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I know I’m going to want to remember this day forever.
Dinner with my family is lovely. I can’t believe I wasn’t going to come back to the UK for this. It’s been so easy to fall into my solitary routine, but I’d be missing out on all these special moments. My dad has made a curry that people can adapt to make as creamy or as spicy as they want. My boys unabashedly put several dollops of yogurt in their bowls while Nai Nai cackles at the head of the table, sprinkling chili flakes on hers like hundreds and thousands.
Jalen is nonstop as he chatters away about our day, which isn’t surprising. What does delight me is how Colby manages to butt in and tell a few stories of his own. Whenever he does, Jalen immediately shuts up and watches him like he hung the moon.
These boys are going to break my heart if they’re not careful. I just want to bottle every moment up with them. I’m aware we’re fast approaching a point of no return, and my only dilemma is whether I should do something about it while we’re still on our trip or wait until we get back home. The thought of living together in the holiday rental and not making the most of it is slightly killing me. But on the other hand, what if it doesn’t go the way I expect and then we’re in an awkward situation for the rest of our time here?
I decide to just keep going with the flow but stay mindful of looking for opportunities. From our conversation back at my apartment, I’m certain that Jalen is waiting for me to make some kind of move. The deciding factor is Colby. It’s him I’m watching intently to take my cue.
The best way to do that is to keep giving us chances to do special things together.
So we leave my parents’ place at a reasonable time again, promising to be back bright and early for Christmas morning. However, I have a little plan for when we get back to the house, and I don’t want jet lag to get the best of us again.
“How about,” I say as we walk up to the front door, “we keep our coats and shoes on, I make us some hot chocolate, and we walk down to the beach?”
Colby gasps. “Really? Can we?”
I nod, and Jalen claps his gloved hands. “Christmas on the beach, UK style!”
“That’s exactly what I thought,” I admit with a chuckle.
It’s only instant powder hot chocolate from the little supermarket, but I make it with whole milk, spray whipped cream on top, and add a couple of fluffy marshmallows to the bottom of each mug, so they’ll be a gooey mess by the time we get to the end of our drinks. I also slip the surprise I bought from the shop into my coat pocket without either of them noticing.
It might be windy, but it’s a clear night and the moon is bright, so we can see pretty well as we make our way down to the pebble beach. Our chocolate doesn’t stay that hot for long, so we drink it reasonably quickly, eating what’s left of the marshmallows in delight.
In my other pocket, I’d put a bottle of water which I now use to fill up my empty mug. “Can’t we wash that back in the house?” Colby asks in confusion when he sees what I’m doing.
I flash him a grin. “Oh, of course. I’m not washing it. That’s for safety.”
They both frown at me. “Safety for what?” Jalen asks.
That’s when I pull the slim box of sparklers from my other pocket along with a lighter. “For these.”
Jalen gasps. “Oh my god! I haven’t played with sparklers since I was a kid!”
“I don’t think I ever have,” Colby says dubiously.
Jalen immediately takes his hand and kisses the back of it through his glove. “Don’t worry! It’s easy. And Andreas brought the water to put them out when we’re done. They’re pretty!”
I can see Colby continue to frown as we each get one out of the box, and I take on the responsibility of lighting them. Despite the wind, they crackle into life, illuminating my boys’ faces. I think Colby was maybe wondering what the point of them was, but as soon as he’s holding the sparking stick in his hand, I suspect he understands that the point is just pure joy and fun. Without even needing to be told, he starts waving his one around, creating shapes in the dark.
“Wee!”Jalen shrieks, making circles and figures of eight. My heart aches to see them so happy.
This day really has been magical. Once the first round die out, we put the hot ends into the mug of water. Then I light another pair for the boys to play with some more. Rather than get one for myself, I pull my phone out and start taking pictures. I’ve captured so many beautiful moments today. My phone is usually pretty devoid of any photos, but I’m going to have a whole album’s worth by the time we make it back to Australia.
I feel like, for the first time in years, I’m truly living.
When we light the third and final round of sparklers, Jalen insists that I get one as well this time, and takes the phone off me so I can be in some photos, too. We take selfies together, the three of us squishing in with our sparklers until the lights die out.
But then no one lets go. I lower my phone and put it safely in my pocket before collecting the spent sticks and dropping them in the mug of water that’s thankfully nearby. My boys lay their heads against my chest and neck, and I do the same, holding them tight.
I’m not sure what’s happening, but I don’t want the spell to break.
Eventually, it’s Colby who speaks first.
“All I want for Christmas is you.”
He says it so gently that I almost miss it over the wind. But the words cut through the noise and go straight to my heart, hope exploding like flower petals unfurling in a time lapse video. I move my head to look at him as I rub his back.
