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Jalen is also hugging me, and I manage to catch his gaze and raise my eyebrows, silently asking him if he knows what this is about.
He rubs my back and mouths, “It’s okay,” with a nod. Maybe he’ll be able to explain it to me later.
For now, I’m just massively happy that I got it so right. The whole point of this trip was to spoil the boys as much as possible. The fact that they love our home away from home means the world to me.
Almost as much as it meant to hear Jalen call me ‘Daddy’ again. It’s like my heart has been given a warm hug and dipped in hot chocolate. I wonder if Colby would ever want to call me that. We keep dancing around the whole sugar Daddy business. It’s been easier to acknowledge the sugar part of it. I think he’s okay with me buying him things now.
But goddamn it, I would like to try Daddying him some more. He feels so good in my arms right now.
Eventually, though, I have to let him go. He withdraws with a shaky laugh, rubbing tears away from his face. “Sorry,” he says sheepishly. “I blame the jet lag. But this place really is gorgeous.”
“You’ve got nothing to apologize for,” I assure him with a warm smile. “Why don’t we go check out the inside of the house and find our rooms.”
“Are Colby and I sharing again?” Jalen asks as he skips up the path. I chuckle as Colby and I follow behind him. Even sleep deprived, he’s still such a joy.
“You can, if you like,” I tell them both. “There are three rooms. The master, another double, and a twin. So you can choose to have your own, share with the two singles, or share with a double.”
Or share with me.
The thought dangles tantalizingly in my mind, but of course I don’t vocalize it. Like I said to Jalen, none of us really know where this relationship is going, and I certainly don’t want to rush anything. It’s enough that they’re here at all.
I am curious about what room configuration they’ll pick, though.
“I’m happy to keep sharing,” Jalen says with a shrug as he twirls around in front of us, briefly facing us and giving a nonchalant smile. I have a hunch, though, that he feels anything but casual about Colby’s response.
“Umm,” Colby says. His cheeks are pink, but that could just be from the wind. “Yeah, that’s been fun, actually. It makes it feel more like a holiday. You know, like it’s a sleepover or something.”
“Nice,” Jalen says, still trying to play it cool. How I could have ever thought he wasn’t madly in love with his best friend, I’ll never know. “Let’s stick with the double bed, then. I think I’d fall out of a twin after so many years.”
They both laugh, but I don’t miss that Colby also glances at me when Jalen’s back is turned. He looks as if he’s asking for permission, so I nod subtly. That seems to be enough for him.
“Yeah, totally,” he agrees with Jalen.
I wonder if he even realized he just did that. Defer to me, I mean. Bloody hell. I’m already Daddying him in so many ways. Considering I’ve never done this before, I sure seem to feel like I know a lot about it, and I definitely want to get a move on with actually putting it into practice.
It’s a relief to get back inside, where the heating is on, and the aggressive sea breeze can’t get to us anymore. I’d previously managed to haul all the bags into the entrance hall at least, so we all grab our own and make our way upstairs to find the bedrooms. Mine is the biggest with an en suite, but the other double room has the best view of the beach, and my heart swells, feeling like the universe is talking to us again. It’s like they were meant to share that room.
We busy ourselves taking showers and getting unpacked. After such a long trip, it’s blissful to get clean and put on fresh clothes. Jalen wants to nap, and Colby says he’s got something he needs to do on his busted old laptop, so I decide to go find the local shop and get us some basics in, like tea, coffee, milk, and cereal.
As I walk down to the mini supermarket, I daydream about buying them both fancy new laptops. I really don’t want to overwhelm them, but in my imagination, we’ve been friends for ages, and they let me do stuff like that for them without it feeling like an enormous gesture. As my fantasy wanders along, I think about how maybe that could be next year’s Christmas presents.
When I return, they’re both still upstairs, so I put the few bits of shopping away, make myself a cup of tea, then take a stroll down to the beach. Even someone like me—for whom money is no object—can’t help but be blown away by how special it is to just wander down the garden and see the English Channel. The waves crash against the shore in a soothing rhythm, which is a good thing, because I’m starting to get nervous.
Deep down I knew it was pretty crazy to come all this way and not warn my family. But I’ve been getting continuous updates from the group chat so I know that my sister and the girls are already at my parents’ house, as planned, and extended family will be joining them on Christmas Day.
Logically, I’m sure they’ll be beyond thrilled to see me. Our family has a history of surprising one another with relatives from overseas. My only hesitation is how they’re going to receive Jalen and Colby.
As much as I wanted to bring them on a trip of a lifetime, I’m also aware that some people might be confused by what’s going on and have questions. They’re younger than me and there are two of them. My relatives can interrogate me all they like. I’d just hate for anyone to make my boys feel uncomfortable, though.
I take a long breath in, filling my lungs with cold sea air. Who do I really think is going to be a dick? Anisha’s ex, Gregory, won’t be there. He was the only one who ever tried to be passive-aggressively homophobic with me, but it never got him anywhere.
I might have the odd aunt or uncle who will put their foot in it, but hopefully people will simply accept that I’ve brought some friends home from Sydney and that’s it. If anyone asks how we all know each other, I’ve already encouraged the boys to tell the Jurassic Galaxy origin story. That’s what brought Jalen and Colby together as well, after all. And if anyone points out that we only just met, I’ve decided my answer will be “So?”
This is ridiculous. I’m completely overthinking it all. My parents freaked out about my sexuality in a completely different time. There wasn’t a fraction of the representation that there is these days, and I’ve talked to them a great deal about the advancements in treating HIV. They know it’s perfectly treatable, and in fact there is a strong possibility it could be completely eradicated by the end of the decade.
But there’s a part of me that’s still that teenage boy, feeling the sting and horror of true rejection by the people who I thought would always love me unconditionally. It doesn’t matter that now I know they were just afraid for their son. A part of me is scared they’ll do it again.
A bigger part of me is terrified they’ll reject Jalen and Colby.
