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16
JOCELYN
The ache is getting worse. I rub my hand over the center of my chest. The pain grows every day. I miss Mac terribly, and no matter how busy I keep myself, I can’t escape it. I thought time was supposed to heal all wounds. Mine’s just getting worse.
I roll over and hug the pillow to my chest. I need to get up. I never stay in bed this late. I’m always up early and moving about. It's a little after ten, and I haven't moved from this bed. I haven’t gotten a lick of work done, either.
I made a promise to myself last night that I wouldn't lie in bed all day again. That I’d get up and finish putting up the rest of my Christmas stuff. That bit of bluster is dying as I contemplate another day with no Mac.
My phone starts to ring, and I jump up, grabbing it quickly.
“Hello?” I rush to answer.
“Morning, Jocelyn.” Ted’s voice comes through my phone, and my heart drops. I want to kick myself for getting my hopes up that it would be Mac on the other end.
“Hi, Ted.”
“You got a couple packages down here that were returned. I wanted to double check the addresses with you if you don’t mind.” As much as I don’t want to get up, I know that I need to make sure the people who ordered from me get their packages. Ted is going out of his way and saving me a trip by calling. It would be easier to fix it over the phone.
“That’s sweet of you. Let me get my laptop.” I get out of bed and head for the kitchen. I pull up my orders and Ted fixes the addresses for me.
“Are you okay?” Ted asks once we get everything squared away. The question hits me hard. No, I’m not okay. I feel as though my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I glance over in the direction of Mac’s house. I miss him so much that sometimes it’s hard for me to breathe. Even though I know I had to let him go. That it was for a greater good. None of those things comfort me late at night when I’m left alone with only my thoughts. I don’t say any of that out loud to Ted though.
“Jocelyn. You there?”
“Sorry. I’m here.”
“You want to grab lunch?” My stomach growls at the mention of food. When was the last time I ate something that didn't have chocolate in it? It’s been days. Maybe it will do me some good to get out. Fresh air might be just the thing I need. Maybe a bacon cheeseburger with a side of steak fries and a strawberry shake would help, too.
“I would like that actually.” Going out will be good for me.
“I’ll pick you up in a little while?”
“I’ll meet you. The diner?”
“Yeah, I’ll see you in an hour.” I agree before hanging up the phone. I make myself shower and get dressed. I put on some makeup, too, hoping it will make me feel better, but it doesn't. Now I’m just a sad girl with fresh makeup. Great.
When I pull out of my driveaway, my eyes linger on Mac’s house. I don’t only miss Mac, but I miss Sylvester too. He’s no longer in the window watching us all and silently judging us.
I wipe my cheeks when I feel wetness hit them. I’m not sure I can stay here. The idea of waking up and having to look over at Mac’s empty house every day sounds like torture. I’ll never be able to heal if I stay here. Part of me wishes he’d never told me he loved me. I think it would make this less hard. For so long I’ve wanted that man, but to know he wants me back as much as I want him, even though we can’t be together, is the worst kind of pain.
I finally pull up to the diner and park my car. I take a deep breath before I pull down the visor and take a look at the damage my little crying episode had on my makeup. I do a quick touch up.
I let out a scream when a knock sounds.
“It’s me.” Ted holds up his hands.
“Sorry.” I open my car door.
“Jocelyn.” Ted says my name softly. “Are you okay?”
“Do I look that horrible?” I let out a small laugh.
“No, you never look horrible.” He puts his hand on my back. “You look sad. Let’s get some food in you.” He guides me toward the diner. We snag a table in the back and order our food at the same time as our drinks. “Do I need to go over and beat his ass?” He gives me a half smile.
“He’s not there for you to beat his ass.”
“I heard he’s putting his house on the market. I thought you two might be moving in together.” He gives me a somewhat sly glance.
