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“You did. It did help. I shouldn’t have teased you about always being right.”
“Sometimes people say I am a little too perfect. Or am a little too...easy. They don’t understand that I’ve worked hard to be that way. Because I feel like that’s the way the Lord wants me to be. Not perfect, but kind. Not quick to be angry.”
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
“Yeah. That doesn’t come naturally to anyone, I don’t think.”
“Nor does being kind to people who aren’t kind to you.”
“Exactly.”
“Nor does...forgiving people when you feel like they don’t deserve it,” he said, and there was bitterness in his voice but also guilt.
“I don’t want to guilt you into forgiveness.”
“You’re not. You just opened my eyes and made me see that maybe it wasn’t all Norma Jean. I wanted to point the finger at her. I wanted to say she was a terrible person. I want to hear you tell me that it was totally within the realm of possibility that she did exactly what I thought she did. And that would justify me getting angry and pressing charges.”
“But?” she prompted when he stopped.
“But maybe seeing you and how you treated her, there was a part of me that said she deserves to have someone who actually holds her accountable for her actions. But what I failed to see was maybe I needed to grow, rather than worrying about making sure everyone else gets what they deserve.”
“Forgive.”
“Exactly, and there I was trying to excuse myself.”
“That doesn’t have anything to do with me being annoying because I’m perfect,” she said, using her fingers to do air quotes, because she knew she was not perfect. Far from it.
“That’s not annoying. It’s convicting.” He grinned at her. “There’s a difference.”
“A very fine difference apparently.” She meant it as a joke, to lighten the air between them, because his compliment was making her uncomfortable. She didn’t see herself that way. More like someone who needed work—a lot of work—and was not an example for anyone.
“You want to be around people who make you better. Every time I’m around you, I learn something, or I get better. Except for Chinese checkers.” He wrinkled his nose up and squinted at the board. The backlog in the middle had mostly eased out, but he still had marbles that were still in their starting position, and Sally had marbles that were sitting there waiting to go into those slots. “Thank you. Thank you for being someone I can look up to and who forces me to take a look at myself and realize I need to be better.”
She stared at the board, feeling bad.
“Compliments are supposed to make you smile,” he teased, moving just a little, as though trying to catch her eye. She didn’t look at him though, although she knew she had to answer him. To at least explain why she was acting so oddly.
“Sally?” he prompted.
“I’m sorry. I... I just don’t feel like I deserve a compliment like that. I mean, I guess sometimes I do act the way I should, but I feel like I fail more than I succeed, and that I’m a terrible example for anyone. And then, if you only knew the things I thought. I’m not someone who should be anyone that people look up to.”
“I think we all have thoughts like that. No one is perfect. And maybe you misunderstood, because I wasn’t telling you you were perfect.”
“No, I didn’t misunderstand.” She smiled.
“Good, because I wouldn’t want you to get confused.” He moved one of his marbles and then looked back up at her. “But it’s okay to say thank you. You don’t have to say anything else.”
“Even when I feel like I don’t deserve it?”
“I guess if you felt like you deserved it, I probably wouldn’t be saying it. Because it wouldn’t be true.”
She tilted her head and then huffed out a laugh. “I guess that makes sense.”
“I see what you’re saying, you don’t want me to think more highly of you than what you are, because you’re afraid...” His voice trailed off like he wasn’t sure what she might be afraid of. But she knew.
“I’m afraid that you’ll be disappointed when you find out that I’m not as good as what you seem to think I am.”
His smile was gentle. “I don’t think you need to worry about that.”
