since I started doing it with my man. Before, it was just a convenience for making arrangements and making small talk with Charlotte. Maybe that makes me a strange nineteen-year-old.
Yet with Elio, it’s like we’ve gone back a hundred years. We’re not texting, exactly. We’re sending electronic love letters. My heart glows when I see those three dots. There’s no nervousness. He’s not going to take back what he said.
Swear you’re telling the truth.
I swear, Elio,I reply.I’m more confident about this than I’ve ever been about anything in my life. When we were talking about kids, I was thinking about US having a family. When I think about the future, I see US together. I can’t imagine anybody else. If we didn’t work out, I’d be a spinster forever.
If we didn’t work out? There’s no way for that to happen, my perfect girl, unless one of us cheated. I’d die before I cheated on you, and I’d kill any bastard who touched you.
I don’t want to be with another man.I look across the room, wondering why Mom’s panting so hard, and then I realize the sound is coming from me.You’re the only one I ever want. I promise. I’d never cheat on you.
