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“She’s thinking,” I narrate for Charlie. “She’s thinking hard, because she knows these lights will take forever if she tries to order them. And she wants to get all her stuff up, the sooner the better. Oh, now she’s going back inside. She looked resolute when she slammed the door. Is she—she is!” I stand, and Charlie jumps to the floor and stalks away. Setting my binoculars down, I watch as she opens her garage and backs her little Prius into the road.
I grin at her retreating tail-lights. “Charlie, I’m going to need to make a trip to the hardware store.”
4
ARIADNE
Iput the car in reverse and press the gas pedal down a little harder than I usually would when backing out of my driveway. Once I’ve pulled into the street, I sneak a glance over at my neighbor’s place. I can feel him watching me. It’s always like this when I’m outside. My body seems to know when his eyes are on me. I see the blinds move and know that I’m correct in my assumption. Doesn’t he have anything better to do? I put the car in drive, heading toward the local hardware store.
I’m frustrated because there are only so many hours in a day, and nothing seems to be going my way this year. My non-working icicle lights are a big part of my outdoor display and with most of them being crushed, I need to replace them. It’s awfully suspicious that the box they were in was lying on the floor. I take pride in the way I pack my things and always make sure they’re secure. I wouldn’t be surprised if my neighbor had something to do with it. I shake my head of those thoughts, knowing that I’m taking this too far now. Satan Claus from across the street wouldn’t go to those extremes. Would he? I’m almost always home, so I can’t imagine when he would have had the opportunity to sabotage me. I know I’m being a little nutty, but something fishy is definitely going on.
I pull into the lot of the hardware store and park my car in the closest spot to the door. I give myself a little pep talk before stepping out. I look around the parking lot, which is mostly empty. I pray the store is too. I duck into the hardware, heading straight for the Christmas section. I cross my fingers and hope they have my lights. I really don’t want to have to order them. That could take days to get in. Days! I can’t wait that long. I already look crazy for the ten hours that my door sat without a wreath on it. My other neighbors probably think something is wrong with me, or maybe they’re already calling me some nickname. Oh my God, what if they’re calling me The Grinch? I don’t want them to talk about me. It’s a big reason why I haven’t gotten a cat. I’m a prime target to be called a cat lady. I know they all think I’m weird because I keep to myself, and a cat would only exacerbate that. Ireallywant a furry baby, but I know that I can’t get one. Damn it. I stomp my foot as I think about the injustice of it all. And ofcourse, the enemy across the street has a cat. God, I hate him. It’s as though he somehow knows all the things that I enjoy and is trying to ruin them for me.
“Not finding what you’re looking for?” someone chirps.
I glance over to the store clerk who’s standing down the aisle, watching me.
“You have a cat?” I blurt.
“This is a hardware store, ma’am.” He smiles at me like I’ve got jokes or something. I should steal the little black cat that keeps coming around. I can’t though, because then I’ll be the cat lady who steals cats, too.
“I know it’s a hardware store.” I mean, I drove here. Of course I know where I am. Why is he being so weird? Or am I the one being weird? I glance around to see if anyone else is looking at me. This is why I don’t go out in public often. I have a quirky personality, and my sense of humor isn’t for everyone. I always get awkward and nervous when I’m out. It’s a big reason why I’ve avoided Satan Claus, or SC for short, also. I don’t want to show him my weakness. I’d rather him think that I’m rude than know I’m socially awkward.
“Is there something I can help you find?” The clerk raises his eyebrows at me now. Oh crap. My lights. I’m here for lights.
“I need these.” I pull out a piece of paper and show him the exact lights that I need. When I went online, it said they have them in stock. I quickly checked, because I didn’t want to make a trip for nothing.
“We’re out of those, but I do have these.” He points to some gaudy rainbow lights.
I gasp.
“What’s wrong with you?” I stare at the horrendous lights. I should get them and sneak out and put them on my neighbor’s house where they belong. That thought brings a smile to my face. I think Laura would approve of this plan. It would be like I’m toilet papering his house but with Christmas. I’d be spreading the Christmas spirit. Isn’t that what it’s all about? I wish I could do it, but I’m all talk and don’t actually think I’d have the balls to. I’d most likely chicken out, and I’m almost positive he’d know it was me that did it. Plus, I need to focus on my own house’s lighting situation.
“There is nothing wrong with me.” The man stands up a little taller, straightening his red vest.
“I want these lights.” I wave the paper. “It said you have them in stock.” I look at my watch. “Twelve minutes ago.”
“We haven't had them in stock for days.”
“Are you calling me a liar?” I take a step back.
Like a magician he pulls a tablet out and starts clicking away. He holds up the screen to show me the little banner that now states the lights are out of stock.
“That wasn't there!” I try and grab the tablet to get a better look, but he pulls it away from me.
“They have been out of stock for days, and we won’t be getting any more in. The company stopped making them.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. This keeps getting worse by the second.
A page over the PA asks for someone that works in customer service to come to the front desk.
“I’m sorry, but these are the last lights that we have in stock,” he says to me while pointing at the trashy lights that are on the shelf. “I need to get up front, if you don’t need anything else, ma’am.”
“I need these lights.” I hold the paper out to him in a last-ditch effort.
“Why don’t you come to the front desk with me, and I’ll double check the main computer to be sure?”
“Fine.” I follow him down the aisle and head toward the front desk. I look at some of the things as we pass, getting sidetracked as we go along.
