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“I’m sorry I was so mean to you earlier,” he said, feeling contrite to the very tips of his toes. She hadn’t deserved to bear the brunt of his frustration.
“I understand that you didn’t hear what you wanted to with the doctor. I was available as a scapegoat for your disappointment.”
“Yeah. That was very childish of me.”
“For the most part, you’ve handled this with aplomb. I think you’re allowed to be childish once in a while.”
“No. Not when it hurts someone I...have become so fond of.”
“You’re fond of me?” Sally asked, laughter in her voice. “How fond?”
“I think you know.”
“I wasn’t so sure about it today.”
“A bad mood doesn’t change how I feel.”
“It’s hard to see that when you’re on the receiving end of that bad mood.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I don’t think anyone expects you to be perfect. And I understand that it has to be annoying and frustrating to not be able to do what you want.”
“That’s just it. As I was thinking about that this evening after you went to bed, I realized that... That’s the way my life is supposed to be. Just calm acceptance from God of whatever He wants to give me. And, I don’t have a problem with that calm acceptance as long as the things that He gives me are what I want. The problem comes when he gives me trials that I don’t feel I deserve.”
“Ah. That’s wise.”
“I was really angry at Norma Jean for a while. I wanted to press charges. I wanted to ruin her life the way it feels like she’s ruined mine, but that’s not really showing calm acceptance of my trial from the Lord, is it?”
“No. It’s not.”
“And I started to think that maybe I needed this trial.”
“Needed?” Sally asked, as she slipped a little closer through the dark and knelt down beside the couch, her hand on his forearm.
He put his other hand over top of hers, and their fingers threaded together. Hers were slender and a little cool, and they felt delicate and small.
“Yeah. I needed the reminder that happiness is a choice. I... I can choose to be bitter and angry, to allow myself to feel like I deserve better. That someone else deserves to suffer because I’m suffering, or, I can choose forgiveness, and happiness.”
“Maybe I need to listen too.”
“You’re always cheerful.”
“But I’m not always happy. I... I forget that it’s not the job of the people around me to make me happy, but it’s my job to choose to be happy.”
“Yeah. I have that expectation too. That other people should do what I want them to do in order for me to be happy, but that’s not what life is about. It’s about accepting what God has given you, and being happy anyway.”
“That’s true.” She was quiet for a minute, and then she said softly, “We’re talking like everything that God does ends up being some painful trial that we have to go through. But sometimes He really does give us what our hearts want.”
“Like forced proximity with the girl I have a crush on?”
“Is that all this is?” Sally asked, and from the dim glow of the light above the kitchen sink, he could see her face turn up to his. “Just a crush?”
“It feels like a lot more.”
“To me too.”
“I wondered how you felt.”
