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“No!” Aero shouted, his eyes still closed, the desperation in his voice clear. Sam covered her mouth with one hand as she saw a tear slide down his cheek.
She felt helpless like she was trapped in a cage watching this happen but unable to help him. Her heart ached and her stomach rolled, knowing he was in pain, no matter how long past that pain might be.
He let out another loud cry and there was a knock on the door.
“Sam?” Molly called out.
Sam froze. She didn’t want Molly to see Aero like this. Skirting the wall and keeping her eyes on him, Sam approached the door and spoke through it.
“I’m fine, go back to bed,” Sam said, hoping Molly would drop it.
“Are you sure? I heard yelling,” Molly pressed.
“It’s nothing. I’m good,” Sam insisted as she watched Aero thrash again, his pillow falling to the floor as he whined.
Molly hesitated but said goodnight and Sam heard her door shut.
Moving back to her side of the bed, Aero seemed to have stilled. She reached out a tentative hand and stroked his face. His hand shot out and grabbed her, yanking her toward him.
“Aero!” Sam shouted and he sat bolt upright, looking at her with wide eyes.
He was breathing erratically and glanced down at her wrist, which he gripped hard and was twisting at an odd angle.
He let go immediately and she backed up to the wall.
“Sammy,” Aero rasped, running his hands over his face. “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head and whispered, “That was my fault.”
He stared at her, seeing her tear-filled eyes, her messy hair, and her shaking hands.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he whispered, his voice raw. Aero’s heart was hammering in his chest, the nightmare coupled with the realization that he’d grabbed her sending it into overdrive.
“You didn’t,” she insisted, still not approaching him.
“Sam.” Guilt settled heavy on his chest. At the very least he’d scared her.
“Are you okay?” She asked, her voice soft.
He nodded stiffly.
“Are you really okay, or are you just telling me that?” Sam pushed, holding out a hand toward him.
He took it, gently pulling her to him and settling her on his lap. Aero buried his face in her neck.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated, holding her tightly.
“It’s all right,” Sam cooed, stroking his hair softly. “It’s not your fault.”
“I knew this would happen,” he muttered, breathing in her scent and letting it calm him. It didn’t stave off the shame, the guilt, the anger at himself. Not only did he wake her up and scare her, he’d ruined their Christmas. They’d had such a good time, shared so much, and he’d worked so hard to cope, but it wasn’t enough. The darkness and hatred crept up his spine, and he considered letting it take over.
“Shh,” Sam hushed him. “We knew it would happen. I touched you and I shouldn’t have. It’ll be okay.”
“Did I hurt your arm?” He asked, taking her wrist in his hand and inspecting it.
Sam shook her head. “It’s fine.”
She rotated it around to show him and he sighed.
