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CARINA
I’ve made a grave mistake. I'm in way over my head here. At boarding school, there were only girls. Without boys, we didn’t have distractions. Besides, who wants a boy? I know I didn’t. Not when I’ve grown up in the world I have. An average boy would never have cut it or held my interest. I would have run circles around them.
So I was never pissed or thought I was sent to an all-girls school to keep my chastity intact. It was not only a way to keep me safe, but I think my brother hoped that my classmates would gloss over the family I come from. He forgets it’s my world too, and I don’t have any plans to leave it.
I’ll forever be grateful for the school. It’s where I met my best friends. We were thick as thieves from the movement we came together. We would always talk about what we were going to do when we got out into the world. Especially when the subject of dating came up. That was the one topic where I was clearly out of my element.
I’mstillout of my element in this room full of guys. I could handle the attention of one or two of them, but they’re all staring at me like I’m going to be their dinner. At times they’re tripping over each other to get into conversation with me. I can barely keep up with what each of them is saying. Especially with Gilly’s hand on my thigh. All these men for my picking, and he’s all I can think about it.
With Gilly, it’s the damn chase. I hate that. I don’t want to love a man I have to chase. Though I’m not sure if it counts as chasing if he’s dragging me into the bathroom. His cum is still inside of me. I couldn’t bring myself to wipe it off. I rather enjoy having his mark on me.
“You should have a destination wedding,” Angelica says. “Give us all a reason to get away.”
I almost choke on the sip of wine I’d just drank. Gilly’s fingers grip my thigh harder. I hope they leave a mark.
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We’re all getting to know one another,” I rush to get out before she and Bianca can start to make wedding plans.
“I’d love to take you wherever you want to go. In style, of course.” Falco gives me one of his charming smiles. It’s too charming, but out of all the men here, he’s the only one that is actually a potential suitor. Too bad I feel nothing. Not a spark or anything. Is it because there is nothing there or that Gilly already has my heart?
I think it was three years ago I really noticed Gilly. He was always at my brother's side when I came home from school. Months I spent away, and still I couldn’t shake what I felt for him. I don’t think a summer in Europe will shake that either. Then again, maybe if I was away from him while others tried to court me, it would be a different story.
“That is very sweet of you. I’ll keep that in mind,” I lie with a smile on my face.
He buys it. Thankfully, my brother takes over some of the conversation at the table. He’s able to pull most of their attention, which makes sense, considering half the reason any of them want to marry me is because of him. It’s ironic that the reason Gilly probably doesn’t want to be with me is because of my brother.
I start to wonder what his type is. Women never came and went from the house. At least they didn’t when I was home. My father loved my mother, and she would have killed him if he stepped out on her. Not that he would have; loyalty was everything to them. It is to Gilly, too. It’s why I’ll never come first to him. Even if my brother did give him his blessing. Anger blooms in my chest at the reality of it all. That same sensation I had to run this morning courses through my body.
“Eat,” Gilly whispers into my ear.
“Fuck off,” I snip back under my breath as I reach under the table to try and remove his hand. He won’t let me. “Think I won’t make a scene?” I catch Bianca watching us out of the corner of my eye. “Try me.” I turn my head to stare into Gilly’s eyes.
“Eat,” he says again before removing his hand finally. I do eat, but not because he ordered me to. The quicker I can finish this meal, the better. I don’t taste a thing. Not even when the dessert comes and it’s my favorite, crème br?lée.
“Carina.” My brother calls my name as we all get up from the table to move to the parlor. “A word.” Oh shit. I keep a smile pasted on my face while everyone else leaves. Gilly is the last to go.
“You okay?” he asks me, concern etched on his face. Some of my anger starts to dissolve.
“Yeah. It was a bit overwhelming.”
“You clearly have your pick.”
“But do I really?” The words slip past my lips. I hadn’t meant to say them.
“Carina, I would never force—”
“I know.” I cut him off. “Like I said, I'm overwhelmed is all.”
“Is there anything else going on that you want to tell me?” I’m not sure if he means Gilly or my late-night sneak-out activities. Either way, I keep my mouth shut. There is no way I am confessing to either one of those.
“Not at the moment.”
“All right.” He kisses my cheek. “You can always talk to me.” I nod before we both head out of the formal dining room.
“Carina.” I turned to face Falco, who called my name. He comes out of the same powder room Gilly dragged me into earlier. “Can we have a moment alone? If that is okay with you.” He looks to my brother to get his approval.
“That’s up to Carina.”
“Only a few minutes.” He gives me that charming smile again that does nothing for me.
