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“It’s okay, little baby,” Jalen gasps, hugging me to him. Then Andreas’s strong arms envelop us as he drags us down to his chest. Our clothes and the sheets are a mess, but none of that matters as his voice rumbles through my body.
“I’ve got you, little one. Oh, my good, perfect, beautiful boys. Daddy’s here. It’s okay.”
I’m still shaking and hiccuping, but his words cut through all my emotions, and I believe him.
It’s okay.
For the first time in probably my entire life, I know with my whole heart that things really are okay because I have my Daddy and my Jay Jay wrapped tightly in my arms.
I never want to let them go.
CHAPTER18
Andreas
When I wakethe next morning, it takes me several seconds to orient myself. Like the day before, I struggle to recognize that I’m not in my own bedroom for a moment. But then everything else comes crashing down like the waves on Brighton Beach.
My boys.
Why aren’t they here?
I blink, suddenly very aware as both my hands reach out under the covers and find no one with me. My heart rate picks up. I know we all fell asleep together. I was a mean Daddy and made my boys go back to their room to change into their pajamas while I quickly swapped the bottom sheet over with a fresh one I’d found in a cupboard. I’ve even made them brush their teeth. The upside of them dragging their feet about it was that I had time to put both the sheet and our messy clothes in the washing machine. But then we’d all snuggled together, falling into a deep sleep.
So deep I didn’t feel them leave.
I glance at the clock. It’s half past seven, and from what I can see beyond the curtains, the sun is just starting to peek over the horizon, making the sky pretty colors.
It’s also Christmas Day.
It’s a long time since I felt any kind of excitement to wake up on December twenty-fifth. But despite my concerns, I do feel some fluttering in my belly. I might not know exactly what’s going on right this second, but I know without a doubt that last night was one of the best of my entire life. There’s no reason why today shouldn’t be incredible as well.
I take a breath and reason that everything is probably fine. So I throw on some jogging bottoms and a T-shirt before brushing my teeth. The heating is on, but I still find some socks and a hoodie as well, wanting to feel cozy. Finally, I exit the bedroom, on the hunt for my boys.
I hear the giggling from downstairs almost right away, and my heart soars. See, everythingisfine. They’re just up to trouble, and that’s a-okay by me. I grin as I jog downward, not sure what to expect.
The sight that greets me makes me stop a few steps from the bottom, where I can see over the banister into the living room. I gasp and touch my hand to my chest as a lump rises in my throat, and my eyes prickle with tears.
Those boys.
“Merry Christmas!” they yell when they see me, throwing their arms in the air. They’ve got their ugly Christmas jumpers over their PJs, but that’s not what startled me. Of course I’m always more than happy to see them. But it’s what they’ve done for me that’s so incredibly touching.
There’s tinsel draped everywhere. On the artwork hanging from the walls, on the TV, even in a circle around the coffee table. One of those banners made from individual letters strung together is also on the wall, tied between two light fittings, spelling ‘HAPPY HOLIDAYS!’ I didn’t know Christmas balloons were a thing, but there are a couple dozen bouncing around the house filled with sparkles that read ‘Ho ho ho!’ Confetti shaped like snowflakes has been strewn over every surface. I’m sure that’s going to be fun to clean up at some point, but right now, I couldn’t give a toss.
I don’t think anyone has ever done anything so sweet for me in my adult life. I’m reminded of how my mum would always try and surprise me on my birthday growing up. Even if it was just a cake from Tesco, she always wanted me to know it was my special day.
That’s exactly how I feel right now.
Special.
“What’s all this?” I say thickly with a laugh as I make it down the last few steps.
They both rush over to me and throw their arms around me. “We smuggled it all from back home!” Jalen says gleefully.
“Do you like it?” Colby asks, his voice tinged with anxiety. I understand that he’s probably always going to be a little worried about doing anything for anyone, having had his spirit crushed all his life. But how he could think this is anything other than incredible is still a bit heartbreaking.
“Like it?” I cry incredulously. “Iloveit! This is the best Christmasever.”
Jalen tuts and rolls his eyes. “We haven’t even given you your presents yet, Daddy,” he says with a mischievous air.
